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The truth is shame churning my insides. At the time, I would have. In fact, I would have used it against him at every opportunity. My hate forwhathe is would have blinded me towhohe really is.
No matter what we wish, the past is set in stone. We are powerless to change it, but we can learn from it.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because you will hate me.”
“Aren’t we a pair?” I run a finger along the hand that rests on my knee. “We are both afraid of the same thing.”
“I told you I would never stop—”
“I am still afraid,” I interrupt. Fear and insecurity are irrational things that defy the heart and mind. Not used to those emotions, I don’t know how to deal with them.
“Cassius is supposed to oath bind me to him.”
Alaric stiffens at my back at the abrupt change in subject.
“If I were a vampire,” I continue, “then he wouldn’t need to and—”
Alaric sighs wearily. “I can see you’re not about to give in.”
I don’t even know if I would want to become a vampire… but if it meant not being oath bound to Cassius, and having the strength so I could help Alaric, I would be willing to risk it.
Twisting awkwardly to face him, I’m met with sorrowful eyes and a deep frown. A moment ago, I wondered if it could be a viable solution to some of our problems.
“I will not turn you. But if I tell you what I did, then will you promise to drop this?”
I nod solemnly and face forward, leaning back against him.
Alaric drops his forehead to my shoulder. His pain is palpable, and that’s all I need to change my mind. The details don’t matter because no one hurts this much over something small.
“No, Alaric, you don’t have to tell me. I won’t ask again.”
He presses his lips just below my ear in a sweet kiss, and then he begins. “After Elizabeth first turned me, I was angry at the world. She used Rosalie to get to me. My first night, she brought me two humans, and I killed them—I didn’t intend to—but at the time, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. That was when vampires were nothing more than fairytales told to children to make them behave.”
His arms shake around me from the rage his memories dredge up. I thread my fingers through his and bring his hand to my lips and kiss his palm. It’s the only thing I can think to do. I do not possess the words that would make this all right for him, so I continue to offer what little comfort I can with small touches and gestures, never letting go.
It seems to help.
“Those deaths only fueled my anger, and the next night, I went out to a tavern I used to frequent when I was still human… I had one too many drinks, and when I woke up several hours later…” His voice grows pained as he speaks. “I had slaughtered them all—friends and neighbors I grew up with, people I knew since I was a child. I would have ended my life then and there if it hadn’t been for Rosalie. I stayed to protect her, and in return, she somehow helped me reclaim the scraps of my humanity.”
Alaric falls silent and sags against me, face pressed to my neck. His arms tighten, crushing me to his chest. Ragged breaths are warm through my clothing. I swallow thickly.
My gentle vampire just admitted to acts I never thought possible by his hand. I would expect similar from most other vampires—but never him.
I pull his arms tighter around me and squeeze. He feels the pain and regret of his actions after all this time. My heart aches for him and the pain he carries that has never faded.
It must have been a very long time ago because no one in Littlemire has ever spoken of such a massacre. If it were to happen today, every known town would know about it within a month, and the stories would linger for decades.
“I understand,” I say. Twisting to sit with my side against him, I place a kiss on the corner of his mouth. His eyes slide closed as he leans into the gesture.
Alaric clears his throat and offers a half-hearted smile.
“When you are oath bound to her, what will become of the mark?” I ask after a while.
“It will dissolve, and you will be free.” He tries to sound upbeat, hopeful, but there is a note of something darker and jagged in his tone.
My heart thuds painfully.
