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My eyes bug out as I flip through the pictures. Page by page, River has organized everything into neat little sections. From her first birthday to her forth. And every holiday in between. Glorious snapshots of Lyric as a baby, learning to crawl and taking her first bites of ravioli. Her red-stained face smiles up at the camera from her highchair with the remnants of her meal squished before her. Mischief lives in those mismatched eyes—much like now.
Without the perseverance to hold them back any longer, I unleash my emotions. Tears stream down my cheeks. Embarrassing sobs choke my throat. Fuck. I’m a goddamn mess at the sight of my baby girl, who grew up without me. I cry from the anger of missing out, for walking away, and for everything in between. I let it out into the world, letting River see and feel how fucking sorry and fucked up I am over this.
“She was a good baby,” River murmurs, turning the page and running her manicured finger over a picture of Lyric’s toothless grin, staring up at the camera with cake all over her face. “That was her first birthday. It was our first month in this house.” Her eyes dart around the living room, stopping near the entrance of the open-concept kitchen.
“And I missed it all. Fuck,” I heave a breath, losing my grip as the photo album thunks to the ground. “River,” I breathe, turning to her as she tilts her head, not giving me an ounce of emotion.
She’s a goddamn wall of nothing, staring at me and refusing to open up. One day I’ll peel back those layers of forgiveness. But for now, I know I have my work cut out for me. We all do.
“I truly am sorry you missed it all, Cal. She would have loved for you to be here this whole time. But the important part is, you’re here now. Make the most of it while you can.”
I nod, wiping away the remnants of my emotions off my cheeks. “I will,” I proclaim, holding her gaze with mine. God, I could get lost in the depths of her eyes and swim in her damn soul. “For you, too,” I whisper, drifting a finger across her silken cheek.
The warmth of her skin sends goosebumps pimple down my arms. Tiny hairs stand on end. Electricity runs between us in an undeniable force, pulling me into her. My lips tingle, begging to kiss the last pair I ever touched with my own.
“Words don’t mean much, Little Star. Not with you. I could look you in the eyes and promise you a million and one things. But they’re just words—-empty promises. From here on out, I will prove who I am and what you mean to me. We may have had time apart, but we’re grown up now. No longer the kids running around Central City. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Some for the worst. Some for the better,” I whisper, rubbing my thumb against her cheek. Her brows wrinkle as she takes in my words, but I’m not done yet. “I deeply apologize for walking away from you. The moment I saw Van kiss you, I should have known better. Asher had just dismantled my entire world with those fake videos, and then when I saw what I did, I ran without even questioning it. That’s on me. I was an idiot…probably still am. Every day and night, I’ll show up here and be present. That’s my promise to you, Little Star. Because the way I see it now, you’re my whole damn galaxy, and I can’t stand to be away from you and her any longer.”
River shudders as I breathlessly finish my speech, getting lost in her presence. Clarity has completely taken hold. I was an idiot for ever thinking River would turn her back on us. River was better than that—still is. I’m not fucking worthy of her.
River sniffles, slightly leaning into my hand. “She’s going to want you to stop doing that,” she whispers, running the tip of her finger over the bruises on my face. “She thought you were hurt, and it upset her. She will know something is wrong if you keep showing up with those bruises.” She licks her lips before dropping her hand. My body misses her touch when she steps away from my hand.
“Okay,” I agree, nodding. “I won’t fight anymore.” Music will be what I live and breathe from this moment forward. I’ll pour my damn soul straight into my bass. For them.
“Why did you?” she blurts before she can stop herself, widening her eyes. “It just…doesn’t seem like you, Callum. You were so peaceful and quiet.” Still am. Only around you, though.
I shrug. “It was better than the drugs,” I whisper through a crack in my voice. “Truth?” She nods, eager to hear my response. “It was the only thing that could knock the joyous memories of you out of my head. For just a second, I wasn’t drowning in my misery. I—” I blow out a breath, preparing myself for the conversation ahead of me. “I loved you a lot, Little Star. So much so that I didn’t realize how I truly felt until you were gone. But I failed you in so many ways. Will you take this healing journey with me?” I ask, licking my lips. “I want to mend us.”
“And what if I… I can’t?” she questions, taking another step back. “You did fail me…you all did. You walked away from us. What would have happened if I hadn’t made it here? Would I still be in Central City with Ly alone?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I want to heal, too,” she finally whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. “But just give me time, okay? Be present. And I’ll—”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I mutter, stepping forward and taking her into my arms. Stiffly, she rests her forehead against my chest as I soak in her presence. “One day at a time, Little Star. Okay?”
“One day at a time,” she whispers with confirmation, and I know that’s as good as it’s going to get right now. River isn’t mine or ours. Not yet. But we’ll get there. I know we’ll all prove to her that we’re serious about this.
My eyes fall shut when the warmth of her fingers glides over my bare chest with curiosity. She doesn’t step out of my arms, which I’m thankful for. I want to revel in her body heat for a moment longer until we’re pulled apart.
“These weren’t here before,” she barely whispers, tracing the shapes repeatedly.
“They weren’t.”
Lifting her head, her red-rimmed eyes lock on mine. “They’re over your heart, Cal.”
I lick my lips. “That they are.” My breaths pass over her face, traveling down her neck. The persistent urge to hold her tongue hostage with mine gnaws at my brain. Not the right time, damnit.
“You got neon stars over your heart,” she whispers with an edge, emotions creeping in and ruffling her hardened, emotionless exterior.
I see you, Little Star.
“Truth?” She nods, eagerly awaiting my answer. “I may have wanted to erase the memories from my mind, but there was one place I felt whole.” Without a thought, my fingers capture hers over my heart and rest them there. “It was with you, under the neon stars illuminating your bedroom as we lay together, hidden away in your space.”
“Oh, Cal,” she murmurs, choking out my name like a sin. Her fist clutches near her mouth when she takes a step away from me, refusing herself the comfort of my arms.
Fuck.
“Just remember, I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, stepping up to her again and invading her space. “Ever again. If there’s one promise you should take to heart. It’s this one.”
The old Callum would cower away from her—hide his face from the world. But the new Callum craves her with every ounce of his being like a damn drug or fighting. My body jolts when a little person stares at us from a few feet away, sleepily rubbing at her eyes. Deep blue star pajamas line her frame. Long dark strands of wet hair drip on the hardwood as she eyes the two of us with suspicion.
“Daddy, will you read to me now?” Lyric yawns, stretching her tiny arms above her head.
