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I needed to clear the air, and I needed to do it now. The tension surrounding us and the rigidity in Kiera’s body told me everything I needed to know. If I didn’t explain, and do it quickly, she was going to bolt.
“The day I landed that big account, Jackie walked into my office with a bottle of champagne and two glasses,” I started, well aware of the fact that I wasn’t doing anything to dispel any of Kiera’s fears. “I thought it was a bit much, but it was a nice gesture. We’d been working hard on everything for that account for a long time, so I didn’t think a celebratory drink was that unwarranted. But then Jackie made a pass at me, offering herself up and indicating she was willing to celebrate with me in other ways. I stood there, completely stunned, for a long time, contemplating everything.”
Kiera’s bottom lip trembled. “So, you considered it?”
“Not in the way that you’re thinking,” I answered. “Mostly, I confirmed that what I had thought she was offering was what she was actually offering. She claimed she didn’t know for sure but could only assume that things weren’t good between you and me, since you stopped calling the office or stopping in on occasion. For that reason, she wanted me to know that she was proud of me and that I had a reason to celebrate.”
“Did anything happen? Did you kiss her? Touch her? Did she touch you?” she questioned me. She was speaking so fast, terror in her voice.
“Other than the congratulatory hug she’d given me when she first walked into the room that I took to mean nothing more than just that, no. She didn’t touch me, and I never touched her. I definitely did not kiss her or do anything else with her. Instead, I got angry… at you.”
“Me?”
I didn’t want to dump this on her, not when we’d reconciled less than twenty-four hours ago, but I knew I needed to tell her everything. So, I explained, “I stood there for a long time after Jackie made her proposition, and all I could think about was how long it had been since I’d touched you or had you in my bed. I thought about how you were always there to celebrate the career milestones with me. And then I thought about how you told me you wanted a divorce. And I was mad. I was mad that you’d taken that all away from me. I was furious that it had gotten to a point where someone else recognized that things had changed between us and was offering to help me relieve any stress I may have had.”
Long moments of silence passed. Kiera was growing more despondent by the second. “I could have lost you to her,” she murmured. “I asked for the divorce, you were mad at me, and I could have lost you forever.”
Releasing her hair, I took her hand in mine and squeezed. “No. Despite the anger I felt and the fact that you asked for the divorce, I was well aware of the fact that I was a married man. And I still loved you. So, I told Jackie she needed to pack up her things and never come back. Then I left work early, came home, and—”
“That was the day you yelled at me and told me that I was failing miserably at pretending to be in love with you,” she guessed correctly, cutting me off.
“Yes.”
Kiera nodded slowly, but didn’t respond verbally.
Time passed, and neither of us said a word. She was obviously emotional at having just heard all of this, and likely needed some time to process it, so I thought it would help if I gave her more.
“That was the day it all changed for me,” I told her.
“What?”
“After I finished yelling at you like an asshole and I saw you’d been crying when you closed that refrigerator door, I felt like garbage,” I confessed. “You took off upstairs, never came back down, and I wanted nothing more than to go into that guest bedroom, find out what was wrong, and apologize for what I’d done. But I didn’t. I sat on the couch, thought about everything, and realized that it wasn’t you I was truly mad at. I was angry with myself.”
For the first time since I’d started telling Kiera the story, I felt some of the tension leave her body. She began to relax, which I took as a great sign that everything was going to be okay.
“What happened that day, Kiera? Why were you home early, crying in the refrigerator?”
She swallowed hard before she replied, “The refrigerator was just my way of hiding. I had just come back from a meeting with potential clients, and I was particularly upset about how the meeting went. The clients were fine. Great, actually. But three months into us having separated, it started to hit me. I saw how in love these two were, remembered that you and I had been just like them, and it was all I could do to not break down during the meeting. I took the rest of the day off, went home early, and figured I had plenty of time to cry my eyes out. But then you came home early, so I ran into the kitchen, hoping I’d simply be able to hide my face in the refrigerator until I could sneak off upstairs without you noticing. Of course, you know what happened next. The way things were with you then, and even at the start of this trip, I assumed you had moved on. I guess I assumed that you had already had one foot out the door before I requested the divorce, so once I asked for it, there was nothing to stop you from completely cutting yourself off from me and opening your heart to someone else.”
If it wasn’t so devastating, I might have laughed at it all. At almost the exact same moment, Kiera and I both had the reality of our situation hit us. It shouldn’t have come as a shock. We had always been on the same page when it came to just about everything.
“I’m sorry for everything that has happened, baby,” I apologized. “Even if we didn’t get back here, if we couldn’t work it out, I don’t think I would have ever been able to move on from you.”
“Me, too. Nobody would have been able to compare to the Johnny I fell in love with, so I knew I’d never move on from you. And I’m sorry you were put in that position with Jackie. I never thought how me no longer showing up or calling could be perceived,” Kiera returned.
“It’s not your fault,” I insisted. “If I’d taken care of you and our marriage from the moment you made it clear things were a problem, I never would have been in that position.”
“So, you’re working less now?”
I nodded and confirmed, “I am.”
“And you want to keep it that way, or do you think you’ll go back to increasing the workload now that we’ve worked things out?” he asked.
Was she crazy?
Did she think I was going to fall right back into old habits?
“I’m keeping it that way,” I told her. “I want to make up for all that time we’ve missed out on. And I want us to go back to having quality time together with each other every day. Whether it’s time in the morning before we head into work, cuddling on the couch after dinner when we get home, or planning something special, like a weekend getaway or an extended stay somewhere. I’m not going to allow myself to be unavailable to you. My priority is us and our marriage.”
