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I glanced toward the hallway again, but met Bear’s eyes when I heard his voice. “You got a handle on your shit?”
My eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean?”
“I saw your face both times we talked about her being pregnant. I know what that look means. Also know you’ve been staying away. Have a feeling that has a lot to do with my sister.”
I wanted to lie and deny it all, but he wasn’t the first Sinner to call me out on this and he wouldn’t be the last. “It does.”
He dropped his arms. “Your feelings cannot get in the way of her protection.”
“That won’t be a problem.” I promised truthfully. My feelings were probably a good thing in this situation.
I planned to make damn sure nothing happened to her or the baby.
Not for Bear.
And not for the club.
Only one person mattered that much to me and even if the Widows burned the whole fucking club down, I would make damn sure she was still standing.
Chapter 4
Becs
Pacing, I watched the door with everyone else, and without thinking, I rested my hand on my slightly swollen belly. At six months, I was barely showing, but I’d been reading a lot and learned that was likely with a first pregnancy. I’d also been to the doctor, and she told me the baby looked great and the pregnancy was progressing well, but warned me to find ways to reduce stress when my blood pressure was a little higher than she would’ve liked.
I promised I would, but with all the shit going on with the club, I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise. It had been a crazy few weeks, but luckily, Bear had been able to take and pick me up from work, which meant I hadn’t seen Race in all those weeks. Not even at the clubhouse. Bear told me last week that the Widows were getting too close, and they had a plan to shut them down, but that was all he said. He didn’t tell me the plan, but the fact that he showed up at my apartment last weekend and demanded I pack and move into his townhouse with him told me his plan was dangerous.
He also picked me up from work today and brought me straight to the clubhouse without any warning. Then they asked me to do makeup on both Bear and Gunner to make it seem as if they’d been beaten. I did and I asked questions, but Bear wasn’t saying much and neither was Gunner. I finished their makeup, and even I had to admit it looked convincing. I loved doing makeup, which I always thought was ironic, considering I didn’t wear much myself. After I was finished, Bear squeezed my shoulder, promised he’d see me soon, and left with Gunner and a few other members, leaving me here with the rest of the club, including Race, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.
My eyes flicked around the room and I noticed the members drinking, but they seemed as nervous as I felt. What was taking so long? It felt as if they’d been gone forever, but when I looked at the clock hanging above the bar, it had only been a couple of hours. My eyes shifted to Maggie who was also pacing, and I knew exactly how she felt. Her and Gunner had just figured shit out and began dating when the Widows dragged him back into the world he was trying so hard to leave. We could both lose the men in our lives who meant the most to us.
I would have no one without Bear.
I wouldn’t even have the club because I wasn’t actually a member. I was sure the members would all try to keep it going, and as much as I knew they liked me and would keep in touch, I would be forgotten and left behind eventually.
My breath caught when Race moved across the room and spoke to Maggie quietly. She eventually smiled and sat down, and as happy as I was that he was there for my friend when I couldn’t be, I was also jealous. I hated that I was, but that was how I honestly felt. It wasn’t because I thought he was interested in her romantically because he wasn’t. It was because I wanted him to talk to me and smile at me the way he was her.
But I’d killed any chance of that over the past few years.
We both had.
Looking at the clock again, fear gripped me, and I let the part of me that Race hated the most take hold.
I whistled loudly. “It’s been way too long, you guys. I think we should load up and go get ’em. Who’s with me?”
A few cheers went around the room before Race shot out of his seat and faced me. “No fucking way. Becs, Jesus, Bear would kill all of us if you showed up or if any of us fucked with the plan.”
Murmurs of agreement floated through the room, and I knew he was right, but I was terrified for my brother and that superseded all logic.
I glanced around the room and frowned. “Are you guys serious? What happened to brotherhood?”
Race stared across the room toward me. “What the fuck are you doing, Becs? We all have a job to do, and we’re doing it.”
This was the first time he talked directly to me since we sat at the bar together a few weeks ago, and I hesitated before saying what was on my mind. I hated what I was about to say and knew it would cause an argument, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from behaving the only way I knew how to around him. “Yeah, and what’s your job, Race? Why aren’t you out there with them?”
He stopped walking when he stood in front of me, and I braced. It was a low blow saying that to him because I knew he wanted to be with them and was only here because Bear ordered him to be. I braced for the impact of his reply, but the hurt still washed over me when he spoke. “Babysitting you, Becs, because of shit like this, shit you’re doing right now, the same shit you always do.”
I narrowed my eyes and tried desperately to hide the hurt he caused. I often wondered if anything I said to him hurt him in the same way, but I doubted it. He had nothing but contempt for me, so my words meant nothing, but my love for him made sure I couldn’t block the pain. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
