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I hoped for so much more, and now, staring at his guarded face, I realize how naïve that was. “The part about me being a manipulative gold digger? Or the assumption that I’m taking advantage of Tabby to get close to you?” I cross my arms over my chest. “There’s so much to unpack.”
He rakes his hands through his hair. “Shit, June…” He exhales like he’s exasperated—like he’s the one who’s facing accusations here. “This seems like a huge thing in your life. Why didn’t you say something to me?”
“Because we don’t talk about money.” I open my arms to include the beautiful home around me. “Look at this place. You had someone come in to install bookshelves in the playroom and you didn’t blink an eye. Complaining to you about money would have been weird.”
His hands settle on his hips. “June… I thought we were...” He trails off, and then his jaw firms. “This isn’t just regular financial struggles. You went to the pawnshop.”
I want to bristle at the hint of accusation I hear in his tone, but I hold my expression neutral. “Yes. I went to a pawnshop. I sold some things for Lily. I didn’t realize I needed to run that by you.”
“Is she okay? Financially, I mean?”
“No.” I narrow my eyes at him. “I wouldn’t be selling her things if she was okay.” As I watch the confusion play over his features, I realize he wouldn’t understand how it feels to be financially unstable. Hockey is an expensive sport to play, so he must have grown up in comfort. Then he signed to a huge contract early on. The gap in our experiences widens.
“Can I help her?”
I shake my head. “She won’t take money from you. She’s not a charity case.”
“But she would accept it from you. Why didn’t you ask me for help?”
“Because of this.” I wave my hand to encompass him. “The pity on your face is bad enough. I wasn’t just going to ask to borrow some money. We’re not just friends. Besides, until recently, you paid all of my bills. The only reason you stopped paying me is because we’re sleeping together, and I refused my salary.”
His expression closes further, and he folds his arms over his chest. “We’re sleeping together. Is that all?”
I’ve hurt him, but I’m hurting, too. “You tell me, Duke. What exactly are we? Last night, you introduced me as your nanny to Nancy. I live here. I take care of Tabby, and we sleep together.” These are the facts, and they’re what I have. I’ve never had the luxury to pretend my reality differed from what it was. It would be easy for me to romanticize it. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. It hurts to even imagine my life without them. But that doesn’t change the facts.
He sweeps forward and grips my shoulders. He’s not rough, but his eyes are intense as they stare into mine. “I love you. That’s what we are.”
The words drop like a cannonball in his living room. It’s only after they’re in the air that I realize how much I’ve been dreaming of hearing them.
These past weeks haven’t only been great—they’ve been magical for me. A fairy tale. Duke’s an amazing lover, sure, but it’s so much more than that. I’ve been able to pretend we’re a little family, and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I wanted him and his daughter to be mine, more than I’ve wanted anything else before.
But not like this.
“You love me,” I repeat, shaking my head. “Then how can you believe any of the garbage in that article? It says I’m using you, that I’m a gold digger. Worse, that I’m using Tabby.” Even saying the words makes me feel sick.
He blows out a frustrated breath. “Hell, June. I don’t believe that shit. No way. But all these secrets.” He shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”
“Secrets? They’re not secrets. This is my life.” How would he understand any of that? But even if he doesn’t, I should have. I should have seen how I wouldn’t fit into his world here. I press my hand to my forehead. “I’ll need to move out. I should have before, when we started sleeping together.” I just didn’t want to. I’ve been too caught up in the fairy tale of being here with him. Spending the nights in his bed, dinners together. Being around to hear all of Tabby’s ramblings when she gets home from school. Even considering leaving hurts my heart.
“Wait, why?”
“Because it’s not appropriate for me to live here with your daughter. It’s exactly what Ms. Raybourne warned us about in the beginning. You’ll still need someone to help with Tabby, of course. I’ll still be able to do that. I’ll still be able to do that, even after.” Talking things out has always helped me work through problems. My brain races with the added complication of caring for Tabby when I’m not living here. “Now that Nancy is getting better, she can take some nights, especially after my surgery.”
“What surgery?” Duke interrupts me, his tone clipped.
I glance up at him and register the panic on his face. “The transplant surgery.” This wasn’t how I planned to tell him, but we’ll need to work it into the schedule now, if Tabby won’t be affected. “I’m donating my kidney to Lily.”
“You’re donating a kidney. Like it says in the article.” I should be used to him repeating statements like questions.
“Yes. I found out last night I’m a match. They referred us to a specialist for the procedure.”
“I see.” His face says he clearly doesn’t. “You’ve decided to donate a kidney, and I didn’t know. When did you plan to tell me?” It’s impossible to miss the betrayal in his tone, and it unsettles me.
I lift my shoulders helplessly. “Today. I planned to tell you today. I wanted to talk to Lily first, to make sure she understood and agreed.”
“She didn’t agree?” He rubs his temple. “Didn’t you think this was something I should have known about? A kidney donation is major surgery.”
“I told you. I wasn’t sure Lily was on board until this morning. I didn’t think it was worth discussing until I was sure. But it seems like everything is falling together. Nancy can take care of Tabby while I’m recovering. So there shouldn’t be a major disruption for you at all.”
