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“No,” I answered honestly.
She laid her hand on my arm. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I’d only told one other person what I’d just found out, and he was less than thrilled. Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about it, but it was something I couldn’t ignore.
Opening my eyes, I met her worried stare and blurted out the words I still couldn’t believe. “I’m pregnant.”
Her eyes widened, but then she smiled. “Pregnant. That’s amazing.”
I shook my head. “You’re the only one who thinks so.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Bear’s not happy?”
I thought about his reaction and shrugged. He’d been matter-of-fact, but I should’ve expected that. Truthfully, the club was dealing with a lot of heat from the Widows, and my announcement couldn’t have come at a worse time. Not that I’d planned it, but even so, it was just another stressor I’d added to his already full plate. “I don’t know. He’s worried.”
“He loves you.”
She said what I already knew. My brother did love me. We were all that was left of our family, and we both valued that more than anything else. But he took his job of my protector seriously, sometimes too seriously, and as tensions built with the Widows, he’d become even more protective.
“Yeah.” I plopped down onto the edge of Maggie’s bed and laid the palms of my hands on my forehead, ready to confess what was bothering me more than anything else. “He’s telling the boys tonight. That’s why it’s so loud downstairs. They’re all here.”
“Why is he telling everyone?”
I hesitated, not wanting to upset Maggie after the progress she’d been making, but she had the right to know and no one else was going to tell her. Especially not Gunner, who’d given protection a whole new meaning over the last year. “Because a few Widows members showed up earlier today, and he wants the boys watching out for me.”
Her body visibly stiffened when I mentioned the club she’d previously been associated with. The club her ex-boyfriend still belonged to and the same ex, Snake, who had beaten her so badly, she was hospitalized multiple times over the years.
I watched her gather her courage before she finally spoke. “Why were they here?”
“Said they were looking for Snake and you.” This wouldn’t be a surprise to Maggie. After Snake put her in the hospital this last time, he disappeared.
She exhaled sharply, and her expression filled with hope. “So they don’t know I’m here?”
I shook my head, remembering the conversation I’d had with Bear. “Bear doesn’t think so, but he’s worried because they just drove up like they could.”
“They’re not afraid,” Maggie shared quietly. “They don’t think anything will ever touch them, like they can go wherever they want and no one can stop them.” She sat on the bed beside me, her expression once again filled with worry. “Becs, they do seem untouchable. Maybe Bear’s right to be worried about you.”
“I know he is.” I sighed. I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her my real fear. I’d never said the words to anyone, and even though I knew I could trust Maggie, I was scared to let go of the secret I’d been holding for all these years. In the end, I knew I needed to talk about it, if for no other reason than my own peace of mind. “But telling the boys means telling Race.”
She looked confused, and I understood why. Race didn’t spend much time at the clubhouse anymore. It seemed as the years passed, he grew less interested in the club, so Maggie had probably only seen him once or twice. The word around the clubhouse was that he was working a lot of overtime with Dimarco Construction, which seemed plausible, considering they were one of the biggest construction companies in our small town, but I always worried it was more than that. And recently, I overheard he was talking about moving out of the clubhouse altogether. I knew that would bother Bear, and I held a lot of guilt knowing I’d most likely attributed to him wanting to move on. If he and I were in the same room, there was tension and usually an argument.
“Why don’t you want him to know?”
Groaning, I lay back on the bed and threw my arm over my forehead. How could I answer that without being totally honest with Maggie and myself. I wanted and tried so hard to hate Race, but no matter how many times I replayed his words in my mind, my heart didn’t seem to care.
I closed my eyes and whispered the words I’d refused to accept until recently. “I’ve had feelings for Race since I met him five years ago.”
“Does he know?”
My eyes popped open when she spoke. “God, no. I act like I don’t like him. He doesn’t like me; I know that, so we fight whenever we’re near each other.”
“Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?”
I considered that, but only for a moment. It was the easiest question to answer. “Have you ever loved someone, Maggie, who thinks very little of you?” I sat up quickly when her expression changed to one of sadness, and I cursed myself for not remembering who I was talking to and the hell she’d been through. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.”
“It’s okay.” She shrugged, but she stared at her lap. “I didn’t love Snake. I’ve never loved anyone. I mean, I loved my mom, but I’ve never loved a man.” She shifted her body to face me. “Do you love him?”
I opened my mouth to tell her I didn’t, but I was suddenly tired of lying to myself. I huffed sadly and pointed at my stomach. “Stupid, huh? And now I’m knocked up by another man. Maybe he’s right; maybe I am immature and flaky.”
