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My feelings had changed weeks ago. He invaded my mind in every quiet moment. The more time went by, the more I believed we belonged together. The universe didn’t want us to miss out on this precious thing so few got to experience. I wished it had set us on an intertwined path instead of a diverging one. We were a perfect example of the right person at the wrong time.
My chest filled with ice, and I couldn’t help the tears that escaped. This would rip my heart out, and there was nothing I could do about it.
The hard truth was we both looked at each other, wanting to be a little selfish. Wanting to ask the other to sacrifice for the other but never crossing that line. If that wasn’t proof of how we felt about each other, I didn’t know what was. Knowing that he felt the same didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t change what was coming, no matter how much I wished it did.
Why did I have to fall for him? Because that was what happened. I skirted right on the line. But he kept showing me all the ways he was different, special, and, honestly, kind of magical. My brain tried to say I had this under control, but the aching crack through my heart, whenever I thought past graduation, hadliarwritten all over it.
Me: What are you up to?
I’d been staring at my phone for the last few minutes, waiting for a response. My fingers ran through my hair and pulled at the root. With a groan, I put my phone down on my nightstand.Get a hold of yourself.
I tossed my legs over the side of the bed, sitting up, and took a deep breath in, out, in, out. With every breath, the ache hurt more. When I felt like saying screw it and wanting to make all kinds of compromises to be with Jax, I reminded myself that this was how I’d feel most of the time.Alone.
There was a hard knock on the front door. Startled, I jumped to my feet, jogged to the door, and peeked through the peephole. I couldn’t help the wide smile that stretched my mouth.
“Let me in, Sid. I can hear you there ogling me.”
The laugh I let out released all the tension with it. Opening the door, I leaned against the jamb and took him in. He was in his standard gray sweats, of course, and a dark blue Henley.His cap was tipped forward, covering his eyes, but his mouth had my attention. It dropped open, and his tongue licked his top teeth as his mouth formed a sexy smile. He met my eyes, heat gleaming in his.
“Damn, babe, you should greet me like this every time.” He reached out and played with the hem of my sleep shorts. I could feel my face redden, realizing I was wearing my skimpiest shorts and a thin T-shirt. Jax nuzzled my neck and ran his nose up the side of my face with his warm breath, leaving a fiery trail behind it. He stepped back and smiled at my disgruntled protest. He held up a bag I’d been too distracted to notice. “I brought dessert.”
My mouth wobbled, but I smiled. “You’re an absolute saint.”
His brows pinched with concern, and his free hand reached up to my jaw. “What happened?”
“Nothing that matters now. Whatcha bring me?” I rubbed my hands together in excitement and pushed away all the achy feelings of earlier. I would have plenty of time for those later.
Jax took out two chocolate explosion cheesecakes and placed them on the coffee table, along with cutlery and napkins. My mouth fell open. “How did you know?” They were my favorite as a kid, but I hadn’t had one in years.
“Lucky guess.” His smirk was hiding something.Mia.She must have been texting him. Sneaky bitch. He’d brought me cheesecake, so I couldn’t complain. We sat on the couch, flipping on the TV while we mindlessly ate our dessert. Mouth filling with chocolate goodness, I sighed happily. I was wallowing in my loneliness, harping that being with him meant always being alone, only to have him show up with my favorite dessert, no less. I watched as he stuffed cake in his mouth, eyes on the TV, and an overwhelming warmth filled me.Hope.
A few minutes later, he got up, collected our garbage, and headed over to dump it in the trash. He grabbed a blanket on the way back, and a broad smile crossed his face when he looked at me.
“You got something here.” His chuckle rumbled through the room, but I stilled as his thumb swiped across my bottom lip, and he sucked it clean.
I grinned. “You can’t buy my heart with cheesecake. You need at least a full-course meal for that.”
We both smiled as he stroked his thumb over my cheek. “There’s the feistiness I know and love.”
He placed a quick kiss on the tip of my nose before sitting on the couch, tucking me into his side. I let all the air out of my lungs.Love.
Jax threw the blanket over both of us and tucked me closer. The woodsy smell of him felt like an old memory and a warm bed, like coming home. I settled into the normalcy of watching shows with my boyfriend. A regular couple doing ordinary things. No impending wall we were about to slam into, and I let my thoughts drift into daydreams about what it would be like to make this permanent. If I bent on my rules, would he always be like this? I didn’t know, but I was starting to think I was willing to find out.
THIRTY
SIDNEY
I foldedand unfolded my napkin and trailed my fingers over my thin gold watch, checking it for the tenth time, then rolled my empty wineglass between my palms. I’d finished it in a few sips when I first got here to help with the jitters of seeing my dad. Not that it helped.
He was late. He was always late.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t coming.Right? How late was “didn’t show up” late? A sinking feeling started in my stomach and dropped through the floor.
How much longer could I sit here before I became truly pathetic? Pain tightened my chest, and my eyes burned. I would not cry. I should’ve expected this. I was just so desperate for crumbs that I grasped at the possibility of seeing him despite his words, “I’ll fit you in,” like I was a business appointment and not his daughter.
I didn’t realize how much I’d wanted to see him. To tell him all about my new internship and maybe even about Jax. I knew he’d have issues with it, but maybe after I explained how he was, he’d have some advice. Things were different.Instead, I sat here with a red face, and pitying glances turned my way. The part hitting me the hardest was I knew better. I let my heart soften to the idea of hanging with him, wanting to believe in a different reality.
I was sure my dad would have some reasonable excuse for not showing up. Something I wouldn’t be able to refute because it would be utterly rational. “Oh, sorry, kiddo. I couldn’t make it because my flight was delayed, and I didn’t have enough time between connections.” He always had a believable reason. That was, until you realized it was Every. Single. Time.
