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Fuck. My gut churns, praying the constant loop of my nightmare rolling around in my brain will leave me for good. Sometimes I wonder if this is how Callum feels, reliving everything in vivid detail with his photographic memory. Sinking further into the darkness of my wicked mind, the memories of the only girl I’ve thought about since the moment I put my stupid-as-hell plan into motion comes back to haunt me, seizing the breath in my lungs.
“She’s been cheating on us,” I growl, tossing down my phone as the video on my screen plays at full volume, filling the room with her illicit hook-up with Donavan Drake, the thorn in our side—but my secret ally.
The lie rests like sour milk on my tongue, begging me to break free and tell the truth. I suck in a breath. Am I doing the right thing for us? Am I doing the right thing for River? Would she be better off without us? Probably. We’ll do nothing but drag her down into our brand of fucked up bullshit if we stay. But this? Is this too much? Taking it too fucking far?
Quickly, I avert my eyes at the image of River climbing on Van’s lap and his low voice murmuring dirty words. Or it would be dirty words. God, he fucking sucks at everything he does. I fucking hate his face. My only hope is we never have to see his stupid ass again. From here on out, River is only his and… My eyes squeeze shut as Callum cries out in anguish. My heart fucking breaks as they grasp what I’ve laid down in front of them.
“No-no!” Callum sobs out, jumping to his shaky feet, nearly falling over. Fat tears well in his eyes, and he shakes his head, gripping the ends of his hair tightly in his fist. “That-that can’t be true! That can’t be her,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “That…” he trails off, covering his mouth with his fist, trying to hold back the rampant emotions surging inside of him.
“I’ve tried to tell you. Something was off,” I say, running a hand down my face like I’m exasperated with the entire situation. “That’s why we needed to stay away.” I swallow the lie over and over. If I do, maybe they’ll plant themselves inside my brain and sprout like it’s the truth. Then, I might believe the words coming from my mouth.
“No,” Callum says with conviction, shaking his head. “That can’t be true. She’d never do that to me…or us,” he whispers, letting the tears fall down his pale cheeks. Callum shoves past me, bumping my shoulder angrily with his, pacing near the front door of the home we’ve all made our own. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab my phone, mentally fighting with myself on the rights and wrongs of this entire scene.
I have to do this. We have to go to the Battle of the Bands without her. If she comes, they’ll never get over her and move on with their dreams. If she can’t go, then we’ll never have the opportunity to leave this town. We’ll live in this hellhole for the rest of our lives, wondering what our future would have been like if we had gone to California. And I can’t let that happen to them. This is all for their own fucking good. In five years, they’ll thank me for the sacrifice I made for them.
With my mental pep talk fizzling out into reason, I turn my back on my friends, as I’ve already done. I type out a single message to my stupid fucking ally and hit send. There’s no going back now. Even as an elephant sits on my chest and compresses my breaths. Sweat forms on my brow when I return to the anger-filled conversation happening around me.
Me
Go.
He doesn’t utter a word back, but I know he’s seen it and is all too eager to get to the girl he’s obsessively had his eyes on like a fucking stalker. Heavy iron sits in the pits of my stomach as I continue to tune out the mess I’ve created. My brows furrow as it all smacks me in the face at once. Van is a fucking stalker. We’ve had to fight him off her in more ways than one. And yet, I’ve fed the lamb to the mighty lion. Just like that. Gloria’s words about talking to him come back to mind. How the hell did she know what kind of videos he had? Burning bile singes up my esophagus, begging to expel through my tightly held lips.
What the fuck have I done? I’m doing what’s right. Shut the fuck up, mind! I’m putting this whole thing into motion. Fuck the consequences. Fuck everything else! We need this. This is our time to shine, and we can’t let some Central City girl hold us back any longer.
“Where are you going?” Rad rasps, interrupting the guilty thoughts rushing through my mind and dragging me back to the conversation at hand. Holding back his emotions as he stands, Rad blankly stares, giving nothing away.
“To see for myself,” Callum growls, clenching his fists. “You can’t just believe some video. He could…could be fucking her over. Again.” With those parting words, Callum shoves out the front door with a bang. The rumble of his car fills the air, followed by screeching tires, and then he’s gone.
It’s not him fucking her over—it’s me. I’m the one doing this to us. But it’s for the damn best. It’s for the damn best! My chest heaves.
