AllFreeNovel
Share Us
As relaxing as I had thought the day was going to be, I started to think that perhaps I’d gotten ahead of myself, considering where the conversation was headed.
I wondered how I was going to manage to break the news to them that I might not be able to come and join them for a trip together like this next year or any year after that. While I wholeheartedly believed that my friends would never turn their backs on me, I didn’t expect that any of them would or should do that to Johnny, either.
There was no question they’d all still want to invite the both of us, and maybe if Johnny and I were in a different place where we could still have a mutual respect for one another as former lovers, joining them might have been a possibility. But the way things were between us right now, it just wouldn’t be possible.
That probably seemed strange, especially considering we weren’t exactly fighting with one another. In fact, it was quite the opposite between us. I couldn’t speak for Johnny; I didn’t know what his motivation was. For me, I was too sad to be angry and fighting. Whether Johnny felt the same or simply found it easier to just do what had to be done to get through this trip, I’d probably never know. But he certainly seemed to be doing a far better job at remaining unfazed than I was, which only ever brought me back to where I’d been days ago. I was left with the understanding that the man I’d fallen in love with, married, and intended to spend the rest of my life with was only doing this as one final kind thing before we divorced. He had moved on or, at the very least, he was ready to get on with the rest of his life.
“Should we do it at the same time?” Talia asked. “I know I could easily talk Zac into making it a special way for us to spend our anniversary every year. I mean, I know we’re all spending our days together now, but we could plan a trip that’s much more laidback. We wouldn’t have to have every moment planned, and we could go off with our husbands on our own to do special things alone with them.”
“Do you think they’re enjoying themselves now?” Saylor asked. “Gage seems to be going along with everything without a complaint, so I don’t want to jinx myself, but I get the feeling he’s got some thoughts about constantly having to go somewhere and do something. He’s probably thrilled to just be sitting down and fishing with the guys.”
“Simon, too,” Margot interjected. “Even still, he’s just been happy to go along with whatever is happening, so I’ve been making sure to reward him.”
All the girls let out a laugh, and in an effort not to ruin the mood, I did the same. But inside, my heart was breaking. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for my friends. I was. Truly. They all deserved the happiness they were experiencing, but I was grieving inside over all that I’d lost, all that I was in the process of losing.
“Oh, you don’t know the relief I feel hearing you all say this,” Thea shared.
Concerned, I asked, “Is something going on with you and Colt?”
She shook her head. “No. No, it’s nothing like that. We love each other so much. It’s just that, you know, with the kids, it’s tough to find the time or the energy for one another. This week has been wonderful for our marriage. It’s really given us the time to reconnect with each other, and I know Colt is thrilled, because I’ve been the one initiating a lot of the sexy times with him.”
A smile formed on my face at her explanation. I was thrilled for her and Colt. They deserved this time with one another, since they were both such wonderful parents, who put the needs of their children ahead of everything else.
But deep down, I started questioning myself.
What if?
What if I’d waited to say anything to Johnny?
What if I’d sucked it up for just a bit longer, learned about Talia and Zac’s engagement, and promised myself that if things didn’t get better by the time our friends got married, then I’d tell Johnny I wanted the divorce?
Was it possible that we could have wound up feeling like Thea and Colt did? Would I have been finding ways to seduce and reward Johnny the same way Margot was with Simon just so I could show my appreciation for all the effort he was putting in this week?
Had I jumped the gun and destroyed any possibility of us fixing what was wrong?
I’d never know.
And I couldn’t say that the thought that I might have left me feeling a tremendous amount of regret, guilt, and overwhelming fear.
“I’m so happy to hear that, Thea,” I told her. “It sounds like Margot’s idea is a great one. It’ll give everyone a chance to reconnect with their partners.”
“Some of us probably won’t need it,” Margot declared.
“Right?” Talia said. “I was just thinking that about Johnny and Kiera. We definitely want you here with us, because it’s so much fun, but I’m sure the past few days have just been another day in the life of you two, haven’t they?”
Four sets of curious eyes came my way as Saylor pressed, “How has this trip been for the two of you? Is Talia right? Do you think the rest of us are crazy or weird for not being like this with each other all the time?”
This was awful.
Awful.
The conversation had taken this horrible and unexpected turn, much like my life had, and I felt powerless to stop it. I didn’t even know how to respond.
It was very difficult to process what I was dealing with as it was, something I imagined would be tough for anyone in my position. But I felt like I was getting an extra dose of difficulty with it, because Johnny and I had chosen to keep quiet about it for the sake of our friends’ wedding. If it hadn’t been for Zac and Talia’s wedding we didn’t want to spoil, I’d have told these women what I was going through, giving them the whole truth, and leaned on them for support.
No matter how uncomfortable this was getting for me now, I couldn’t very well come out with the truth. There was no doubt in my mind that I’d wind up ruining the rest of the week for everyone. And considering they’d all just been gushing about how great the last few days had been for them, I refused to be the one to bring them down.
So, I answered honestly, even if what I said didn’t give them the whole story. “It’s not like you’re all thinking,” I started. “This has certainly been a change for us, too. We’ve seen and spoken to each other more over the last few days than we have for months at home. Work has kept the both of us pretty busy.”
