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“It smells delicious,” I said. “Thanks for ordering.”
“Of course.”
With that, the two of us sat down on the couch, our eyes fixed on the television screen, while we ate dinner together. Maybe we didn’t speak to one another, but there was no question that this was the nicest thing we’d done for one another in months.
And when I woke up tucked securely in my bed the next morning after recalling that I’d fallen asleep on the couch, I knew that Johnny had just done one more sweet thing for me by carrying me there.
It only added to the regret I felt about asking for a divorce.
FIFTEEN
Johnny
I was in the homestretch.
When I considered that notion about anything else in the world, there was no question that it left me with a good feeling.
But this was different.
Because being in the homestretch indicated that the end was approaching. And when it came to things like a work project, or a countdown to a big, happy celebration, making it to that endpoint was always a good thing.
Unfortunately, when being in this position meant that I had just days left, I couldn’t stop the fear from consuming me. Yes, fear.
I had mere hours left with Kiera. I didn’t know what I was going to do when it was time for us to leave and head back to Dogwood, where we’d ultimately start the divorce proceedings.
As each day had passed on this trip, I was finding that not only was I not prepared for it, but also that I wanted to do something to stop it from happening altogether.
That was why I had waited for her to return from the spa day with the girls yesterday. I had to start finding a way to kick things up while also being mindful of where she was with all of this. If I pushed too hard or made it seem like I had only one thing on my mind, there was no question in my mind that Kiera was going to pull away from me even more than she already had. And there wasn’t enough time to have any setbacks. Hell, there was barely enough time to try to make any actual progress in the right direction.
I hadn’t intended to ask her to have dinner with me, but when the opportunity presented itself, I had to take advantage. Fortunately, I’d managed to convince her, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was because I’d indicated we didn’t need to talk to one another. I made it all about the fact that we simply needed to eat.
While I was grateful that Kiera had accepted my invitation, I had to admit that it stung a little to know she’d actually taken me up on the not speaking to one another part of it. How had we allowed things to get this bad between us?
No, that wasn’t right.
The question was, how hadIallowed things to get this bad between us. Because Kiera had tried. She’d been telling me for months beforehand that she wasn’t happy, and I didn’t take it seriously. I took her and our relationship for granted.
Now, I was here, fearing the worst days of my life were ahead of me, and desperately wanting to stave them off.
Last night had been brutal for me. Because even if I found comfort and reassurance in having Kiera sitting on the opposite end of the couch to eat the food I’d ordered for us, there was something else lingering there for me.
When she’d fallen asleep not long after we’d gotten engrossed in a movie, I realized what it was.
I’d torn my attention away from the television, saw her sleeping there, and it hit me.
Time was running out.
I finally understood the meaning of a broken heart, because it was at that moment I felt the excruciating pain hit the center of my chest.
This woman had been my whole life for years, and soon, she wouldn’t be mine anymore. How was I going to survive without her?
I spent the better part of two hours just watching her as she slept, allowing regret and guilt to consume. I eventually picked her up and carried her to her bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave her.
At least, not right away.
I sat on the edge of the bed for another hour while she slept as the regret and guilt fled and were replaced by fear.
What was my life going to be like after this?
