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“Absolutely.”
When I stared at her, hoping for an additional explanation and one didn’t come, I questioned her, “Well, how did you get over that?”
Without an ounce of hesitation, she shared, “Kane did it. He proved to me that he was the person I needed in my life all along. He looked out for me, and he did it in a way nobody else had done before him. It was impossible for me to ignore that.”
She really was lucky.
Hearing her say that and recognizing how much things had changed for her from the first time I met her, I couldn’t deny that I wanted what she’d gotten.
I was incredibly delighted for her, and I didn’t think anyone deserved the happy ending more than she did, but I’d have been lying if I said I wasn’t just a bit jealous of all that she’d found.
After the way things had been going for me, and especially after Xavier’s funeral, I was beginning to realize that I not only wanted that, but I needed it. More and more, I was finding that when tough times rolled around, I was hating that I had to endure them all on my own.
“Why do I get the distinct feeling that this conversation isn’t about me or Kane?” Ellery asked. “Is there a guy that’s come into your life?”
“No,” I quickly assured her. Then, realizing I probably looked crazy, I decided I should offer a bit more of an explanation. I let out a sigh and confessed, “It’s about you and Kane, and it isn’t. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I want to make some changes in my life. Seeing what you’ve gone through and where you are now, it’s difficult not to be inspired. I just don’t want to make a mistake, because I’ve been hurt before.”
A sympathetic look washed over her. “I can understand that. I don’t know where you’ll wind up or who will come into your life, but if my experience is anything like what you might encounter, then I’ll say this. You’re going to know, Hanna. There’s going to be that little voice in the back of your mind that might have you questioning if you’re crazy for feeling the way you do, but deep down, you’re going to know. And if the guy is the right guy, he's going to prove to you that you’ll be safe to put your heart in his hands.”
The more she spoke, the more I realized I wanted that.
I wanted a safe place to fall.
I think it was something I’d always wanted since I was a kid. I’d been searching for it since before I walked out of my mother’s house.
It didn’t matter to me how I’d gotten it; I just needed it. Someone to depend on, someone to care. That’s all I wanted.
I’d found it in Archie and Garrett. Then it was gone.
I’d found it in Saul. Then he died.
Was that how it would always be? Would I find it only to have it ripped away? Or was there a chance that if I put in the effort and put myself out there, I could find it again and somehow hold on to it?
I didn’t get any answers to my questions, but the fact that I was even considering this was huge for me. If I took baby steps in an attempt to get where I wanted to go, it was going to be better than sticking my head in the sand and staying where I was.
If there was a chance that I could find what Ellery had found with Kane, it was a risk I was willing to take.
SEVEN
Leo
The phone was pressed against my ear when I looked up from my desk and saw Kane walking past. I held my hand up to indicate I wanted him to stop, and I quickly ended my call.
“Alright, well, I’ll keep you posted,” I said.
“We appreciate your help, Leo.”
“It’s no problem. I’ll talk to you later.”
With that, I disconnected the call and set my phone down as Kane strode into my office and grabbed a seat.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
I shook my head and answered, “Nothing. I was just on the phone with the Steel Ridge PD.”
“Oh, you’re working on that murder case with them, aren’t you?” Kane pressed.
I dipped my chin. “Yep.”
