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“When I am cold to you, it is to protect you.” He kisses my right eye. “When I look for you, when I touch you, it is because I am weak and selfish.” He places a kiss on my other eye. “I know I should stay away—and I try—but your very essence calls to me, driving me mad until all reason is gone, and I can no longer fight it. Your existence makes me reckless.”
His admission startles me. I wait for a reaction, but all I feel is hurt and anger.
I slide sideways against the wall and move up a step then another. Alaric lets his hands fall away.
“You are cruel,” I hiss.
“Clara…” His voice is raw.
I shake my head again.This isn’t love. It can’t be.I thought my heart had shattered, but this is a knife to my chest, finishing the job.
“You don’t hurt the ones you love,” I say. Then I turn and run.
Alaric doesn’t follow, but I don’t slow until I reach my room. My shaking fingers fumble with the latch. Only when I’m inside, with my back pressed against the warped wood door, do I allow the tears to fall in earnest.
I hate this. I hate that he said that. I hate that all I can seem to do is cry. It makes me feel weak and pathetic.
A hiccup that is part sob and part laughter bubbles up.Who would have ever thought that I would cry over a vampire?
When the tears subside and I’m cold from sitting on the floor, I stand and cross to the dresser. I pour water from the carafe into a small wooden bowl, then splash my face until my skin is no longer overheated.
Water clings to my lashes and dribbles down my neck. I feel around for a towel when there’s a soft knock.
Growling, I wipe my sleeve over my face. I’m not in the mood for Cassius or his training. He will give me the day off; it won’t change anything in the end.
More than ready to deliver a tongue lashing, I jerk open the door, then freeze with my mouth hanging open.
Alaric stands inches in front of me, lashes clinging together in thick clumps. I grip the edge of the door and prepare to close it. I don’t have it in me to continue our conversation.
A single heartbeat later, his arms band around me, lifting me up into a tight hug. Alaric steps inside and kicks the door shut with his booted foot. He lowers me back down, but he doesn’t let go.
Alaric nestles his face in the crook of my neck. “I love you,” he breathes against my skin.
Reaching up, I place my hands on his chest and push. He doesn’t budge under my human strength.
“I never wanted to hurt you, but I will continue to do so if it means keeping you alive and safe.” A deep, shuddering sigh rolls through him. “Even if it means you end up hating me—I will never stop loving you.”
My arms go limp, and I press my cheek against his muscular chest inhaling his musky scent. I search for the lie among his words or deception in the way he holds me, but find none.
We remain like this for several long minutes. Eventually Alaric loosens his hold and ducks his head to look me in the eye. “I don’t know how to do this, to play the part Elizabeth demands while staying true to myself and to you.”
If I were smart, I would call him a liar regardless of what my heart wants. If I were smart, I would send him away.
But I’m not…
And I believe him.
The truth winds itself around my heart, and I can’t ignore it. There is reason behind each and every contradiction.
Throat thick with lingering hurt and mixed with understanding, I nod, immediately realizing he hasn’t asked me anything, but it’s the only response I can manage.
Ever since he gave me the first mark, I’ve been afraid of losing myself and him… and of these emotions. There’s still so much I don’t know about the mark and how it connects us.
I take two deep breaths then step back, pushing it all back down, and say the first thing that comes to mind. “Why did you saythatto her during the announcement?”
Alaric tugs a hand through his hair and huffs out a laugh. “I may have been looking at her, but I was talking to you.”
“Oh.” It’s a silly thing, but it makes a difference. Then something occurs to me. “Why couldn’t I feel you coming down the stairs? I could feel you during…”
