AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Are you working?”
“Only part-time,” I replied. “Bear and Race thought I should start back slowly, but…”
She tilted her head. “But what?”
“I just have more time to think when I’m not working.”
“What do you think about?”
“Wyatt,” I admitted. “And what will happen when I finally get to bring him home.” I lowered my voice. “How the hell am I going to take care of him, especially all by myself.”
She patted my knee. “Do you ever think you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself?”
I thought about that and smiled softly. “Maybe a little.” Glancing at the door, my smile dropped. “I’m sorry Race called you in on a Sunday for this. It’s probably nothing, right?”
“Actually,” she said, “in my opinion, you’re experiencing what most people refer to as the baby blues. I don’t love that term because I think it simplifies it when it shouldn’t be simplified or ignored.”
“What is it?”
“In layman’s terms, it describes the anxiety and depression some women experience after giving birth. While it’s not every woman, it’s more than you’d think. For some women, it goes away within a few days, but your situation is unique, so it makes sense that it would linger.”
“What do you mean?”
She rolled her stool back to the table and grabbed a notepad and pen before rolling back to sit in front of me once again. “Honey, you’ve been through a lot. Having a baby is hell on your hormones, and your situation was even more extreme because he was premature. For weeks, you’ve been living with the knowledge that he’s still fighting to get well.” She laid her hand on my leg. “It’s a lot, and you need to give yourself permission to be scared and feel the emotions you’re trying so hard to control. You’ve been burying them for a long time. This didn’t just start with Wyatt. This started when you lost your dad and brother and then not long after, your mom.”
“I needed to be strong for Bear,” I admitted.
“And you were. You are. But you need to understand that allowing yourself to feel emotions doesn’t make you weak. It actually makes you stronger.”
I considered that, and maybe she was right, especially if this was the result of burying them for too long. “I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately. I wish she was here.”
“That’s understandable, but you’re not alone, Becs. You just need to accept the help everyone is offering.”
Lifting her pen, she began writing while she spoke. “I’m going to write you a prescription that I want you to try for two weeks. If you’re not feeling any better, come back, and I can try a different one.” She looked up at me from beneath her eyelashes. “But if you’re feeling worse, you need to call me right away, okay?” I nodded, so she continued writing. “This is common and usually responds to meds quickly, but there are extreme cases when the meds aren’t all someone needs, and we need to stay on top of that.” She tore the paper off the pad and handed it to me. “Give this a try. I’ll call and check in on you in a few days.”
I nodded, and then she smiled while gesturing toward the closed door. “He cares about you.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head before focusing on Kat. “Maybe.”
“Definitely.” She raised her eyebrows. “He demanded I see you immediately. I think his exact words were,Becs needs you. I’m bringing her right now. To be honest, he reminded me of Bear.”
I chuckled. “Don’t say that. We don’t need another one of him.”
She smiled, but then her expression turned serious once again. “He’s worried about you.”
Sighing, I ran my fingers over the hem of my shirt. “I’m having a hard time with my feelings for him. For a long time, I thought he was doing all this because Bear asked him to. He respects him and would do anything he asks.”
“He does,” she agreed. “But if that’s all this was, he would’ve called Bear. He brought you here himself, so that means something.”
“We made out last night,” I announced, surprising myself that I wanted to share that information. When her eyebrows lifted, I held up my hand. “It didn’t go anywhere. I can’t remember it all, but I think I threw myself at him. I also attempted to dial my booty call.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “Your booty call? Really?”
I laughed softly. She knew about my booty call guy although I never told her who he was. About a year ago, we’d shared some personal stuff one night at the clubhouse. She learned I had a man I basically used when I needed to feel something, anything really, and I learned that Kat was a virgin or at least she was at the time. I had no idea if that was still true. She blamed it on medical school and her drive to succeed, which meant she never paid attention to her personal life, but I always thought it had more to do with the fact that she was such a romantic at heart. Sex would never be just sex to Kat. It would mean so much more.
“Yeah.”
She sighed. “Oh boy. Calling him would have been a huge mistake.”
