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Yesterday, when you said silly thoughts ruined it, what were you talking about?
CHAPTER11
Zoey
“Is that him?” Natasha says, smiling at me over her latte.
It’s a knowing smile that implies a lot.
“I didn’t think he was going to text me again.”
The cafeteria is busy, students bustling around, talking loudly—the coffee machine whirs as a constant—yet I still keep my voice low. It’s like I think Mom has spies here or something.
“When Peter reached out to Mom this morning, I assumed that was it. I assumed it was over. Jaxson was going to help us with Axel, but as far as a relationship went…”
“Arelationship?” Natasha says. “That sounds serious. What has he said? You don’t have to tell me, obviously.”
“He asked some awkward questions,” I murmur. “About why I stopped things yesterday. About why I couldn’t go all the way.”
“You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about,” Natasha says, laying her mug down.
“You mean, apart from the fact Mom would hate me if she knew about this? And Dad’s probably watching me with the biggest frown on his face. Even if wecouldbe together, I can never give him what he wants. Apart from all that?”
Natasha sighs. “All I know is, I’ve never seen you like this. You seem so much happier. Excited. I was starting to think you weren’t interested in romance at all.”
“I just never found the right person.”
“I think you owe it to yourself to listen to your feelings.”
“Switch off my heart and listen to my brain, huh?”
Natasha nods. “I’myourfriend, Zoey. Not your mom’s. I never knew your dad. All I care about is you. If you want to end this before it goes any further, fine, but if you want to pursue it…”
I swallow, nerves threatening to paralyze me. Maybe this is what it will take to end this. I type quickly.
I’m a virgin, Jax. That’s why I had to stop things yesterday. It was all spinning out of control. I wanted to go all the way. That’s shameful to admit, right? Considering the fact it means we’re complete traitors, I couldn’t. My first time… It freaks me out, honestly.
Waiting, I drum my fingers on the table. I play with my hair. I look around the cafeteria. It’s almost time for our next class, and there’s no response.
“Maybe he’s disgusted.”
“Ormaybehe just hasn’t checked his phone yet. Come on. We’re going to be late. Try not to panic, okay?”
* * *
I listen to Natasha’s advice.
All during our next two classes, then the drive home, I try not to imagine what Jax is thinking. I try not to imagine him scowling at his phone, shaking his head, and thinking,Well, there goes any quick, harmless fun we could’ve had. Ultimately, that must’ve been what he wanted. We both know this can’t end with us in a relationship, mainly because I still haven’t learned what happened between him and Mom.
Mom isn’t home when I get in. I prime the alarm, feeling relieved Axel has quit his stalking routine, at least for now. I go to my room and sit at the desk, attempting to pick up where I left my writing. That’s another thing. I’ve sent Jax my chapters, and he hasn’t responded yet. Hello, more anxiety. I almost leap out of my chair when my phone buzzes.
You’re living in a dreamland if you think being a virgin makes me want you less.
Way to keep me hanging,I type, then delete it. I don’t want to seem needy. It’s hilarious becauseneedis the emotion dominating me.
Are you serious?I reply.It means I won’t be able to give you what you want.
Not right away, but I saw how excited your body was yesterday. I saw how badly you wanted it, or else you put on the best show I’ve ever seen.
