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“Well, that’s kinda the guy’s fault.” Andrew traced an imaginary pattern on my arm and I shivered, unable to shake the vision of him pressed against me. My back arched slightly, and I hoped Andrew didn’t notice. “He might have tried to dissuade her a while back. He didn’t trust that she was what he was looking for. So she moved on.”
“How does she find out about all this?”
“See, it’s a funny thing,” Andrew murmured to my lips. “She can’t just find out. That would bore the reader. She has to come to that conclusion, and the readers have to see it unfold. It has to be part of their journey together. As friends, but also as something more.” When he paused, still watching my mouth as if it held a secret, heat pooled between my legs. “So while they’re off on their quest, he does some things to help her along. Because she’s kinda dense about this stuff.”
“What does he do?” I breathed. I could see my own chest in my peripheral vision, rising and falling rapidly with the quick pace of my breath. Andrew’s eyes flicked downward, made a leisurely stroll past my lips, and then up to my eyes. I braced myself against the wall.
“He seduces her, of course.”
“Of course,” I squeaked.
“I could let you read the book, if you want. So you can see what I mean.” Andrew’s face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath mingling with my own. One of his forearms bracketed my body; the other rested on my shoulder as he played with the curls around my face. I wholeheartedly wished for Andrew to develop telepathy so that he would know how much I wanted him to sink his hands in my hair and consume me. Somehow, the notebook disappeared. I didn’t know how, nor did I care. “But I have a feeling that you already know what that’s like. An unexplainable longing.” He bit his bottom lip as he whispered this in my ear. I sighed like the hussy I was. “Missed opportunities realized.”
“I don’t think I need to read the book for that,” I whispered. My mind blinked off-line, overwhelmed by Andrew, but some part of me registered that we were too close. And definitely not talking about fictional characters. And definitely in the danger zone. Despite this, doubt flooded my body, whispered in the ear that Andrew’s voice didn’t occupy. There’s no way that he feels that way about you. Especially not after all that has happened. It’s been too long, and you’re so different now.
But as I looked past Andrew’s lips, so close to mine, and looked up into his eyes, I saw it. Unbridled desire stampeded across his face, made it an open book. Like mine. His lips were so close. I closed my eyes and tilted my face up, ready to let the chips fall where they may.
“Y’all look mighty cozy back here.” Jean Lee sidled up to us with a sly grin, and I fought to move away so fast that I bumped my head on the wall. To his credit, Andrew stepped away from me much more smoothly. I scowled at him for showing so much grace.
“We’re no cozier than we usually are,” I snapped. I brushed my sweaty hands against my legs. I saw, from the corner of my eye, Andrew subtly adjust himself. Jesus. “Andrew was just—”
“Examinin’ your face to make sure everythin’ was okay?” Skepticism thickened her Louisiana drawl. “I can see why he’d wanna check. Your eyes do look a little dilated.”
Andrew chuckled as my face burned brighter. “Nothing is wrong with my face.” I straightened to my full height. “Everything is fine, thanks.”
“I bet it is,” Jean Lee said. She chuckled, too. “I bet it is.”
I stayed away from Andrew for the rest of the day. I needed time to process what happened, and being near him suddenly scrambled my brain.
And what did he mean, anyway?I thought angrily. I could let you read the book, if you want. So you can see what I mean, he had said. But I have a feeling that you already know what that’s like. An unexplainable longing. Missed opportunities realized.
I don’t want to read it, I thought. I have Michael, and he fulfills my needs just fine. And who does Andrew think he is, anyway?
When we stopped for a stretch break, the band and I clamored out of the bus, with me at the front of the pack. Anything to put some distance between me and Andrew. Fresh air will help me, I thought. Or, at the very least, it would give me the space I so desired.
I walked around, stretching my legs, before I found a clearing with picnic benches. Yasmine and Philip were sitting at one of them, away from the bathrooms and the happy sounds of Jean Lee and Kevin throwing a football. Despair and defeat wrapped itself taut around Yasmine. Her body shook with silent sobs and small gasps of air. I could see their hands interlinked on Yasmine’s lap, Philip making soothing shh noises and murmured encouragement as Yasmine tried to contain the enormity of her grief. His thumb made small circles on the back of her hand.
I looked down at my phone and pretended to check it, hoping to avoid being caught ear-hustling on such an intimate and profound moment. Despite this, I couldn’t stop myself from listening in.
“Mi amor,” Philip said, his words the tender caress of a lover. “You know you don’t have to pretend to be strong with them. They get it. They all met her.”
“But who will lead them?” She hiccuped. “I’m supposed to be the fearless leader. I’m supposed to keep everything together, verdad? What do they do if I can’t keep it together?”
“We’ve been through a lot together, including death. Remember Leroy?”
“I know but this is different. She was like a mother to me.”
“I know, mi cielo, I know.”
They were both quiet for a moment. Finally, Yasmine broke the silence.
“I wish I had been there when she died. She died alone, probably worried for all of us kids, probably praying to Padre for everyone but herself.”
“She didn’t die alone. Your sister was there with her.”
There was a brief pause in which I imagined Yasmine giving Philip a sidelong look. He chuckled. “That pendeja couldn’t function without abuela; she was probably no comfort at all.” She sighed. “I should’ve been there.”
“Yasmine, she died peacefully in her bed. They said that she didn’t feel any pain at the end, right? Isn’t that the best way to go?” His voice took on a dark timbre. “It’s definitely better than the way Leroy went, wouldn’t you say?”
