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Trying to come up with answers wasn’t easy.
It wasn’t something I thought I could do in a matter of minutes.
I wasn’t sure if this would be anything that he’d want to hear, but I had to be smart for the sake of both of our hearts.
“I don’t know if reconciling is an option for us anymore, Johnny,” I confessed.
At that declaration, I saw a flicker of the light in his eyes go out. The sight of it sent a pang of guilt through me at the same time my chest squeezed painfully.
“I know I hurt you, Kiera. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to express to you just how much regret I feel for what I’ve done to bring us to this place, but I can promise you that I’d never allow us to get back here if you take a chance on trusting me again,” he croaked.
There was an overwhelming sense of urgency in his tone, like he was worried I’d made my final decision and that he needed to find a way to convince me to change my mind.
It broke my heart at the same time it worried me. Was he merely as caught up in nostalgia as I was?
“I love you, Johnny. I love you in a way I know I always will. But I don’t want to wind up hurt again, and I don’t want to make a rash decision, simply because we’re both sitting here saying all the right things to each other. It’s easy here without the demands and responsibilities of home, and I’m just thinking we need to take some time to really think about this.”
He barely let me get the words out when he placed his hand on my knee, squeezed, and said, “I’ll do whatever it takes. I know you’re worried this is all happening simply because we’re here. That’s not what this is for me. I made the decision before we even left home to try to figure out how I was going to fix this between us. That’s why I’ve been doing the things that I have. It hasn’t been for show. It’s because I love you, Kiera. I never stopped, and I don’t want to lose you.”
I didn’t want to lose him, either.
But I was terrified.
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I think I need some time.”
“So, take it,” he urged. “I’m not going anywhere. And if you decide you want to proceed with divorce, I’ve already made up my mind about what I’m going to do.”
“What’s that?”
He offered a smile, one that made my heart melt, and revealed, “I’m going to make you fall in love with me all over again, so I can propose to you and get married to you a second time. You’re my girl forever, so if that means I spend the rest of my life trying to win you back, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
There was no telling if he was being serious about what he was saying or if he was simply trying to lighten the mood. Even still, I appreciated his words and couldn’t stop myself from smiling back at him.
It was the first time I felt good about where the two of us were in more than six months now. I could only hope that I’d soon find some clarity and answers about what the next six months would bring for us.
EIGHTEEN
Kiera
I was a fool.
As I walked beside Johnny back to our villa, those were the only words that kept repeating over and over in my mind.
We’d just left Zac and Talia’s rehearsal dinner, and while I’d paid attention to all that was going on during the important bits, like the speeches, during the down moments, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what the last almost twenty-four hours had been like for Johnny and me.
While I had recalled the interaction we’d had with one another the previous night—let’s face it, I’d probably never forget that—most of my thoughts had continuously drifted to the discussion he and I had with each other earlier today while we were sitting on the beach.
How I was strong enough to tell him I needed time to think about what to do, I didn’t know. I was a fool to believe that time was going to change anything about I’d been feeling lately.
Time wouldn’t douse my burning curiosity.
I wanted what I wanted. That wasn’t going to change. Even three months ago, I still wanted what I wanted now.
What was there to think about?
Sure, Johnny and I might wind up at the same place again, but it seemed that we both still wanted what we used to have. Did we owe it to ourselves and the sanctity of our marriage and the vows we took to at least try to work it out?
We had both made mistakes, and apologies were made, even if they were six months too late.
