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I jerked up my chin and turned the knob before opening the door. I made my way through the bar, and up the stairs, before pushing open my bedroom door, wondering if Jane would even be there. Given time to think about what we were doing outside and coming in here to finish, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was packing her shit to leave.
But I was surprised to see her curled up in the bed. Walking a little closer, I noticed she was in pajamas, her hair pulled up in a bun, and she was fast asleep. With a sigh, I pulled off my jeans and threw them on the chair. I contemplated waking her up but decided against it. That wasn’t why she was here. I’d gotten too caught up in the moment and had a feeling if we’d gone through with it, she’d regret it tomorrow. I didn’t want to be someone she regretted. Yanking off my shirt, I tossed it down, turned off the light, and crawled into bed. As long as we stayed on our sides of the bed, I’d be fine. I was finally drifting off to sleep when Josie’s words played through my mind, and I knew she was right.
Jane needed to start making choices that benefited her and her future.
I still wasn’t sure this weekend would help her decide anything, but I sure as hell wasn’t giving it up now that she agreed to stay. With a small grin, I stretched out on my back and let sleep take me, but it only felt like minutes before I woke again.
Shaking off sleep, I realized Jane was plastered to my side, leg thrown over mine and my hand laying against her naked ass. I had no idea how the hell we ended up this way again. We’d gone to bed on opposites sides. Grabbing my phone, I lifted it to see the time and realized I’d only been in bed for an hour. It didn’t take us long to gravitate toward each other. Staring at the ceiling, I slid my hand from her panties and laid it over my forehead. This was torture and one of my own making.
Slowly pulling my other arm out from under her, I sat up and hung my head before standing up. I needed some air. Actually, I needed a smoke. I grabbed my T-shirt and tugged it over my head before reaching for my jeans on the chair and pulling them on. I found my pack of cigarettes and lighter on the dresser, along with my keys, and without a backward glance, I made my way down the stairs.
It was quiet now, the opposite to only hours before. I was surprised with how many guys showed up, but maybe we all needed it after what happened to me last week. A reminder of why we still fought these battles with people who didn’t ultimately matter. We needed to remember we were doing all of this to live the lifestyle we all loved. Most of us didn’t have great families, if any at all, and that was what this was for us. Giving it up would be hard on too many of us, but sometimes always watching your back got tiring, and we needed a reason to keep pushing forward.
I stepped outside and leaned my back against the wall, enjoying the warm night air. September in North Carolina was usually still warm, but this one was even warmer. These were the perfect nights to ride, and if Jane wasn’t lying in my bed, I’d jump on my bike and ride until the sun came up. It might just be what I needed to clear my head.
But I wasn’t leaving her.
Cupping my hands around my cigarette, I lit it and let the first long pull calm my nerves. Maybe I would just sleep outside tonight. I hadn’t done that in a long time, probably not since the Army, but it felt like it could solve a lot of my problems right now.
I jerked away from the wall when the door opened, and Jane stepped out. I was surprised to see her, but more than that, I was annoyed. I needed this break, and even though she didn’t realize that was why I was out here, I thought she’d stay asleep so I could take it.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
She looked at the cigarette dangling from my fingertips. “Those are bad for you.”
I shrugged. “I do a lot of shit that’s bad for me.”
She tilted her head. “No, you don’t.”
“Why are you out here, Jane?”
“I woke up, and you weren’t there. I thought maybe you never came to bed, but when everything downstairs was dark, I was worried. That’s when I saw the front door cracked open. Why are you out here? Is everything okay?”
“Just wanted to smoke.”
“Do you always get up in the middle of the night to smoke?”
“I do whatever the fuck I wanna do.”
Her head jerked back, and she moved away. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”
I was being a dick, and she had no idea why. It wasn’t her fault that I had difficulty keeping my hands to myself. That was my problem. What made it worse was that I had no plans to tell her why I was acting this way.
I couldn’t.
Lifting the cigarette to my lips, I inhaled before dropping it back to my side. “You’re not prying. Smoking calms me down, that’s all.”
“Are you upset because someone’s targeting you?”
My eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean?”
“I overheard you and Dozer talking when I was finishing up in the bathroom.” She took a step closer and laid her hand against my bicep. “Are you in danger?”
I couldn’t take this. Her hand on me, the concern in her eyes, she was like a fucking magnet. Dropping the cigarette, I wrapped my hands around her hips and turned us so her back was to the wall. “Can you do something for me?”
“Of course,” she replied immediately. “Anything.”
“Can you please go inside and go back to bed?” I lifted my hands and laid them on the wall beside her. “I’ll be in later.”
