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“I wouldn’t say hated.” Carl muses. “Despised, certainly. Abhorred, definitely.”
“Well, the feeling was more than mutual.”
“I gathered as much.”
“But why? What had I ever done to you? Why me and not my brother?”
“You, Chloe, were everything I hated about rich, spoiled kids. You never had to survive. You never lived. Your life had been placed before you on a silver platter. Everything was fed to you on your beautiful, jewel-encrusted spoon. What did you know about the real struggles of life, of trying to survive? You had everything, and I had nothing.”
“But you had a chance when you came to live with us.”
“Really, Chloe? Even you must know that wasn’t the case.”
“My mom and dad welcomed you. Frank and I welcomed you. We all did.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You looked down on me from the minute I walked through your door. Frank didn’t really care one way or the other, but you? You hated me.”
I recall the first day Carl arrived at our house. I didn’t think I’d been cold toward him or judgmental, but I was fourteen. I can’t remember what I did or said to him, but I do remember my instant dislike for him. Had I been that transparent? Had he seen exactly what I thought about him? Could I have been a little nicer? Could I have tried harder? Shit, this is all my fault.
“I’d been in the foster system for years and had lived with many people I hated, but you were the one I hated the most. You and your fucking wealth and status. You and your talents and beauty. You had it all, and you didn’t even know it. I hated you then, and I hate you now, more so for what you did to me, the years you stole from me with your fucking lie. You had the audacity to nearly kill us both, then lie to the police, putting me away in a youth detention center. Do you know what it’s like in there, Chloe? Do you know what it takes to survive a place like that?” A tear rolls down my cheek. I despise myself for it, but he isn’t worth my tears.
“I am sorry,” I whisper.
“You think that’s all it’s going to take?”
I shake my head. “No, no. I’m sorry for what you went through, but you made my life hell.”
“None of it matters. It’s in the past, and we can’t change the past. But we can change the future.”
“Are you going to kill me?” I gulp. I’m ready for it. I’ve been waiting for so long. I have been checking over my shoulder all these years, and now that he’s here and the moment has come, I am ready. I have to face the consequences of my actions and pay for what I did. I want to accept it, but then I think of Gianni. The thought of never seeing him again burns inside me. The thought of never feeling his hand against my skin, never looking into his eyes, and never hearing his voice again sends a roll of nausea crashing into my stomach.
“Is that what you think? That I’m here to kill you?” Carl quizzes me. I’m confused by his answer. Surely, this is what I am here for. What other purpose do I serve?
“Isn’t that what you came to the coffee shop for?”
“I came to the shop because you’d been in contact with Cora. She kept babbling on about you and me, about us seeing each other. I knew you’d been to see her. Why else would she have kept going on about it?”
“I swear, I didn’t go and see Cora,” I plead. “Shecame to the coffee shop.Sheattacked me in the parking lot. She was convinced we’d been seeing each other. I told her that wasn’t the case, but she wouldn’t listen. She’s never been very good at trusting people, that’s why she has been on her own for so long.” Carl thinks about this while I try a different angle. “She loves you. God, she thinks the earth revolves around you. That’s the only reason she came to see me because she saw me as a threat, and she loves you too much not to put up a fight for you.”
“I know. Pathetic, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“To love someone that much. It makes my skin crawl. Why would you put so much faith in one person? I learned my lesson long ago. You end up like that stupid Italian guy who’s just handed you over to me on a platter. All in the name of love. It’s very overrated.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Love, Chloe, makes people do stupid things. Take Cora, for example. Running off to find you to warn you off me. Stupid. Because then I have to come and find you to make sure you haven’t blabbed your mouth off, and then that other guy practically throws himself at me trying to be your gallant savior and ends up with a knife in his gut. That, I hadn’t planned, and now I’m being hunted for fucking murder. And the root of the problem is you. It’s always you. So now I have to sort the problem out.”
“So, you’re going to kill me?”
“I will do nothing of the sort. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love nothing more than to put a gun to your head and watch your brains splatter out onto the wall. Or, even better, to stab you in the stomach and leave you to bleed to death very, very slowly before burning your drained body. It’s extremely tempting. I did it once to a cat, and it was very satisfying to watch.” I try to lunge at him, but my hands are tied fast. Carl smirks at me. “I’m not going to kill you today. But you do have to be dealt with. I can’t have you running around now. You’re the only witness to the knife attack.”
“I’m the only witness, and I told them it was an accident. If you kill me, then there are no witnesses. The police believed me. I told them you didn’t mean to kill him,” I lie. If I can convince him he needs me, he might let me go. I try to fool myself that this might be the case, but deep down, I know I will not convince him of anything. Carl laughs like a hysterical child.
“And you think that’ll help? Chloe, I’m an ex-con. I’m an arsonist, thanks to you, and don’t forget that I arrived with a knife in my pocket. That’s intent right there. Do you really think a jury would roll over because you said it was an accident? Grow up, Chloe. I’m in the shit, again, because of you.”
“Then do it!” I shout. “Get it over with. Just kill me and have done with it. What are you waiting for?”
