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He chewed slowly, staring at the screen as he thought. I could almost smell the smoke burning from the effort.
“I’m surprised, is all,” he said finally. “That’s not really your thing.”
“My thing?”
“Who’s the echo now?”
“Minnie.” I turned to him, a warning in my eyes. I scratched my knee then toyed with the skin around my fingernails. “Cut the enigmatic bullshit and say it straight. What do you mean it’s not my thing?”
“First of all, you’re a memory hoarder. That would never work.” As I opened my mouth to protest, he continued, “Secondly, we’ve spent countless years together now. We met in our senior year of high school. We’re almost out of college. That’s thousands of hours of memories. You could forget all that?” He looked up from his cereal. His spoon remained suspended over the bowl as he searched my eyes. I felt a shiver and a slow burn inhabit my body. I hated it when he looked at me like that.
“I would have to forget.” I could feel the waver in my voice as I swallowed. “I wouldn’t have a choice.” My face flushed with the confession, and then looking at him became too much. His eyes showed an understanding of something more, something that, at that time, I had yet to grasp.
He reached out to grab hold of my chin, tilted it toward him. I could see a question there, but I didn’t know what he was asking. What he was really asking. Finally, he sighed as his fingers moved from my chin and returned to the spoon. He considered the Lucky Charms as he spoke.
“No amount of purging could help me get over the loss of us,” he said. “I wouldn’t even bother trying.”
“So what was it like? Seeing Andrew after all these years.”
I shrugged and gave the barista my card and looked around the tiny coffee shop. “First of all, it’s only been two years.” I gave Cat a sidelong look. “Secondly, it was regular.” So regular that my heart almost jumped out of my body. “I didn’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to see him ever again. Especially after everything that happened last time.”
“Yeah? Is that why you were ogling him? Because you don’t want to see him ever again?” Catalina smirked.
I sighed.
“So are you ready to tell me something real, or are you gonna lie to my face some more?” She stirred honey into her green tea.
I picked at the skin around my nails then frowned in surprise. I haven’t done that in years. “He’s always been attractive; that hasn’t changed,” I admitted. “I like the beard on him. And he’s filled out in a not-so-bad way…”
“So you are gonna lie to my face.”
“That’s not a lie!”
“Alicia, you might as well have tried to lick him from head to toe, the way you were looking at him.”
“Catalina!”
“You pretend to be a prude, Alicia Jones, but you are not. And you may try to lie to yourself and to me about your rampant, insatiable lust for Andrew, but I’m not lying to no-damn-body. Including you.” She flicked invisible lint off her arm. “You’ve been attracted to that man since high school. You couldn’t get enough of him then, and you can’t stay away now. Not to say I blame you. Andrew says he doesn’t work out, but for someone who never hits the gym, he sure does have a nice, round, tight ass—”
“Jesus, Cat, aren’t you happily married?” My face burned even brighter. “And I’m the one supposedly lusting after Andrew?”
“Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I’m blind. Andrew is a snack. And just because you’re getting married, it doesn’t mean you have to be blind, either. Besides, you’re marrying Michael because he’s a hot piece of ass. Don’t be so uptight. And don’t try to tell me any different,” Catalina said over my protests. “Because you’re definitely not marrying him for his mind.”
“That’s not fair.” I swirled my coffee distractedly. Andrew had a mind that any nerd could get lost in. “Michael makes me feel like no other man has. He’s warmhearted, and responsible, and compassionate, and—”
“—doesn’t have an intellectual thought in his head.” Catalina rolled her eyes. “He’s one turkey short of a feast, Alicia, believe that. I don’t know how he’s getting through business school, let alone overseeing a whole-ass retail store. And he’s a fucking bro. He’s the complete opposite of you. What do you talk about with him, anyway? Other than the weather and himself.”
“He’s stable, has a good job, good family background, loves kids, will be a great father, is taller than me,” I said, using my fingers to list his attributes. “He has potential but most importantly, he’s great in the here and now. He’s everything I could want in a future husband. Unlike Andrew.”
“So you’re marrying him because he’s not Andrew.” Catalina pursed her lips. “Look, Alicia, I get it. Andrew broke your heart—”
“—here we go—”
“—and no one can compare—”
“—Cat—”
“—but this is worse than settling. This is emotional suicide. Marrying Michael will be like watching paint dry for the next fifty years of your life. How can you be okay with this?”
