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Van somehow snuck his way onto my property, putting his fingers in situations he shouldn’t have. He tortured Ly for months with his constant tapping on the windows. Mine too. He watched us through the cameras. Probably every fucking day. I shiver, pushing the thoughts of what he did with those videos out of my mind. I have no doubt; he was a very sick man.
I don’t know if I can ever live here again without feeling his eyes on me. Or his hand on my mouth. Or his body pressed against mine as he held me captive.
I take a deep breath, grounding myself. I’m free. I can do this. Totally can do this without any help. Fuck.
Looking over my shoulder again, I peek at the band house, which seems eerily quiet from here. Maybe Rad could come over and help? He’d hold my hand and—
No. I can’t. I need to face this head-on so I can continue living my life. Van can’t dictate my life anymore. I’m done letting him take up space in my brain. He can’t scare me anymore.
With trembling hands, I unlock the door and step into the house. I nearly piss myself when the alarm begins to beep at a steady pace, echoing on the walls. Holy shit! My heart nearly leaps out of my damn chest and takes a walk.
Right. Carter added new security for me after dismantling Van’s.
After inputting the code and turning it off, I freeze in the living room. My eyes dart around, taking in my familiar surroundings. My home. The place I built as our paradise. I take a deep, calming breath and shake the eerie feeling pushing down on my shoulders.
The feeling of ants marching across my skin starting at my toes makes my skin crawl. It feels odd standing here by myself. My home closes in on me. The walls caving in. I squeeze my eyes shut.
Maybe I should have brought them over. Then I wouldn’t feel so alone.
My guys appease me by letting me bed-hop in the middle of the night. Never protesting when I crawl in with one and then leave when I can’t get comfortable. Or fall asleep. That’s been the hardest part of coping. Every time I close my eyes, his voice rings in my head, and his face appears with that menacing grin.
They know something is wrong, but I just want to go back to normal.
Whatever that is.
I rub a hand up and down my arm, attempting to soothe the swirling nerves taking me over as I walk through the silent house. Nothing has changed. It’s all the same as I left it the day we left for Lyric’s birthday party.
A deep sigh rocks through me when I plop onto Ly’s bed and grab the white bunny she’s been asking for. I was too afraid to come here alone and grab it. Just that simple action threw me into a tailspin of panic. And I’m way too hardheaded to admit to the guys that I needed them to help me.
My fingers swipe over the beady little eyes of her white bunny as I contemplate our future. Ly’s and mine. Plus, the guys. They’re going to graduate from my program with flying colors in a few months. Meaning they’re going to leave us again. For months on end. We may still be in a relationship, but they won’t physically be here. I know we’ll have video chats and text messages. But it won’t be the same. I need to be in their arms. And I guess that’s what terrifies me. I’ve fallen down the same deep, dark hole of commitment with them. Last time, they left town without saying goodbye. This time… I don’t know. I believe them when they say they’re all in, but that nagging voice in the back of my head that’s been burned before fucks with me.
I also won’t be the person to rip their passion away from them with ultimatums. Rocking out on stage is their fucking dream, something they’ve wished for since they started in high school.
I also can’t do that to myself. Sure, I could go on the road with them and bring Ly. But what kind of life would that be? Becoming a band manager has always been my dream. I shine here and finally feel like I’m doing some good. I thought I’d never achieve it. Not from Central City.
Here I am, doing what I wanted to do. Same goes for them. This has always been something they’ve wanted. They talked about it from the moment I met them.
We all got out of Central City. Now, I’m afraid of where it’s going to lead.
Closing my eyes, I finally settle all the shit going haywire inside me. From the fear of the future to the fear of sitting in my house, I blow it all out. We’ll deal with that when the time comes. Maybe we’ll strengthen what we have further, and it won’t be a problem.
Everything is okay. It will all be fine.
Except…
My head snaps up when what sounds like a dump truck makes its way up the driveway. Gears shift, brakes squeak, and its engine groans when it comes to a complete stop, idling loudly. Low murmurs sound outside as doors slam.
What the fuck? No one else should be here. Unless my new guard let them through.
Clutching Ly’s bunny, I rush out of her room and into the kitchen. My heart sputters in my chest at the memories of watching Break leave the band house months ago, listening as their moving trucks pulled into the driveway.
And as I stand in my kitchen, the same spot I was in before, and peek out the window, it’s happening all over again.
Moving trucks sit in front of the band house, with twenty or so movers walking straight into the house and grabbing items.
I scramble to grab my phone. There has to be an explanation for this. There’s no way they…no. They’re practicing. Right?
I bring the screen in front of my eyes, and a call with Seger’s name on it is coming through.
