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“He did a shitty thing, that’s for sure. You have every right to be mad at him. I would be. But we’ve gotten to know Ben, he’s a kind and gentle soul. He felt such a connection to you and this town that he changed his whole life.”
“But-”
“I ain’t finished. Now, I get you’re mad and that’s fine, he should have been honest with you, about everything, including the Elvis thing. So if you don’t think you can move on from this, that’s okay. But if you’re just being stubborn and letting your pride hold you back from true happiness then you’re only getting in your own way. Seeing you two together was something special and I don’t want you to throw it away like I nearly did.”
Having just witnessed Taylor go through her own personal relationship drama, Kayleigh understood exactly what she meant.
“You’resomething special, Kay and just for the record, I also believe you could do the writing thing. I just didn’t say it earlier because I was mad at Christy for telling you to quit. But if that’s the right thing for you, I support you, one hundred and ten percent.”
“I used to be in love with you,” Kayleigh blurted out in response to Taylor’s kind words.
Taylor’s eyebrows winged up. Then her gaze softened. “I’m not surprised, I’m really awesome.”
Kayleigh barked out a laugh and Taylor pulled her into a hug.
That night Kayleigh sat in her room, mulling over Christy’s words. Christy believed in her, Taylor believed in her, and so did Ben. So, was she being ridiculous? Were her doubts making her stand in her own way? Was she stopping herself from being the person she wanted to be?
Yes, she thought. A resoundingyes.
Kayleigh 2.0 wouldn’t put up with these doubts and this bullshit, she would be living and writing and getting herself out there. Suddenly the thought of Kayleigh 2.0 didn’t feel right. Who even was Kayleigh 2.0? Some version of herself she created so that she could feel safer in owning her confidence and taking what she wanted? Why should she have to create an alter ego to do that? She shouldn’t be afraid to be confident, to go after what she wanted and take up space. Neither of the two main influences in her life, Taylor and Ben, would be afraid.
Ben had done so much for her in the two months they’d been hanging out. He’d pushed her outside of her comfort zone and shown her what she could achieve if she just set her mind to it. She had grown in confidence and started to believe in herself. And watching him as he had owned his passion, his Elvis-ness, taking control of what he wanted had inspired her to do the same. He had given her confidence and helped her to grow as a person.
Ben had loved her long before he even knew Kayleigh 2.0 existed. She didn’t need Kayleigh 2.0, Kayleigh 2.0 wasn’t separate to her, shewasher. The best version of herself.
With that realization, Kayleigh logged onto her computer and started researching what she needed to do to start living the life she deserved. Then once she had figured out her path, she started typing up a letter she didn’t want to write but needed to, nonetheless.
*
Chapter 17
She’d blocked him.
The action spoke volumes.
Ben waited until she got home, didn’t chase after her like his pounding blood told him to, that would do no good, she was too upset, too angry with him to listen and rightfully so. He would wait and see if she came online and try to speak to her then. Thirty minutes later when she did, he immediately messaged her, having zero patience, zero chill. Because when you could feel the love of your life slipping between your fingers, patience didn’t exist.
All those messages were read, then a few moments later they were gone. The whole chat was gone. GoodGirlKay was gone. He blinked, hoping it was a trick of his eyes.
“What the f-” he muttered, tapping frantically at his mouse. Closing and opening chats, typing her name in the search bar, nothing. He typed different iterations of her screen name and each time, nothing.
His heart pounded in his chest; his stomach clenched up tight, ready to accept the blow.
She had blocked him. She wanted nothing to do with him. He had hurt her so much she wanted to erase him and the last two years from her life. He sat in his chair, staring at the blank screen that claimed to not know who GoodGirlKay was until the sun began to set and Geralt was tugging at his pants leg.
He bent down, ruffling the bunny’s fluff then lifted Geralt into his arms, hugging him tight. The long fur tickled his nose and eyes, but he didn’t care. He needed comfort and to work out how the hell to fix what he’d broken.
His body demanded he leap into action, that he go around and see her. That he message her or call her, that he turn up at the bar during her shift to see her. But that block…that told him she didn’t want that. His body fought against his instinct to act while his mind calmed itself and accepted that she needed space. After what he’d done the least he could do was respect her wishes.
So he did, he waited that night, then the second night, the hours ticking by painfully slowly. So slowly he was suddenly grateful for the bottle of Tennessee whiskey he’d bought to celebrate moving in. The whole bottle was gone that night while he played various miserable songs. He was such a cliché.
The next day he paid for every mouthful. He spent the morning vomiting while Geralt sat in the corner of the bathroom, his little nose twitching with disappointment. Then Ben showered and napped, and by the time he was getting ready for his shift, he felt almost normal. If you ignored the aching chasm in his chest which whiskey had not filled at all.
The only bright light on the horizon was that if he got to the bar early enough, he might see Kayleigh as they crossed over on their shifts. He was excited to see her but there was a tremor of fear. If she rejected him at all, he would crumble, right there in front of her. He had faced so much rejection from his ex, Tammy, and his family, that if Kayleigh pushed him away, he didn’t know if he would recover.
He entered the bar, the noise engulfing him and jolting him out of his mind. He had been alone with his own thoughts, in silence, apart from heart-breaking ballads blaring through his house last night, and he wasn’t used to noise. It was surprisingly comforting, but as he looked around the packed bar, down the hallway to the kitchen and back toward Taylor’s office, his comfort disappeared.She’s already gone.
“I’ve changed some shifts around.” Ben turned as Taylor appeared in the doorway of her office. “Figured that maybe it wasn’t the best thing for you and Kayleigh to be working together.”
