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ChapterOne
Iwake up drenched in sweat from another nightmare and throw the covers off of me with a groan. I’m breathing in short pants and fighting to remember what it was about, but all that is doing is causing me a headache.
The light shining in from my bedside window is bright, alerting me that it’s time to pull up my big girl panties and get today started. I can’t spend another minute in this house with a mother I don’t remember and a father who looks at me, with so much guilt.
I roll to the side of the bed and reach for my phone, turning on a playlist I must have set up before. Music starts to play softly from the speakers in the corners of my room, and I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I think I like this song.
I don’t know the words, but I find myself humming as I get off the bed and walk to the bathroom, kitty-corner to my closet. There’s so much I don’t remember now; it almost feels normal.
The shower calls to me as I peel off my damp pajamas and toss them into the hamper under the sink. Turning the dial to warm, I let the water heat up before stepping inside and pulling the curtain closed. I quickly scrub myself and rinse off. My hair is still clean from last night’s shower, and I try to keep it dry. I don’t have enough time to blow dry and style it. Huh, do I even know how to style it? I’ll have to watch some more Youtube videos.
I turn the water off and grab the robe hanging on the hook; slipping it on, I shuffle to the sink to brush my teeth. Drying my feet on the towel laid out on the floor, I open up the cupboard hidden behind the mirror, pull out my brush, makeup, and pills, then start to get ready for my first day of high school.
To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I have a feeling that I’m missing something vital, which is the norm these days, but I’m hoping that returning to a place I spent the past three years will jog some memories.
I move back into my room and get dressed, not caring about what I put on. “Are you awake, sweetheart?” my dad asks with a knock on my bedroom door. I nod, then laugh, feeling stupid.He can’t see you, Gracie.I shake my head.
“Yes. I’m almost ready, actually,” I call out, and he laughs.
“Excited for your first day? That’s good, Gracie. I’m glad.” I open the door and greet him with a shrug.
“Excited to get out and actually be around people my own age,” I say, and he does the whole hand to his heart as if I’ve hurt him.
“You wound me, kiddo. But I have to get to the office. I just wanted to wish you a good day at school. Your mom is in the kitchen.” He leans in as if to kiss my head, but I’m not ready for that yet. With a sigh, he pulls away and gives me a wave and a smile.
“Bye,” I whisper, then shut the door.
Moving back to the bathroom to finish getting ready, I look at the stranger in the mirror.You can do this,Gracie.The reflection staring back at me is one I still don’t remember.
Eyes the color of a stormy sky, hair the color of the setting sun, and skin kissed by snow look back at me.
Wow, when did I become so poetic? Seriously, I mean, it’s just gray eyes and blonde hair.I shake my head with a giggle. Maybe I was an English lover before the accident? I do have a lot of books on my shelf. I stop, and the girl in the mirror frowns.
“Just another question to add to my growing list,” I say with a sigh.
I’m trying to be patient, but I feel like I can’t move on until I have answers. I’m currently in this half-limbo life with parents I don’t recognize and memories that are just out of reach. Not to mention the nightmares that make me feel sick when I wake up. I can’t remember them all of the time, and when I do they are so chilling I know it’s not real.
Stepping away from the mirror, I grab my bag and slowly head down the stairs. I move as quietly as possible because I don't know the person in the kitchen very well, even if they claim they are my family.
“Gracelyn, is that you, sweetie?” I pause and contemplate if I should keep moving. It would be rude to ignore her, though. She’s been patient and kind these past few weeks, though something in her eyes puts me on edge...
Sighing, I hesitate a few more seconds before turning and walking into the kitchen. “Um, hi—I mean, good morning. Wow, this is really awkward,” I say quietly, hoping she didn't hear my horrid attempt at a conversation over the grinding of the coffee beans.
I will admit one thing about this lady, well, I guess my mom, she knows how to make the house smell like a coffee shop. It calms me.
I freeze and take a deep breath as a memory flashes through my mind, almost like a movie reel from before.
I’m walking down a street,holding someone's hand. I don't know who it is. His face is blurry. The sun is shining in my eyes, making me squint, but he's laughing. I like the sound of it, almost like a tiger's growl but with a melodic note to it.
He stops suddenly in front of a building, opening the door to the most magical place in town—Willows Books and Bakery. The aroma is a heavenly mixture of exotic coffee beans, baked goods, and a hint of ink from the shelves filled with books.
I feel safe, happy, and loved. I want to stay here, but all too soon, it fades away just as quickly as it appeared.
It'sfunny how some things trigger memories while others stay trapped in the darkness that is now my mind.
“Gracelyn, are you okay, baby?” the lady in the kitchen asks.Mom, my mom, I'm going to have to remember to stop calling her ‘lady.’She seems nice, and I really don't want to see her cry again.
“Yes, sorry, I had a short flashback. I didn't mean to space out.”
