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The dread and desperation of his impending fate weighs heavy on his shoulders.
Guilt settles like a rock in my gut. I am responsible forall of this.
I took his sister’s life, and he claimed me in exchange for the life debt I owe. Then when the queen found out, she ordered him to Nightwich. Returning to Windbury after Kitty’s wedding and coming here with him have all lead to a gilded cage forming around him, one bar at a time. And in two months the door will clang shut, locking him away for good.
Demon shit,I have ruined his life in every way possible. It’s my fault he will be oath bound to Elizabeth. I don’t understand how he can stand being in my company, let alone believe that he loves me.
My heart and head war with each other, one believing his words, the other incapable.
“Clara? What’s wrong?” he asks, cutting through my thoughts.
“I have ruined your life,” I say. His brows shoot up. “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have claimed—”
“You can’t take responsibility for my actions.” He twists to look me in the eye, gripping my chin between his thumb and forefinger and pointing in the direction of Nightwich with his other hand. “Or Elizabeth’s… or anyone else’s for that matter. We are all responsible for our choices and how we react to the those around us. No one makes us do anything.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek. His thumb brushes back and forth over my bottom lip.
“I would have ended up here eventually.” He gives me a joyless half-smile. “It’s horrible and I shouldn’t be, but I am glad that you are with me.”
He lists his head to the side, dark eyes glittering like they hold the night sky. I want his love, and I will do anything I can to keep it, even if I don’t deserve it after everything I’ve done.
Rising to my knees, I throw my arms around his neck. Unprepared, he topples over, landing on his back, taking me with him.
“If I was stronger, I could fix this,” I whisper, resting my cheek on his chest. “I could save you.”
Alaric moves a hand up and down my back in soothing strokes. “You are the strongest person I know—human or vampire.”
I lift my head to find him smiling, the barest glimpse of his fangs peek out.Demons and saints, how can he smile right now?
“If I could just stay by your side, I could fix this,” I insist.
“Don’t put all of this on your shoulders, my dear Clara. It is not your place to change fate.” Alaric rolls to the side so we lay facing each other. Reaching up, his fingers glide over my temple, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.
He’s wrong. He keeps saying it’s not my fault, not my responsibility, but I can’t silence the voice that says otherwise.
I clutch at the front of his shirt, pulling myself closer. “If I were a vampire, I would be strong enough.”
“No.” The word cuts through the air between us, sharp and inflexible.
Stilling, I hold my breath against the bitter disappointment. I should have expected that. My hands fall away from his shirt, and I push up to sit.
“Clara—”
“I’m cold.” I scoot away from him and inch closer to the fire, hugging my knees to my chest.
He shifts, but I keep my gaze locked on the dancing flames, blinding me to everything else. The wood crackles and pops gently.
“It’s not for the reasons you assume.”
“How do you know what I’m thinking?” I ask harsher than I mean to.
He chuckles. “Because I know you better than you realize.”
Alaric shifts again, cradling my hips with his legs as he settles behind me. Two strong arms envelop me, pulling my back against his chest. I don’t fight his embrace—I don’t want to.
He sighs and rests his cheek on the top of my head. “I did horrible things in my past that I don’t want you to experience… and I don’t want you to find out what a monster I truly am.”
My stomach churns.I called him a monster once. It couldn’t be further from the truth, but he believes it is. If I had known, would I have still said it to him?
