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And it’s all my fault.
They weren’t the only ones who fell for River’s whims and free spirit—I did too. I held off for so long, the fear of getting close holding me back. Once I got my hooks in her, it was hard to release her from my grasp. It tore me apart to run to Van Drake. It still tears me apart that I climbed into that vehicle and planned the ultimate betrayal against her with a damn predator. But I did what I did because I thought it was what was best for the band. For what I thought was for our own good. Selfishly, I erased her from existence and ran away like a pussy.
“Fuck,” I mumble, digging my palms into my eyelids, pushing away the pain of my past.
Silent, pent-up tears stream down my face at the reality of it all. In a few hours, the four of us will be locked in a house together for six months. I’ve held this secret for way too long, and it’s time I come clean. And maybe we can get back to the people we were before I ruined everything. It’s like fate came and slapped me on the head. And…
“You’re crying,” says a little voice from in front of me, getting a front-row seat to my breakdown.
Sucking in a breath, my whole-body jolts, and I’m knocked out of my spiral. My gaze snaps forward, locking on a little girl standing before me. Her tiny dark brows furrow, and a frown pulls at her lips. Discreetly, I wipe away the tears streaming down my cheek and shake my head. Looking up and down the long, empty hallways, a lone thought filters through my mind. Where the hell are her parents?
I swallow hard when she gasps, looking me up and down. A tiny smile lights up her little face, and she taps my shoulder, gently squeezing in a comforting manner. “It’ll be okay, Daddy.” She pats me again and leans her tiny head on my shoulder with a dramatic sigh. “No tears,” she coos, gently squeezing again, sighing contentedly on my shoulder.
I lick my lips, sitting rigidly beneath her grasp. “Uh, kid,” I say, clearing my throat and feeling an odd heat billowing up my neck. She has to be wrong. There’s no way I could be anyone’s daddy. I haven’t touched a woman since… River. That night at the castle house on the lake was the last night I ever sunk my dick into someone.
“I’m not…” I swallow my tongue when she raises her head, looking directly into my eyes. She smiles again, taking in my face as I take in hers. My breath leaves, and confusion swirls in my mind at the familiarity. It’s like looking at a small River with darker hair and… “Your eyes,” I mumble, unable to look away from the blue, mismatched eyes much like…like… Kieran’s. They’re so damn rare to have; I’ve only ever seen one person with them.
Long, dark hair hangs over her shoulders, nearly down to the middle of her back, her mismatched eyes take me in, and her cherub face fills with light and love. Gently, she clings to a small white rabbit held against her chest.
“Bunny makes me feel better when I’m sad. Here,” she says, thrusting the tiny stuffed animal into my hand. “Now you’ll be okay,” she says with truth behind her words.
I scrunch my brows, staring down at the poor ripped rabbit, filled with light food stains and a ripped ear.
“Aunt Ode gave her to me,” she says, fiddling with the little ribbon secured around the intact ear. “She came out to see me. Do you know her, Daddy?”
I’m completely frozen, staring at this child. I shake my head, lifting a hand to touch her cheek almost out of instinct when a piece of her hair falls in front of her face. It’s odd to look into the eyes of a stranger and find comfort in the loving gaze she sends me. Like she knows me somehow. Like I should know her.
“What’s your name?” I ask cautiously, removing the piece of hair from her face. Her expression crumples from the beautiful smile she once held, and her brows furrow.
“You don’t know my name?” she whispers in a heartbroken tone, pulling at my heartstrings.
“I’m sorry, kiddo,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Where are your parents? Are they around here somewhere?”
She sucks in a breath, heavily fidgeting with her bunny until she snatches it out of my hand. “It’s okay,” she whispers. “Mommy said…”
“Lyric!” I drop my hand the moment a frantic voice echoes from down the hall. I swallow hard as River comes hauling ass in our direction with determination taking over her expression. And then she stops right beside us, silently shaking her head. Every ounce of color drains from her face when she sees my tear-stained face standing so close to…
“You,” I whisper, furrowing my brows, watching intently as she collapses to her knees and pulls the little girl away, shaking her head frantically.
“Lyric, I’ve told you before. You can’t go wandering off on your own, okay? Even here.” River’s voice evens out into a soothing one, something my mother used to coo at me when she tucked me in at night and told me she loved me.
“I love you so much, my Asher,” my mother’s soothing voice echoes in my mind. Her hazel eyes stare down at me filled with so much love, I beg her to lie beside me. “Just for tonight,” she murmurs, kissing my hair as her warm arms envelop me in a hug. “Stay my little Asher Bear forever,” she whispers one last time before my eyes flutter shut, and my chest feels whole.
“Mommy,” she whines, pointing a finger in my direction and making my body lock up. Lyric’s lip puffs out in a pout with puppy dog eyes that could give Rad a run for his money. “He doesn’t know my name,” she says with more sadness, breaking my fucking heart. “It’s Lyric,” she says through a pout, eyes threatening to spill tiny teardrops.
“I know,” River soothes, side-eyeing me with apprehension, but shakes me off. “Aunt Kaycee is waiting for you,” she says in her mom voice again, successfully steering the conversation away from her child and me.
Her fucking child. Jesus. My heart gallops so damn fast in my chest that I swear it’s going to finally take the leap and kill me. River has a kid. When the hell did that happen? Fuck. I run a hand through my hair, gripping the roots. She has a kid who has mismatched eyes and…
Every ounce of oxygen expels from my lungs. The entire world tilts on its axis and stops turning. Little pieces click together without her having to say a word. I snap my gaze to River, who swallows hard in my presence and silently shakes her head. Long gone is the woman who confidently walked into the conference room with her head held high. In her place is a woman scared shitless that I’m here in front of her daughter.
“And Maggie!” Lyric squeals with excitement, tightening her tiny fists, seeming to forget my mistake.
“And Maggie,” River confirms, shaking off my presence and taking the little girl’s hand in hers. With one last look in my direction, River drags the girl away from me with worry lining her face.
“Bye, Daddy,” Lyric says, waving with her bunny in her hand and a bright smile on her face, reminding me so much of the woman holding onto her for dear life.
“Bye, Lyric,” I rasp, waving back as a multitude of emotions roar through my body.
