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What was I supposed to tell her? That they refused to acknowledge her? That she was a mess up, and they didn’t want her? Fuck no. I did what any good mom would do; I let her know them through photographs and music, letting her sing their songs at the top of her lungs. No matter how hard it hurt at the time. I told her stories of our times together and the adventures we had as a unit. Then came the ending of our union. It’s something I’ve kept hidden from her small ears. There’s no way I can break her heart like they broke mine. So, for her sake, I keep them on a shrine for her to worship.
“But where?” Lyric’s little lip pouts as she holds up a picture of Kieran, Asher, Callum, and Rad from some red-carpet event this past weekend on her tablet. Her big eyes zone in on their fancy suits and smiles on their faces.
“Ly,” I murmur, curling a piece of her dark hair behind her ears. “Sometimes parents aren’t ready to be parents. And your daddies weren’t ready to be that just yet.” It’s all I can manage to say to my broken-hearted daughter, who will never understand the magnitude of the betrayal that sits heavy on my heart.
“Do they not like me? I’ll be better! I won’t hit cousin Rome anymore. I promise. Just call all my daddies and tell them. I be good,” she says in a hurried tone, tinted with emotions.
Her big, mismatched eyes well up with tears and spill over onto her reddening cheeks, ripping my heart from my damn chest and splintering it into a million pieces. Sometimes I think I’m doing the wrong thing by telling her where she came from. I’m leaving her with these high expectations of four daddies who can’t be with her yet. Lord knows our relationship was unconventional. But I’m thankful everyday Lyric has Kaycee, Seger, Zeppelin, Chase, and Carter to round out her yearning for her fathers.
I have to remind myself every day when the guilt slams into me that I wasn’t the one who walked away. They were. She’ll know their lives and faces like the back of her hand if I can help it. And one day, when she’s old enough to understand, I’ll explain it all to her the best I can.
“I’m sorry, Ly,” I gasp out, pulling her into my arms. Rocking her back and forth, I kiss the top of her head, holding my tears at bay. “They’ll come back when they’re ready, I promise.” And maybe I shouldn’t have promised her something so massive and life changing. I assumed one day, they’d come knocking and admit their mistakes, wanting to be present in her life. After five years, I’d given up hope for Lyric to ever know them.
“Maybe he didn’t know,” Odette, my best friend from Central City, says through the speakers of my SUV. Breaking me from my morbid thoughts. Because why cry by yourself when you can call your best friend and cry with her?
“But she-who-shall-not-be-named called them. Right in front of me, Ode,” I sigh, rubbing a hand down my face. “I watched her do it. I heard the conversation. They knew. Or, one of them knew and didn’t tell the others. Fuck. My head hurts. I’m so confused. Why is this happening right now?”
Ode snorts through the phone. “Did she? Seriously, Riv. That crazy bitch had it out for you the whole time you were with them. You have no idea what happened, girl. She could have pulled a fast one or something. The only way you’ll find out is if you ask them. And I know, I know, that’s the last conversation you want to have. I think you all need to hash this all out, once and for all, before you murder them, or Ly apparently tackles them and loves them to death.”
I snort, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Yeah, yeah. I know you’re right. I’ll talk to them at some point.”
Whenever that is. How the hell do I sit down and say,“Heya, assfaces, we need to discuss our child. And oh, why the hell did you leave so quickly?”It’s one of those scenarios I’ve envisioned many times in the shower. You know, the anxiety-filled fake conversations that happen only inside of your head as you shampoo your hair and mock fight with people. Yeah, that type of situation, and it always goes one way—them laughing at me and me punching their nuts.
“And Jesus, I can’t believe your brothers pulled that shit. Want me to kick their asses? I’m not above hopping on a plane and laying the smack down,” Ode quips, lightening the mood instantly.
“Please,” I grumble, wiping the tears from my face. “I need someone to help me dig their graves.”
“Oh, we’re hiding bodies now, babe? I’m on my way,” she snickers. “I’m always here for you, Riv. But…”
“But?” I question, leaning back in my seat with a huff.
“But I think you’re entitled to some answers. They owe you a hell of a lot of words,” she encourages. “You know I’ve never felt right after they left. Something stunk really fucking bad. And the way Gloria did you dirty with those restraining orders. I don’t know; it didn’t settle right with me.” I envision her shaking her head in disbelief and running her fingers through her wild curls.
Longing hits me square in the chest. Years ago, I could walk to Ode’s apartment to visit with her, Leon, and their mom, Korrine. Now, she’s halfway across the country running my former bar, Dead End, with Leon and raising a family with her boyfriend Ricky.
“I miss you,” I confess with a groan.
“Miss you, too. We need to vacation, or hell, you could come home. Mama is…” She sucks in a breath, stopping her emotions.
“Worse?” I whisper, feeling my heart sink.
“The chemo is kicking her ass. You know Mama, though, she’s fighting tooth and nail,” she says in a soft voice. “She misses you, too, Riv. Say you’ll come home soon?”
“Yeah. I think I will soon.” No matter what, my chosen family has always come first. Korrine helped to raise me. Ode was my sister. And Leon was my annoying brother. They’ve always shown up for me. So, I do the same for them. They were my damn rock when Ly was brewing. They helped me with everything I could have needed. And the moment I came into the money my father left me, I took care of them right back.
Now I’m stuck helping the guys get their dream back on track. The same dream that left me and my growing belly behind in another state. What does our future hold? Will we butt heads the entire time they’re under my orders or will they get over themselves and forge ahead?
Ode is right, though; they owe me some answers, and I’m going to get them one way or another. I deserve that after so long. First, I have to get through this first meeting with them at the house and not stomp their balls with my heels.
“Now tits up, bitch. Go show those boys who is really in charge. Show them no mercy!” she says through a chuckle, making me smile.
“Fuck, Ode. I have to face them again,” I groan, leaning my head back into the chair.
“How long?” she asks.
“Maybe an hour until they get here with all their shit.”
“Good! Now, push your tits out and put on your best outfit and heels. Demand the damn room. Show them what they walked out on, babe.”
