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In reality, it all came down to the fact that I wasn’t important compared to his lifestyle. It was damn hard to compete with going on cruises, big celebrity parties, or playing giant arenas. You’d think he would have grown bored with that life enough to find some time to fit me in, but the opposite was true.
My dad spent barely enough time with me when I was a kid, but the longer he was a big-time coach, the more he believed his own excuses. And this right here was why I swore never to date a hockey player. It was a world complete unto itself, and it had a self-perpetuating feedback loop that made the world feel like it truly revolved around them. Asking someone to step out of that loop, to come back to earth and visit for a minute, felt like an imposition.
My hand pressed to my chest and tried to hold my heart together. Jax wasn’t like that, though. He was different,right?
I couldn’t picture him falling into his own feedback loop like my dad did. Jax was constantly thinking about how I felt and made sure I was happy. I was important to him. So why did a part of me feel like, no matter what, one day I’d end up right here again… but with Jax missing on the other side of the table?
Screw this. I refused to let my dad make me feel small. The heat of anger rose up my spine. I covered my bill, and I snatched up my phone, quickly ordering an Uber. It was time to smash some shit.
My heels crunched on the fine gravel as I stomped across the junkyard, making a beeline for the sofa. Everything was still where I wanted it, even though I hadn’t been here since the time with Jax. I dug in my clutch for a hair tie, snatching my hair up into a quick ponytail. I tossed my clutch on the sofa and dragged out my favorite bat and the safety glasses.
An hour later, my brow was slick with sweat, and my hands were shaking. I dropped the bat, knowing I’d probably made a callous on my thumb. I looked at my watch again. It was just under an hour until Lucas would get Piper. Flopping onto the sofa, I dug in my clutch for my phone and shot off a quick text.
Me: How’s it going? Everything in place?
Jax: What are you doing texting me? How’s your dad?
Me: I’m excited for them. It’s a big moment and I’m sad I’ll miss it.
Jax: Have your dad swing you around when he’s on his way back to the airport
Me: Well, that’s going to be a problem. My dad never made it.
Jax: WTF?
My phone immediately rang. I hesitated to pick it up when I saw Jax’s name scroll across the front. I took a calming breath, and I answered, “Hi.”
“Sid, is everything okay? Is your dad okay?” His voice was soft, questioning.
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine. He does this sometimes.” I swallowed down the lump in my throat.
“Does what? Leaves you hanging?”
“Pretty much. You know how it is. Important jobs come first.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Seriously, that’s fucked-up. When’s the last time you saw him?”
“A year ago.” I held the phone away from my face as I took a shuddering breath and clamped my jaw shut, not willing to cry over someone I knew better than to count on. “Jax… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m so sorry, Sid. I know how much you were looking forward to seeing him.” He let out a harsh breath, and I could picture him pacing in a circle.
Just then, Fred drove by in a truck, and a high-pitched beeping sound echoed off the towers of scrapped metal all around when he got to work.
“Trouble?” Jax could obviously hear it through the phone. “Whereareyou?” His voice was pitched low with concern.
With my hand pressed over the mic on my phone, I waited for Fred to shut off the incessant beeping.
“Sid… Sidney?”
“I just… need to blow off some steam,” I blurted out. Jax went to say something, but I cut him off. “Enough about me. Tell me about the engagement!” I didn’t have to force my voice to lighten as my genuine excitement shined through. “Do you think it’s weird if I ask you to FaceTime with me so I can see it too?”
Muffled noise came from the other end. Jax talked to someone but must’ve covered the phone, just like I did.
“I’m coming to get you.” It was a statement, not a question.
“What? Jax, no, you can’t. There’s not enough time. You can’t miss it.” I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me.
He paused. “You’re right.”
