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“No,” he says gently. “You can go anywhere you want—you can go home.”
Home. Images of his manor spring to mind at the word. It might not be the home he meant for me, but it’s the first place I truly felt safe, despite the dangers that found me. Thinking of being there again is comforting. The way it feels, the way it smells.Him.
“If it will make things easier, there is a way I can help….” He grimaces, shifting uncomfortably. “I can become your consort.” Alaric suddenly stands and begins pacing the length of the bed. “You would not be obliged to any part of the role and could dissolve that position whenever you wish.”
My heart stutters. Most would consider such an offer to be a proposal. Albeit a backward one… a request for a proposal. I am rendered speechless and confused.
On the one hand, it would be safer, but on the other… I can’t deny that it carries a slight sting that Alaric would make such a suggestion for purely practical reasons.
To his credit, as discomforted as he seems by the ever-widening silence, he grants me time to gather my wits and find my voice.
“I am unsure what to make of such a romantic proposal.”
Though I mean to say it lightly, he goes perfectly still mid-stride. I stare at his back for several heartbeats before Alaric faces me again. Panic widens his deep blue eyes. The crimson ring around his irises shimmers a vivid hue.
He straightens, running a hand down his face. “Demons shit, I have made a mess of this.”
As his nerves fray, mine begin to ease. I shrug. “I have known you to be more charming on occasion….”
He sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in both of his. “What I am so inelegantly trying to say is, I am still uncertain what it is that’s between us, but do not think your choice has any bearing on it. I will respect whatever decision you make.”
I study him. Nothing in his tone or features hints at the answer he’s looking for. “My decision on accepting the crown… or how I feel about you?”
Alaric exhales. “Either. Both. You will need to make a final decision regarding the crown sooner rather than later. As far as anything else is concerned, if you refuse me, I will still do everything in my power to help you until you send me away.” There is a flash of something in his eyes.
And all at once, I understand what he is really asking me. Disguised beneath the practical suggestion, the doubt and fear that I might not need him—might not want him—was an attempt to feel me out.
That small uncertainty is almost too much. Everything is all twisted and knotted inside my chest, made heavier by exhaustion. Impossibly, my eyes haven’t run dry yet. Though there is sorrow coloring it all, it is mostly the release of far too heavy a load for one heart to carry.
“I’ll do it… I accept your offer.” As hard as I try to keep my voice even, my words are halting, interrupted by ragged breaths.
His confusion quickly switches to apprehension once the tears begin to fall. Alaric looks around helplessly. If I could stop crying, I might laugh.
“I—” he flounders. “Tell me what to do, what to say.” His hands hover over my shoulders and arms, unable to settle. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I don’t think he’s ever looked so lost before. I almost feel bad. “I am not upset,” I say between sniffles.
He doesn’t look convinced.
I shake my head and hold up a hand as I calm myself enough to speak. “You can doubt anything in this world, but never doubt that I love you….” I trail off when his palm slides over my damp skin, wiping the tears away. It isn’t an answer to his question, but it is the one he was looking for.
The relief in his expression is immediate. “I thought your words in that cabin might have been colored by wine and desire, but how could anyone be expected to resist giving you their heart when you make such pretty vows and devotions?” Alaric leans in, only leaving a small space between his lips and mine. Our breaths mingle. A seductive grin that shows his fangs curls his mouth. It should make him look menacing, but I find the opposite to be true.
I frown, pulling away. “Please don’t tease me.”
“I am not teasing you.” he says, his hold bringing me back. “Without all of my memories, it is difficult to gauge how to act or what to say. My heart and my past are in two different places. It is a constant push and pull between them, but even so, I always find myself searching for you, reaching for you. It is a need that won’t be denied.”
It is not a simple vow of love. It is complicated and twisting and deep and… real.
“I think I could be queen,” I say slowly. “If you were at my side.”
Alaric lifts my hand and kisses the inside of my wrist, pinning me in place with his midnight blue gaze. “You are like air to me. If I were a fish, I would grow wings to always feel you, and learn to live without water just to breathe you.”
His words make mine feel inadequate. My tongue darts out to lick my suddenly dry lips, and his eyes follow the movement.
Alaric leans forward, brushing his mouth over mine in a whisper of a kiss, then shifts to sit beside me in a way we did what seems like a lifetime ago at his manor. Hip to hip, he drapes an arm over my shoulders and pulls me into his side. His long legs stretch out over the top of the bed. I curl into him. I have missed his warmth, his touch, his presence.
Even if I did not love him, I couldn’t live with myself if I left him to suffer at Elizabeth’s hands. He showed me kindness and friendship and love when he had every reason not to, and he did so without conditions or expectations. He sacrificed his freedom for the chance to keep me safe.
