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“Cut the enigmatic bullshit, Andrew.” I finally looked at him dead-on. I could see the challenge in his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“It means,” he said, “you need to learn how to be okay with not being okay. You need to learn how to deal with uncomfortable feelings like insecurity, guilt, grief.”
“Grief? Is this about the whole Dante thing? Because I promise you, I’m fine.”
“Fine, fine, fine,” Andrew said in a singsong voice. “Ace, you’re the most not-fine person I’ve ever met. What happens when it all explodes on you?”
Stupid Andrew and his stupid introspection, I thought. If there was anything I’d learned in my friendship with him, it was that I always needed to be careful what I wished for. Andrew had a knack for delivering on things I had wished for but not spoken about. Inwardly, I gave myself a rueful smile. You wanted to talk to someone who would validate you, I thought to myself. Looks like you found it.
I finished the rest of my tea and tapped the paper cup on the table twice as I got up to pay. “I guess we’ll never find out,” I said.
* * *
Throughout the week, I could hear the echoes of Andrew’s declarations in my head. Fine, fine, fine, he said in my head. Everything’s fine. Isn’t it, Ace?
Ace, you’re the most not-fine person I’ve ever met.
You need to learn how to be okay with not being okay.
Even in my head, Andrew’s voice was irritating. And right.
Not that I had much time to think about it. Now that I was home, Mother took it upon herself to schedule meeting after meeting with all of the vendors, and even some meetings with vendors I didn’t know we had.
Finally, when I thought I couldn’t take any more meetings, Mother scheduled another one, at a location where I had never been. The road to the destination was unpaved, lined with tall trees that arched tall over the street. There weren’t any houses or even buildings within a five-mile radius. Beyond the tree-lined road, though, fields of flowers swayed in the light summer breeze. Their tiny purple, yellow, and white heads seemed to be dancing to an unheard song.
When I pulled into the driveway of the building, I noticed a massive front yard with a garden and bubbling water fountain in the center. A cobblestone path cut through the front yard, paving the way to a sprawling mansion. The building itself was an odd sight in New England. The three-story building stood tall and proud, the second story balcony held up by pillars reminiscent of the Romans. The sign over the door said simply, Rose Manor.
I pulled my car around to the front of the extravagant manor and cut the engine, watching the water dribble down the fountain and spill its way into the pool surrounding it. I lay my head onto the headrest and let my body sink into the seat for a moment. Sweet release, I thought. Sweet, sweet release.
“Alicia.” My mother’s sharp tone penetrated the glass, and she tapped her fingernails on my driver-seat window. I jumped, my keys dropping to the floor, and I hit my head on the steering wheel as I reached for them. I said a silent curse.
“Mother.” I opened the door, finally retrieving my keys. “Where are we?”
“Madam Noir’s,” she said. “Spa day.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Spa day? Mother, this is great, thank you!”
“Why do you sound so surprised?” She walked briskly toward the front door. “You’re my only living child, and this is a big event. Besides,” she added, “you’re starting to get frown lines.”
And there it is,I thought, barely containing an eye roll. Slowly, I followed Mother to the front door.
“How did you and Father meet?”
My mother’s head snapped back, surprise turning her lips down and creating those forehead wrinkles that she hated so much. The woman working on her nails stopped filing for a brief second, causing my mother’s frown to swing her way. “Why the sudden interest in our love life?”
“It’s not a sudden interest,” I mumbled, my face heating up. I hadn’t wanted to ask in the first place, but all I could hear was Andrew’s voice in my head. No holding back swears, no baby voice, no holding your tongue. Pure, unadulterated Ace. Ace was curious about her parents’ marriage, which seemed rock solid. It was entirely different from what I saw everywhere else, and I couldn’t help but wonder: how did they manage all these years?
Mother sighed, tilting her head to the side as if remembering something. Her eyes took on a slightly glassy look. “It took some time,” she said finally. “We were both pursuing our undergraduate degrees in sociology and pre-law. I was a couple of years older than him, quite the same difference in age as you and Michael.” She smiled a bit, a rarity. “He was a freshman. I was a junior.”
“Scandalous,” I said and laughed before I remembered who I was with. Luckily, Mother laughed a little, too. “So you two met in class?”
“Not exactly.” Mother blushed then, and I perked up with interest. “I was walking across the quad with my girlfriends, and he almost hit me in the head with a soccer ball.” She looked away. “He was the finest man I had ever seen, but I didn’t pursue him.”
“Why not?”
She cut her eyes at me, sharp as ever. “Women shouldn’t pursue men, Alicia. You know that.”
“Of course.” I looked down and away from Mother. “What happened then?”
