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“Within any organisation, there’s an initiation—”
For this next bit, I need to calm myself, but I don’t know how, so I push to my feet and stand. I can’t sit down and have her look at me with pity. I can’t have her face me when I tell her the rest.
I turn away, and focus on the gloves I need to get ready. I can feel Brielle move as she rises as well. Thankfully, I wasn’t looking when she pushed to her feet, or I may have been presented with a view that would have distracted me from the conversation.
“Tell me,” Brielle whispers gently from behind me.
I half expect her to touch me, to place a hand on my shoulder, but I’m thankful she doesn’t. For this, I need space.
“I was five when I was adopted,” I start as I go back in my mind.
Most of it is blurry now. There aren’t many things I willingly recall from those days. I’ve buried so many memories, but I can’t fight the ones that resurface from time to time. As much as I’d like to.
I leave the silence hanging between us for a long while. I don’t want to fill it unnecessarily. And I know that when I do tell my story, she’ll turn and run in the opposite direction.
“I wasn’t worried about my adoption because I hated living in the children’s home for many reasons that I’ll share with you at another time. I was told that the family I was going to live with was rich and influential in the town. But for me, the most important thing they could do was put clothes on my back and give me a comfortable bed to sleep in.”
There’d been so many nights in the children’s home when I prayed someone would want me. But each morning arrived, and I was still alone, still in the home. Day in and day out, couples would visit the home to adopt a kid, but no one ever chose me.
Until he walked in.
“When I first saw the man who’d come to adopt me, I thought he was the coolest person ever. Dressed in a black pinstripe suit, a button-up shirt, and shoes that shone so bright, even in the dim light of our cafeteria.”
“He was the Boss?” Brielle asks slowly, already noting where this story is going.
I nod. “Yeah,” I tell her. “He was the Boss. He was best friends with Judah’s Dad. Over the years, the Veniers and Erranis have claimed nearly half the country. The Errani family rule over the middle of Italy, and the Veniers have the South, including Sicily. Here I was, a nobody. And the Boss of the Errani family chose me.”
“So that would be Michele Errani?” Brielle asks, which has me turning to finally face her.
“It is,” I confirm. “And as much as I wish the bastard was dead, he’s still alive and well. Kicking and fighting whoever disagrees with him.”
“What happened after he adopted you?”
She’s completely and utterly immersed in my past, and as uncomfortable as it is to share my story, I realise, she needs this. For her to fully accept all of us, she’s going to need to know who we are.
The more we divulge about our pasts, the more Brielle will trust us. And even though there are still dark secrets we all keep hidden for our own mental health, the time has come for us to share what we can.
“For years, I was taught that love is a weapon, and we should wield it with strength and grace, but also, not allow the emotion to swallow us up,” I tell her.
I shake my head when I consider what I’ve done in the past. I never wanted to get into a serious relationship before because I knew I’d have to explain who I am. With Judah and Valen, they get it. They’ve been in this life as long as I have, longer even, but with Brielle coming into it now, it’s not the same thing at all.
“That’s not the way to look at life. Or at love,” Brielle says. Her surprise is clear in her tone.
Nodding slowly, I shrug before continuing, “For the first few years, I believed what I was taught. It’s something I had to do in order to survive this life. So I did. But when I was nine, it was time for me to be taken into the family, formally. Not legally. The paperwork had already been done in relation to my adoption, but now it was time for me to learn who I was going to become.”
“And you had to kill someone,” Brielle guesses as she looks at me with concern dancing in those pretty eyes.
The only other people who know about this, besides my father, are Judah and Valen. Not even Emilio or Jordan know this secret about me.
“I did,” I confirm with a nod.
This time, there is a weighted silence that hangs like a guillotine. The blade precarious as it waits to be dropped. I don’t know what she’ll make of me after this. Brielle may never want to talk to me again, and if I was being honest with myself, I wouldn’t want to either.
But there’s nothing more I want right now, than for her to look at me and tell me she’ll still care for me after what I’m about to tell her.
“He brought me into this room, where I was sat in the dim light. His men dragged a body in behind them, and I was convinced whoever it was had been killed already. I actually felt relief, but then they bound the body to a chair, and it was only when they woke her up that I realised who she was.”
Brielle’s gaze widens in surprise, her mouth pops open, and I know she’s probably figured it out. But she doesn’t say anything, she allows me to continue.
