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“You have fun?”
She smiled. “Yeah. I had more fun than I’ve had in a long time, maybe ever.” She hesitated before continuing. “Did you have fun?”
I nodded slowly. “Haven’t had a weekend off in a long time.”
Her smile faded a little. “Well then it was good you had an excuse to take a break.”
We were making small talk, and that wasn’t us. Obviously, we were both avoiding the conversation we needed to have, and I wasn’t doing that anymore. I needed to know where her head was.
Even if I didn’t like the answer.
“You done living this way?”
She tilted her head. “I don’t understand what you’re asking.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “You’ve been living with one foot in my world and one foot in your parents’. Never made a decision about where you belonged. This weekend help you figure that out?”
She watched me closely for a moment, and my stomach sank. I knew what she was going to say before the words spilled from her lips. “I’m going home.”
Dropping my head, I pulled my hand from my pocket and ran it along the back of my neck. “So that’s it, huh? You’re going through with it?”
She nodded slowly. “I think it’s what’s best for me.”
I snorted. “You got nothing from this weekend but that shit?”
“This weekend was amazing.” She inhaled deeply. “But it was temporary. It’s not real. It’s not what life is every day. It’s like going on vacation and having the time of your life, but at the end, you have to go home.”
Anger rolled through me, but I could tell by her expression that nothing I said would change her mind. “Then that’s what you should do.”
Turning, I started back toward the clubhouse. I couldn’t do this shit. I was pissed, but I wasn’t even sure why, and if she was going to leave, I just needed her to leave.
“Why are you angry?”
I stopped walking when I heard her voice, but I didn’t turn around. “Not angry, Jane.”
“I don’t understand you.” She raised her voice. “You asked for this weekend, and I gave you that. What more do you want from me?”
Turning around, I faced her and let my anger take hold. “This weekend was a chance for you to see what you could do on your own, and you only saw it as a break from your life.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Why the fuck are you going to marry a man you don’t want to marry?”
Her shoulders dropped, and a look of defeat filled her expression. “What other options do I have, Tank?”
My eyebrows drew together. “You have a million options. You’re just choosing the easy way out.”
She laughed without humor. “Trust me, this is not the easy way.”
“That’s fucking bullshit, Jane.” I raised my voice. “You shouldn’t be with someone like him.”
“Who should I be with?” She gestured toward me. “You? Because you made it very clear that you don’t do relationships. You’ve said it to just about anyone who will listen, but you’re mad at me because I want one.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of never being enough. I’m tired of always being on the outside looking in. That’s not different here. I’m still the outsider.” She took a few steps back. “He might not love me, but at least he wants me.”
“He doesn’t want you, Jane. He doesn’t even know you. He wants what you can give him. What he can get from you and your family.”
“Maybe”—she shrugged—“but it has to be better than wanting someone who doesn’t want you at all.” She gestured back and forth between us. “I’ve done this. I’ve already lived this, so I know the ending, and it doesn’t end well for me. At least with him, I know what I’m getting, and I’ll always know where I stand.”
“You’re telling me you’re okay marrying a man who’s using you?”
“I’ve never known a man who doesn’t lie or cheat or use people to get what he wants. They all do eventually. Maybe it’s good that I don’t love him. Maybe I won’t care that he lies and tells me he’s working when he’s actually meeting other women. Maybe all this time, I was wrong for wanting more than that.” She opened her door, but before she got in, she looked back, and all I saw was sadness. “I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’ll never forget this.” She looked around before her eyes met mine again. “Or you. I wish I could be the person you want me to be, but it’s too much of a risk, and if I don’t leave now, I won’t be able to. I don’t want to be here when you decide to walk away from whatever this is.”
She got into her vehicle and shut the door before starting it up. She didn’t meet my eyes when she put it in drive, and I didn’t want to watch her leave. I couldn’t. Walking toward the garage, I listened to the gravel crunching beneath the tires when she pulled onto the main road.
