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“They scream too, you know? And poop a lot.” She laughs at my blunt statement and nods her head.
“Yeah, I know. They have their moments. But it’s all worth it. All the late nights of them wanting to be held. When they’re gone, I’ll miss them. I may be irritated when they cry every time I put them down, but when they’re older, I’ll wish they’d let me hold them again.”
I vaguely wonder if focusing on a baby is a way for her to cope with how different our lives are now. I wonder if it’s all moving too fast. I worry for her, but I bite my tongue.
It’s not my place and I’ll stand with her through anything.
“It’s not abnormal, Grace,” Lizzie says softly, as if she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “When mates meet and the heat happens … this is what is expected.”
She offers me a small smile as she pats my hand. “I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and I love my mates, truly. Both of them. Even if it’s all too fast and there’s so much to learn. When I was little, this was my happily ever after. Before … everything else. This was all I wanted.”
Her doe eyes brim with tears and I wrap my arms around her in concern. “Fuck, I’m so damn hormonal, Grace.” She lets out a sad laugh while tears slip down her cheeks. Wiping them away, she pulls back to tell me, “I don’t just want a little baby; I want a family.” She leans back farther, dropping her spoon and unopened yogurt into her lap. “I have a family.”
“You do,” I whisper, only just now realizing what she must be feeling. Reconciling her past and present, accepting love, and finally knowing she’s safe. They’ll protect her from everything.
“They love me so much and I love them too.”
“Damn, girl,” I joke to lighten the mood as she attempts to gather her composure, “you’re definitely pregnant. All emotional.” She laughs and pulls her legs into her chest, wiping her eyes.
“I hope I am.” Her happiness makes me question my decision to wait. The way she’s come round to them makes me wonder if I should do the same with Devin.
The thought of Lizzie holding a baby suddenly sends all sorts of emotions shooting through me, jealousy being the most prominent. It catches me off guard. I’m not a jealous person, and especially not of Lizzie. I want her to have happiness. It’s quiet for a moment as I stand up, wanting to shake all of this off.
I shuffle to the fridge to find something to eat while I question my feelings. “What do you think it’ll be like?”
“Having a baby?” Her eyes catch mine briefly before I look into the freezer.
“Yeah.”
“Heaven. Well, sometimes heaven, sometimes hell. But it’s all a phase and it will be worth the hard times.”
“It’s so much responsibility, so life changing.” I snort at my own words. Everything has been so fucking life changing. It seems like every day there’s something new, yet Devin is unaffected. Is this world of chaos and danger my normal now?
“It is, but I’ve always wanted a big family.”
“Really?” Surprise coats the single word. “I never knew that.”
She nods as I shut the fridge, a package of yogurt in my hand. She says, “I never really talked about it. It’s not like I’d ever let a guy near me so …” She breathes deep before tossing the cup at the trash can and missing. “Crap.” Getting up, she walks over to clean up her mess.
“Is that why?” I question as I lean against the counter.
“Why what?”
“Why you never dated anyone?” I feel like a shit friend for not knowing any of this before. She’s always been flirtatious but that’s as far as things went. To be honest, none of the guys we would hang around with ever seemed like they were good enough for her, so I never questioned her not getting serious with anyone.
“I don’t know. I just buried it all and tried not to think about it.” She’s pitching the cup in the trash; this time it makes it. “You know, I never thought I’d have kids. Since I’m latent, I didn’t know if I could risk trying to have a family. What if I settled for some guy back in Shadow Falls? Obviously he would’ve been human. I peel back the lid slowly, taking my time and letting Lizzie say whatever’s on her mind.
“If I settled down with some guy, I never could’ve told him about what I am. Heck … I couldn’t even tell you. And then if we had a baby, and that baby was a werewolf …” She shakes her head as she trails off, the rose gold and moonstone earrings I gifted her gently chiming. Lizzie retakes her seat and spins on her stool. She bites her lip, obviously thinking about something. Finally she stops and looks at me as I take the seat next to her. “I always wanted to tell you, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to believe it was true. Some days I’d actually convince myself it was just a nightmare. It was so much easier living like that.” She leans in and lays her head on my shoulder. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
Resting my head on top of hers, I answer honestly, “I could never be mad at you, babe. Besides, I knew you went through something and when you were ready, you’d tell me.”
“I didn’t think I would have ever been ready, though. I never wanted to deal with it, you know?” She leans back to look me in the eyes while I swirl the spoon in yogurt I don’t even want to eat.
Setting it down on the counter with finality I nod slightly and tell her, “I know. I really do get it. You don’t have to be worried about me. You know I still love you.”
“I love you too.” She kisses my cheek before going back to spinning on her seat.
All this heavy talk is making a lump form in my throat. My whole world is nothing like it was before. It’s as if I’m living in a completely different reality and so much is out of my control.