If I don’t get them away from her, then we’ll never leave. I’ll be stuck with Nigel and his fists for the rest of my life. Our dreams won’t mean anything if I’m six feet deep at the hands of my father. And I can’t let that fucking happen. This is for the best. For all of us. We’ll be happier in a few years. And I’ll be fucking free.
“I can’t believe it,” Kieran says with a stunned expression, running a hand down his face. “This is fucking unbelievable.” His face pinches when he looks up at me for confirmation, and I nod. “But fucking why? I don’t understand why she’d go back to him so easily. There’s no way, man. She wouldn’t go back to him like that. There has to be something going on that we don’t know. Maybe he’s blackmailing her,” he grunts again, pulling at his hair. “I should go with Callum. I should…” He shakes his head, pacing the small living room with a pinched face.
“Fuck,” I grunt in false anger. “How’d we let it get this fucking far? Huh? This was supposed to be simple! We weren’t supposed to actually fall for her. How could you assholes let this happen? See what she did! I’ve been telling you for weeks that River has been up to something when she lets Van come into the record store. There’s more to their relationship than she lets on,” I growl, trying to weave more lies into the equation. Truth is, I’ve been doing this for the past few days, trying to implant false information into their brains. So, when it came time for this whole thing to go off, it’d be easier to make them believe.
“This was all your fucking idea!” Kieran shouts unexpectedly, with harsh emotions warring on his face. He’s torn between not wanting to believe what I’ve laid out and firmly believing what I’ve shown him. And the latter is obviously winning when, within three steps, he’s in my face and fisting my T-shirt. Kieran teeters on the edge of being a loose cannon and is minutes away from slamming his fist into my face. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it won’t be the last. When they find out what I’ve done, they’ll kill me. “You made us… I’m going to fucking murder Van for this.”
“I didn’t make you do shit,” I grunt, pressing my nose against his. “You all fucking agreed to this plan. Remember what we did it for? We wanted her for West Records and look at what we have now.”
“But we didn’t need her,” Rad whispers, running his hand through his mullet. “We just…”
He fell in love; that’s what he did. Head over heels with his ass in the air, his heart in his hand, and blood on his sleeves. They fucking love her, and I’m…fucking destroying them. I’m dismantling their love for her brick by brick; they never saw it coming. Day by day, since we’ve separated from her, I’ve been planting things in their heads. Hint by hint, I’ve been forcing them to conclude that this is what she did to us—betrayed us in the worst possible way. And this video? This is the nail in the coffin for our relationship.
No matter how badly I want to pull back and prevent this from happening, I can’t stop myself. It’s a necessary evil in my plan for our future. One day, when this comes out, I hope they can all forgive me for what I’ve taken away from the five of us. I’ll get on my knees and fucking beg for their forgiveness. But for now, I must keep pushing through before it’s too late. We have one week to get to California for the competition, and I need their heads in the game. Not on her. Not on their hopeless love. Us—the band—Whispered Words.
“And see where it got us?” I snark, knowing the quicker we move on, the faster we can get out of here and never have to think about this godforsaken town again. Goodbye Gloria, Goodbye fucking Nigel. And Goodbye River—may your life be what you always wanted it to be.
My chest squeezes when Kieran’s expression falls, hurt lining every inch of him. “I just don’t fucking understand, man,” he growls, squeezing his eyes shut. “I need to fucking see for myself. I need to fucking talk to her and square this away. This can’t be the fucking end.” His fingers squeeze into fists, glaring at the front door.
Rad plops down onto the couch again, gripping the roots of his hair, muttering words I can’t understand. “She wouldn’t go back to Van,” he says, scrunching his crumpled face and shaking his head with disbelief. “She wanted nothing to do with him. He’s a stalker. Why the hell would she sleep with him behind our backs?” he asks, trying to rationalize the situation. “I’m with Cal. We need to talk to her and figure this out. There’s something so fishy about this. We need…”
“It’s all true,” Callum says through heavy breaths, shuffling in through the front door. Deep, soul-crushing despair paints his long expression with tears staining his reddened cheeks, and his gray eyes darken in anguish.
“What’s true?” Rad asks, lifting his head to meet Callum’s eyes.
“Van was there,” Callum mumbles through quivering lips. “He fucking kissed her. Before I left, I saw it. I…I saw it. They were there together. He brought her dinner, and then they fucking kissed. I couldn’t-couldn’t stay after he leaned in. How could she?” he gasps out, clutching his chest as mine tightens, feeling his misery from where I stand. Reaching into the depths of his pocket, he pulls out his phone, displaying one picture of Van shoving his tongue down River’s throat.
