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With his help, I make it to the edge of the rink, albeit slowly and awkwardly. He helps me sit down on a bench. I’m breathing heavily, and my legs feel like jelly.
“Thanks for helping me out and being patient with me,” I say, grinning up at him.
“Please. It was fun. No extra patience needed.” He kneels in front of me, unlacing my skates.
“It was fun making sure I didn’t break my face skating?” I roll my eyes. “You must be joking.”
His hands pause on my skates, and he glances up at me, his expression serious. “Spending time with you, doing anything, is more fun than I’ve had in longer than I can remember.”
The words steal my breath and anything I might have considered saying next. “Duke…” I don’t know what comes next. He mustn’t, either, because he shifts to sit next to me.
“You should be able to slide those off now,” he says, motioning to the skates. “I’m going to go do a few laps with Tabby. Are you okay here for a few minutes?”
I scan his face, looking for some sign of what he’s thinking. But I’m confused, tired, and flustered, and I can’t read his expression and don’t understand what’s going on here. So, I nod, and he squeezes my arm before he hops up and heads back out to the ice.
I put my sneakers back on and watch Duke and his daughter mess around together. He sweeps her up into his arms, and she laughs, and my chest aches. They’re so much alike. Both quiet and reserved, but underneath, they’re sensitive and feel things intensely. It’s impossible not to want to be important to them, and my heart melts.
I’m afraid this won’t end well for any of us.
Monday morning, Duke leaves with the team for two away games. After he’s gone, I visit a blood testing center, and they take vial after vial of blood. There are a few tests to determine if a patient and a potential donor are a kidney match. These samples will determine, through blood typing, tissue typing, and crossmatching, if Lily will accept my kidney or not.
It’s not my right, but I miss sleeping next to Duke on Monday night.
Tuesday, I distract myself by calling Violet and meeting her for lunch. She’s working as a financial analyst in Philadelphia, so I take the train in. I suggest we stop at the food court at the mall, but she insists on treating me at a posh bistro around the corner from her work. It’s feeling like fall, so we sit outside on the restaurant patio. Violet has a glass of wine with her salad, but I refrain. I tell her to congratulate Hunter on making the team, and she asks a ton of subtle but pointed questions about my relationship with Duke. It’s fun to catch up with her.
On Wednesday, I’m sitting with Lily for her morning dialysis. She’s bloated, and seeing the signs of her kidneys failing reminds me we’re running out of time. The lab assured me it wouldn’t take long to get the results, but I’m still anxious. Lily waves me off, but I can tell she’s only trying to make me feel better. After I return her to her assisted living facility, I drive home with fifteen minutes to spare until Tabby gets off the bus.
When I turn off the engine, my phone comes out of driving mode and signals I have a voicemail. It’s Tabby’s teacher, Miss Shepherd, so I dial her back as I head inside.
“Thank you for calling me back so quickly,” she says after our greetings.
“Absolutely.” I’ve emailed back and forth with Miss Shepherd as we make our way through Tabby’s testing approval. “I know how important it is to be available.”
“And teachers appreciate that more than you know.” Miss Shepherd chuckles. “I was going to email, but it’s just as easy to call. I’ll email you the list of tests we’ve scheduled for Tabby. Most of them will be in the building here, but a couple will need to be conducted at the district office. After we have those results, we can schedule a full meeting with everyone to go over everything and come up with a final plan of action. I hope that both you and Mr. York will attend.”
“When you know, I’ll clear it with Mr. York. We’ll definitely be there.”
“Wonderful. I’ll send you the paperwork as we get it.”
“Thank you, Miss Shepherd.”
“Absolutely.” She pauses, then says, “I don’t know if it’s my place, but I wanted to let you know there’s a long-term substitute teaching position that will be available after Thanksgiving. It’s one of the special education teachers in the second-grade pod. I recall you said you just graduated from Rutgers and you’re dually certified, correct? General and special education?”
“I am.” My heart rate picks up.
“Well, I wanted to bring the position to your attention.” She exhales slowly. “We could use someone like you in our department.”
I don’t know what to say. I’ve only met Miss Shepherd once. “How do you know?” I ask before I can stop myself.
She laughs softly. “I’ve been teaching for ten years. I know a lot about people. You have good intentions. Honestly, that’s the most important part of teaching, I think.”
I thank her for considering me and hang up. I’m standing on the porch, about to go in and drop my purse, but I sit down on one of the rocking chairs there instead.
It’s a late October day, and the weather is perfect for a fair-skinned girl like me. Mid-sixties, so I’m in jeans and a sweater. Tucking one leg under myself, I push the rocking chair with the other, allowing the rhythm to soothe me.
This teaching job might be the piece of the puzzle to assuage my worries. If it doesn’t start until after the holidays, that would give me time to help Lily first. I assume the transplant would make dialysis unnecessary, so she won’t need me as much after long. A substitute position wouldn’t require the same amount of work as if I got hired in a full-time position, I assume. But I could still be there for Tabby, if Duke would still want me to live here. We haven’t talked about that aspect of our relationship. Everything is new to us. I don’t think either of us wants to rock the boat.
I haven’t told him I won’t accept my paycheck on Friday. I keep meaning to, but I feel like it’ll upset him, so I haven’t. But I need to. When he gets back from his trip, I’ll broach the subject. Maybe by then I’ll know more about whether I’m a match for Lily.
