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After a deep breath, I say, “When I looked into this woman’s eyes, I knew who she was. She didn’t even have to open her mouth.”
This time, her voice is nothing more than a soft shaky breath. “It was your birth mother.”
I want to say no, I want to shake my head and tell her she’s wrong, but I can’t, because she isn’t. That night, I changed. I turned off all those feelings that had been plaguing me for years, and I became the emotionless soldier my adopted father wanted me to be.
“And you did what was expected of you?” Brielle questions as she glances up at me.
I can tell she already fears the worst, even though hope of a happier ending to my story still glimmers in her eyes, but she doesn’t need to hold onto that useless emotion. I dispensed with it a long time ago.
“I had no choice. It was made clear that it was either me pulling the trigger or I would have to watch them torture her. Michele wanted me to learn what this life was truly like. He told me I could watch her learn her lesson for walking out on me, or I could end her pain, quickly and easily.”
“So he used your mother, who you didn’t even know was alive, as a weapon,” Brielle puts the pieces together, and when she blinks, a tear trickles down her cheek, forcing me to rush to her.
“Don’t,” I tell her as I swipe her cheek. “There’s no need to cry.” I don’t want her tears. It’s a fucked-up situation, and I hate seeing her like this. “I’m telling you about my past only because you need to know who I am.”
“And now that I do, I feel…”
“Pity?”
She shakes her head. “Sadness.”
I pull her into my arms and cocoon her from the darkness I’ve just spilled all over her sunshine. I don’t need her to ever feel sadness for me. Even though my life started out filled with violence, I’ve become stronger for it. I don’t regret anything, but I do wish I could change how people see me.
Knowing I killed my own mother to show her mercy, softened the guilt. Michele made me a soldier that day, and in some ways, I’m thankful for it.
“Is that one of the reasons you consider yourself lawless?” she whispers against my chest, and I take a step back to look her in the eye.
“Yes,” I admit. “But I’ll never kill someone who is innocent again. That was the first and last time I ever did that. Granted, she wasn’t entirely innocent, but she didn’t deserve what happened to her. She was an absent mother, not a criminal.”
Brielle nods. “I get it. But you can’t ever blame yourself for what you did.”
“Oh,” I say as the corner of my mouth tips upwards. “Trust me, darling, I don’t blame myself. It’s Michele’s doing. And he’ll get what’s coming to him soon enough.”
There are so many working parts to this, but I can’t tell her those yet, because they involve more than just me. She doesn’t know the rest of the story, and it’s best I keep it that way for now. Judah and Valen need to be present when we tell her the plan. Then we can finally move on.
I never wanted to be the Boss of the family, the clan. But I know Michele has named me the next in line, his successor. It won’t be long until I get there. And when I do, I’ll make sure his work ethic—all the rules he impressed upon us, his soldiers, are scrapped.
“Now,” I say as I look at Brielle. “We’ve had a bit of a chat about me, but there’s more I need to know about you. I’m sure Judah and Valen will also need to be there for that, so if you can wait until tonight, maybe we can all sit down together and come clean about our secrets.”
“I’d like that,” she tells me. “I never meant to keep anything from anyone. Especially you, Val, and Jude. I’ve just been taught to hide the real story about my transplant. My father didn’t want anyone to know. And he didn’t tell me who the donor was. I found out by snooping.”
“So, you are a little spy,” I tell her as I smile. Her cheeks darken with a soft pink, which makes me chuckle. “Don’t be embarrassed by it. You should be proud that your skills are so good you’re able to do it unnoticed.”
Brielle shrugs. “I just needed to know what my father had been hiding from me. I don’t like secrets, and he’s obviously got so many. I just didn’t realise how deep they truly went. And now I do…”
I wonder, if faced with the same decision, whether Brielle would be able to do what I did, all those years ago. It’s not easy to kill anyone, let alone a parent. Brielle grew up with her father, whereas I didn’t know my mother.
To me she was a stranger. Perhaps that’s what made it a easier. That moment I pulled the trigger changed me—I became closed off, but it didn’t alter the fact that I believe women should be cherished.
No woman should have a man raise his hands to her. And I will die upholding that moral code that has been instilled in me since I was far too young to understand it. None of the men I’ve grown up around consider it wrong to harm a woman. Besides Judah and Valen, of course, and I know Emilio and Jordan are of the same mindset, which is one of the reasons we’re all so close.
We may be the Lawless Princes, but that doesn’t mean we’ve broken all the rules.
“Will you be okay till tonight?” I ask Brielle.
She smiles so brightly, it makes my fucking chest tighten. I didn’t expect her to affect me like this, but without realising it, she’s dug her nails deep inside my chest.
“I will,” she tells me with a nod. “I think I’m going to finish up some of my projects that are due in a few weeks. If I can get ahead, it will help me focus.”
