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Groaning.
Shortly thereafter, the unmistakable sound of him coming.
Fuck.
Fuck.
My body was frozen to the spot, thinking about my husband standing in the shower pleasuring himself.
I’d seen him half naked all day long, and it wasn’t easy.
His body used to be mine, and as I stood there, I thought about how I might have found a way to come back here after a long day in the sun and sand to tease, touch, and taste him if we weren’t at a point in our relationship where we were on this trip, staying in this villa, and sleeping in separate beds.
We’d lost it all.
And now, Johnny was in the shower masturbating while he thought of… what? Who?
Suddenly, a whole new wave of emotions moved through me.
I knew him.
I knew the kind of guy he was, and Johnny wasn’t a man who went for long stretches of time without desiring physical affection. It had been so long,so very long,since we’d been intimate with one another.
I’d initiated this separation.
I’d done that only weeks after he attempted to seduce me in our bathroom following a holiday party.
It had already been a while for us at that point, and he’d made it abundantly clear that he missed the physical intimacy.
Now that I’d indicated I wanted a divorce, had he gone off to get what he needed somewhere else?
The thought of that made something twist in my belly, and that made no sense to me. Why did I care? What did it matter?
Sure, we were technically still married, but if it hadn’t been for Zac and Talia’s wedding, we wouldn’t have been pretending we were still madly in love. We would have likely separated and not been living together while our attorneys worked out the specifics of the divorce. During that time, Johnny would have been free to see who he wanted.
It wasn’t like I didn’t know that was going to eventually happen. When I approached him about a divorce, I was well aware of the fact that it would mean our romantic life would cease to exist in a permanent way, and he’d eventually move on.
So, why did it hurt so bad now?
The water in the shower turned off, causing me to snap out of it and become unstuck. I quietly dashed off to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. Backing away from it, my mind still reeling from all that had just happened, I finally collapsed on the edge of the bed.
Placing one hand on the mattress to steady myself, I brought the other up to my forehead. Closing my eyes, I took slow, deep breaths.
For some reason, it was hearing him in the shower that was forcing me to really look at what I set in motion.
Johnny and I couldn’t be together. We’d grown too far apart, and despite all attempts to fix it, nothing worked. Staying together, both of us miserable, wasn’t an option.
But how was I supposed to let him go?
Maybe the way he saw it, I already did.
It was that thought that eased a bit of the sadness I was feeling and turned it into anger.
Because from where I stood, he’d already let go of me a long time ago. Our relationship couldn’t just be one-sided. As much as I might have withheld physical intimacy from him, he didn’t give me those moments of quality time with him.
I wanted to be more to him than just the woman who spread her legs when he got home from work. Sure, I wanted to be desired, but I needed something else, something more. I needed him to give me what he’d given me for all the years leading up to this point.
I took in another deep breath.
