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“Sometimes I feel so small in front of Matty,” Rob murmurs, shifting his position to give me more room, apparently.
“I’m good,” I say when he’s about to shift again.
On hearing that, instead of moving away, he nudges himself closer to me. “That okay?”
Splendid.
He goes on. “I don’t know how to deal with his emotions, and mine. Can’t call myself a man now, can I?”
“Emotions are strange. No matter how long you’ve lived, how much you’ve learned, how much you’ve experienced, there are times when you just don’t know. There’s always something that makes us inadequate. It doesn’t make you less of a man.”
“You really mean that? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?”
“Both.”
Rob tightens his grip on me, and then he gently rubs my shoulder. “Thanks for talking to him in the workshop. He has had a hard time with his psychotherapy. He listened to you, and look at him now. He was so happy tonight.”
I simply tried to share my own experience, in the smallest, simplest way. “Everything has a way of working out, despite our inadequacy.”
“So true.” He looks up at the chandelier above us.
“You’re not convinced?”
He takes a deep breath, and then gives me a light peck on my crown. “Good night, Amber-Rose”
We settle into each other’s embrace. While Rob’s head is lying on a pillow, I finally have a chance to test his shoulders. I might regret this move tomorrow, but there’s no reason I should move away from this.
For now.
Sleep doesn’t come despite my exhaustion and the comforting warmth seeping out of my companion’s skin. If this was me five years ago, I would’ve fucked him till the crack of dawn, till I was numb from too much friction. But I’m Amber-Rose now, a heart mender. The tug-of-war inside me is subsiding. My respect and admiration for this man has tamed the sexual attraction I have for him.
There is a hill of emotions behind his closed lids. Those emotions, despite what he said earlier, might not have anything to do with Matty. There’s a bigger picture––Rob’s picture––and it’s for us to talk about another day, if we get there. My heart says we will, but my head poses a question:Am I the one who should have that conversation?Rob is a deep ocean. If I’m going to dive into it, I’ll have to give my all, or I’ll drown. Right now, I’m only dipping my toes in.
12
AMBER
“We meet again, Miss Cannizzaro,” Wyatt greets me. “Are you good to go?”
I have one foot on the step ladder, but Rob’s hand stops me. “Thank you for last night.” He boxes me in with his arms, as if he’ll never see me again.
A corner of my heart whispers to me that I should stay, but with my feelings still unresolved, I’m not ready to follow the whisper just yet. “Take care, Rob.”
His hands slowly let me go as he turns to Wyatt. “Take good care of her.”
“I will, Mr. Hartley.”
I wave at Rob from my seat, the same seat I always take. He simply nods, hands in his pocket. As the chopper gains height and Rob becomes smaller and smaller, I feel my heart flatten, as if it’s being pressed under a rolling pin. It’s getting thinner as I start losing sight of the man who held me in his arms all night, whose chest I breathed into.
My eyes survey his estate. It’s green, it’s expansive, and the mansion stands proudly in the middle. But that doesn’t mean a thing. All I want is to catch a glimpse of Rob—even just for a second.
Why didn’t I kiss him last night? It didn’t feel right then, but right now my lips are burning with desire—and anger.You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
“He’s a good man, Mr. Hartley,” the pilot remarks. I’m sure he’s been observing me.
“How long have you known Rob?”
“I’ve been flying for Hartley Marine for three years, but I’ve known him since our Navy days. Did he tell you he was a SEAL?”
