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And he didn’t hesitate to take advantage of that.
Just as we were about to enter, he reached for my hand and linked his fingers with mine.
As tingles shot up my arm, I came to a halt.
Johnny stopped moving to look at me, but he didn’t let go of my hand.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
He cocked an eyebrow. “Is that a serious question?”
I nodded, shooting him a look that I hoped indicated I was in no mood for him to play games with me.
Tipping his head to the side, confusion washed over him. “I thought you wanted everyone to believe we’re happy and in love. I didn’t think you wanted them to know our marriage was over.”
“I don’t,” I assured him. “What does that have to do with anything?”
He shook his head disapprovingly. The disgust and disappointment were written all over his face when he replied, “I kept my hands to myself the entire time we were on the beach. And when you decided to go in and help Thea pick out her dress for tonight, I walked away from you without kissing you, something I never would have done in the past. How long do you think we’ll be able to avoid showing each other affection before everyone starts to figure out that we’re not the same as we used to be?”
Johnny was right.
Shit.
He was right, and I knew that meant I needed to accept something as simple as him holding my hand as we walked into the restaurant, but I didn’t know how he was managing to do this. How could he hold my hand and not feel like his whole body was ready to burst into flames?
I’d taken far too long asking myself questions I’d never get the answers to when Johnny decided to speak again.
The harshness was out of his tone, and he no longer looked like he wanted to murder me. “I’m trying my best here, Kiera,” he started. “I’m doing what I can to keep up this charade, but I can’t do it on my own. Because not only will it not be believable if you don’t ever reciprocate and be the woman our friends know you to be around me, but if you tense up every time I’m close to you or reach for your hand, they’re going to know that something is up.”
I swallowed hard, nerves moving through me.
Pretending there was nothing wrong between us was difficult enough. Having to touch him or needing not to react when he touched me seemed impossible.
At least, it was for me.
And it was that realization that put it all into perspective to me.
Johnny wasn’t struggling or having a tough time pretending, because that’s precisely what he was doing.
Pretending.
He’d already moved on. He’d already dealt with any lingering heartache over our situation, and he was just doing this for Zac and Talia.
By the time the wedding was over, he’d probably have us packed up and ready to drive back to Dogwood, so he could move on with his life.
It was easy to pretend if his mind wasn’t clouded with all the questions about how and why we got here.
But me?
When the time came to go home, my heart would still be stuck here, wondering how and why it all went wrong.
Looking into his eyes, it was clear he was waiting for a response. At this point, I wasn’t sure I owed him anything else. But this wasn’t about him or me.
It wasn’t about us anymore, not when we didn’t exist like that.
I’d do it for my best friend.
So, I mustered up some strength and resolve and rasped, “I’ll try harder.”
