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I squirmed beneath him and wrapped my legs around his waist, rocking against his hardness. “Please, Shawn,” I panted.
Heat flared in his eyes, and he pulled back enough that he could shove his jeans down before pushing into me. Pleasure, like I never experienced, tore through my body when he began thrusting hard and fast. This was exactly what I needed. I once again put my hands on either side of his face and crushed my mouth to his. I wanted to feel him everywhere when I exploded. He kissed me hard, matching the ferocity of his thrusts, but it was when he pressed his thumb against my clit that I shattered. Tearing my mouth from his, I tightened my legs around his waist and arched my back. Pleasure wracked my body from the intensity of my orgasm. He continued to pump his hips, and it felt so good that I grabbed his hand and put his finger back on my clit. Another wave of pleasure ripped through me, and I rode that until my body was exhausted and finally stilled. I had no idea when he orgasmed, but I knew he had when I felt the wetness on my inner thigh, and his body weight fell heavily on top of me. He slid a little to the side, and I closed my eyes to imprint the feeling of his body against mine onto my mind. I never wanted to forget this feeling, never wanted to lose this. I wasn’t going back to my parents' world. I wasn’t marrying Richard, but there was still the chance that this was temporary and I wanted to keep it with me for the rest of my life.
“Fuck, princess.” I smiled when his words sounded softly against my ear. I lifted my hand and ran it through his short strands of hair but paused when he spoke again. “I love you so much.” I stiffened at his words, and he pulled back a little so he could see my eyes. “I came here to tell you that. And I don’t care if that scares you or if you don’t feel the same way, I just wanted you to know where I’m at.”
I considered his words, waiting for the fear to grip me. The fear that it wasn’t real or that he would change his mind, or that I could lose him, but it never came. He didn’t say things he didn’t mean. I had no idea what changed for him. I never expected the word love to come out of his mouth, but I still didn’t know what that meant.
“You love me?” He nodded, so I continued. “And you don’t care how I feel?”
His lips tipped in grin. “Nope. What are you gonna do about it?”
It was obvious he was teasing me, so I played along. “Well, I’d like to say withhold sex, but I think we can both agree, I’m not gonna do that.”
He snorted out a laugh and laid his forehead against my shoulder. I reveled in the feeling of his body shaking with laughter against my own. He slid to the side of me and turned us to face each other.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’ve been keeping me at arm’s length since you were in the hospital. You asked me to give you space. What changed today?”
“Honestly?” I relaxed my head farther into the pillow. “I’m not sure. I just couldn’t hide my feelings today, I guess.” Lifting my finger, I ran it along his short beard. “I missed you.”
He ran his hand along my hip and slid it over my stomach, stopping where the deepest cut had been. Now the only physical proof was a long white scar, but the memory would always stay with me. “Hate these scars.” His eyes slid up to my temple. “Not because of how they look, but what they mean.”
“Tank…” I started softly.
His eyes slid to mine, and I saw sadness. “If I hadn’t let you leave that day, none of this would’ve happened. I knew you were upset and shouldn’t have been driving, but I couldn’t get past my anger to do anything about it. That’s on me. And I’ll live with that guilt for the rest of my life.”
“None of this was your fault,” I replied. “I know you searched for me. Rachel told me that you and Ritz never stopped looking until you got the call that I was at the hospital. I never blamed you for any of this, and I never will. Thank you for never giving up, for doing what my family wouldn’t or couldn’t. It means everything to me to know how much you cared.”
He lifted his hand and laid it against my cheek. “I fucking hate being away from you, princess. I get why you need it, but I hate it.”
Swallowing hard, I pointed out what he told me not all that long ago. “You don’t like relationships, Tank. I even overheard you tell Bear that we were just having fun, and we were, but at some point, that wasn’t what it was for me anymore. That’s why I was pushing you away. And unless you can tell me that something’s changed for you, then we’re right back to where we were.”
He inhaled deeply and then exhaled loudly. “You remember the woman I told you about who was around when I was teenager?”
“Yeah. Erica, right?”
He jerked up his chin. “I called her.”
“You did? Why?”
“I needed to see her. Needed to know if she saw the same monster in me that she saw in my dad.”
“You were afraid of being like him?” Understanding filled me when his words finally sank in. “Is that why you never had a real relationship?”
“I never wanted to hurt someone like he did. Figured it was in my genes, so I just avoided getting too close.”
“That’s not who you are,” I answered quietly.
He grinned. “That’s what Erica said.” He slid his hand down to the side of my neck, and his smile dropped. “I needed to be sure. If I ever hurt you—”
“You never would.” I interrupted him. “I’ve trusted you from the minute I met you. I knew in my heart you would never hurt me.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “I want this. Never told a woman I loved her before, never wanted someone by my side, and I sure as hell never wanted something long term until I met you. I’m just askin’ for a second chance to fix what I fucked up. You gonna give me that?”
“Can we take it slow?” I asked, already accepting I didn’t want to let him go, but I had some stuff to work on before I made any big moves with him. “I want to get my own place in Cranberry and focus on my new job for a while. I don’t want to lose myself in this. I want to keep figuring out who I am and what I like.”
