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Twenty-Four
The funny thing about Andrew is that he finds you when you don’t want to be found, but when he doesn’t want to be found, he simply falls off the grid. Spectacularly.
I texted Andrew three times to no avail. After two hours had passed, I made my way to Catalina and Jeremiah’s place. Something told me that they would know where Andrew was. Jeremiah had opened the door as if he was expecting me.
“Why won’t he answer his texts?” I wailed to Catalina. “What the fuck could he be doing that he can’t stop for a minute to say, ‘Hey, never speak to me again’?”
Catalina put her hands on her hips as Jeremiah regarded me carefully. “Alicia, please don’t tell me that you still believe he doesn’t love you.”
I typed out another text, growing frustrated with every word. ANDREW, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???? ANSWER YOUR DAMN TEXTS.
“The proof is in his ignoring my texts. And the fact that he basically implied that he wasn’t in love with me when I asked him the other night.”
“Consider the possibility that he is in love with you and he’s just afraid.”
I snorted as I went through Andrew’s social media pages to see if he had posted anything in the last two days. “Right. Andrew, afraid of love? That’s like saying Cupid’s afraid of a bow and arrow.”
“No, really, think about it.” Cat rounded the dining room table and stood in the path of my pacing. I came up short, glaring down at her. She put her hands back on her hips and met my eyes. “Would you want to profess your undying love to a man who’s tied to another woman? And who asked you about your feelings while he was drunk off his ass?”
“I wouldn’t want to, but I would do it anyway.” I picked at the skin around my nails, tapped my hands against my thighs. “Besides, even if he does love me right now, who’s to say that he can love me forever, or enough to marry me? I don’t wanna be in a dead-end relationship, Cat. And he basically told me that he didn’t believe in a love that lasts forever.”
“So it’s either all or nothing, then?” Cat tilted her head. “It’s either ‘love me for eternity’ or ‘don’t love me at all’?” I nodded and she sighed. “Alicia, he probably said that because he was afraid. Besides, I have it on good authority that he does love you—romantically and permanently.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. And what authority is that?”
Cat grinned. “Andrew’s.”
By the time Cat finished telling me about her conversations with Andrew—which, unbeknownst to me, happened over a period of years—I was so impatient to find him that I was ready to crawl out of my skin to do it. The fact that Andrew could build a wall so high to keep out the one person who could love him the way he needed—and apparently wanted—infuriated me.
At the same time, I understood. Sometimes, the thing that seems to be the most helpful can also feel like the most hurtful.
“What day is it, anyway?”
Catalina and I looked over at Jeremiah, Cat’s body language mirroring mine. Jeremiah had been silent this whole time, choosing instead to flip between the different channels for something to watch.
“It’s the tenth,” I said finally. “Why?”
Jeremiah sat in a contemplative silence as he scrolled down the list of shows on Hulu. I could feel Catalina’s rising impatience.
“Why do you ask, babe?” Catalina prompted.
“Because Andrew might be getting ready to get on the bus. The Leroys leave tonight. And you probably already know this, but they won’t be back in town for a while.”
I turned fully to Jeremiah. “You knew where he was gonna be this whole time and didn’t say anything? What the fuck, Jeremiah.”
He shrugged, biting back a smile. “Didn’t seem like the right time to tell you.”
I groaned. “Jesus. Fine. Do you know where they’re leaving from? And what time?”
Though Jeremiah’s shrug was nonchalant, I saw a small smile play on his face, the expression of a person watching a happy ending unfold. “From your favorite park. In twenty minutes.”
They were exactly where Jeremiah said they would be.
I sighed as I recognized the outlines of several people milling about. Philip seemed intent on his mission to get everything into the bus, with Danny loping behind him. Jean Lee and Kevin, always the procrastinators of the group, were kicking a soccer ball in the parking lot, pretending to dodge each other, faking each other out. Yasmine was talking to two people in a huddle, her clipboard in one hand, and gesturing wildly with another. One of the people in their threesome, a woman, was the only one I didn’t recognize. I guessed this was the stand-in photographer who took my place with the group—and apparently, with Andrew. As I came closer, I could hear the delicate tinkle of female laughter, and I bristled as she laid a hand on his chest with more familiarity than I would’ve liked. Andrew leaned into her and was murmuring something in her ear as I came up to the group and blurted out the first thing I could think of like I had no fucking sense.
“You love me.”
All three of them stopped, looking at me with three different degrees of startled. Andrew and Yasmine exchanged glances before Yasmine muttered, “Coño.” She looked at me then at Andrew again. “We’ll be on the bus. You have ten minutes or we’re leaving without you. Come on, Sandy, let’s give them some privacy.”
