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Settling in War's kitchen, chopping vegetables alongside my warrior is the most relaxed I have felt in years. I can feel War is completely comfortable in his kitchen chopping red peppers like he does this every day.
I must admit, I was fairly quiet and tense when we first made our way into the house. He walked me through the main living room, showed me the kitchen, which was remarkable for a man's place, and walked through to the den. It wasn’t until I was led the spare bedrooms and finally the master bedroom that I noticed how tense I was becoming.
The entire home is a rustic style with leather sofas, a big screen television, and state of the art appliances because Ava insists on the best for when she and Guard are invited over. The bathrooms are all modern as well, with chrome accessories and cream and tan walls.
When he showed me the master bedroom, all I could see was the huge bed and all I could picture was War and me, wrapped up in each other in that bed. War left my bags in the bedroom and told me that there was plenty of time to put things away later. He searched my face and obviously saw that I was freaking out. I had thought all sensuality was abolished from my mind, body, and soul. I’ve been so removed and avoided intimacy. The only person I’ve been willing to let put their arms around me has been my brother. I’ve gotten more and more comfortable with the guys but still avoid even the most casual touch.
War led me back out and down the hallway into the living room. “What’s bothering you, Kitten?” He asks, enveloping my hands with his.
“Nothing.” I say, not even able to raise my eyes.
With supreme gentleness and patience War asks again. “Baby, I think you’re lying to me. I thought we were going to be honest.” War places his hand under my chin and raises it so that I can look into those mesmerizing eyes.
I take a deep breath. This is a leap of faith. I want to be with him and that means I need to learn to communicate better. “I’m not used to staying with someone. I haven’t ... I don’t have...” I stop, and I’m so very embarrassed, I can feel my skin turning scarlet pink.
“Baby, maybe we should talk about your experiences. Not in detail, but what you’re comfortable with.” He sits down and pulls me along to sit beside him. “Have you had sex before?”
KILL ME NOW!!!!
Something just snaps. Some asshole shook my life apart years ago and I allowed this to happen. I have been living like a nun because I’m too terrified to let anyone near me for fear of losing all I can control. I have very little to lose because I have not taken the time to accumulate friends and memories.
I jump to my feet, placing my hands on my hips.
“War, I was a normal person before the attack. I dated. Although I haven’t had many boyfriends thanks to tour life. Yes, I’ve had sex. But I haven’t lived the life that you have, and I think you are going to find me plain. I haven’t done much; I’m not some kinky, sexy girl." Then the reality hit, and it just spurted out of my mouth, “What if there are things you won’t like about me?” Tears well and my bottom lip starts quivering. “Maybe you should take me back to my place and...”
“NO.” He growls it loudly, shutting me up immediately. War rises to stand in front of me, taking a hold of me with one hand while gently caressing my cheek with the other. “What won’t I like? So far, I like everything about you.” I search his face; he seems so certain and so sincere.
“I have nightmares. I wake up screaming, even after two years, I still can’t stop them.” I tell him quietly.
“So, I hold you and we talk through it until you fall back to sleep. What else?”
“I get an idea for a song and I get up and start to play the guitar and hum,” I say, biting my lower lip automatically.
“I like your music. I find it calming. I can come down and lay on the sofa and sleep here next to you. What else?” He systematically breaks down every obstacle I utter.
“What if I can’t make you happy? I’m not an innocent, but I’m also not as experienced as you.” I try to shift back, trying to create distance between us.
“Oh no,” he says, pulling me close enough to wrap his arms around my waist as I place my hands on his chest and look up at him. “I don’t care about what you think you know or don’t know about sex. I know that we want each other. I want you, but I can go slow. I want you to be you.” Then he kisses me softly, deeply with purpose. I can feel his desire pressed up against me and I just wanted to hang onto to this moment. When he pulls his head back, I stifle a whimper at the lost connection.
“Did you like that?” he asks, still holding my head and nipping at my lips.
“Yes” I whisper breathlessly. I’m so tempted to drag my hands through his hair and fist them tightly in it to pull his mouth back onto mine.
War has other ideas and falls backwards to lay on the sofa, settling me so that I’m lying on top of him, feeling all the strength and hardness of his body. A strong hand is secure at my waist while the other trails my back with his fingertips. “Kitten, feel me. I am burning for you. I am so hard I can barely control myself.” He proceeds to move his hips, so I can feel his erection. “Does this not show you how much I desire you? I want you here with me.”
I wiggle upward and position myself so my brow rests on his. “I want you too. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”
“Highly unlikely, Kitten. Let’s just take one day at a time.”
I relax and snuggle to burrow myself securely against his hard body.
“Baby, ten minutes and then we have to start dinner,”,” he says.
I let out an audible sigh while moving the tips of my fingers under his shirt loving the feel of his skin.
* * *
War
