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I’ll leave it up to Lucy to tell the pregnancy thing to whoever she feels should know, but Brad’s no dummy. He’s got his own dad-tuition, but it’s something so dark and unthinkable in his mind that he has to dismiss it. That’s what I thought I could do until I saw Beth again yesterday for the first time in six months. After that, she’s all I’ve wanted, and now that I have her, it seems like I’ll have to keep her locked up somewhere with the two of us creeping around so we can be together.
Right this second is a great example. I have so much I wanna talk to Beth about, and here we are, having to stand apart almost like strangers because of what other people will think of us if we openly share how we feel. It’s a deception I don’t like, but the alternative is even worse right now, so with a glance of resignation, Beth and I have our first dress rehearsal in pretending we’re not together—only for the sake of the others.
I gotta say, it’s a feeling I don’t like one bit. She is mine now, but only when we can truly be alone. Sharing “us” with the rest of the world will have to be gradual, although I don’t fancy the chances of that happening smoothly either, but will it be worth it? Is it worth it?
Of course, she is. Beth is everything to me already. We have our whole lives ahead of us. That will most likely include tougher problems than facing what other people think, even if those people are my daughter and my best friend. They’re both special people, and I love them, just not the same way I love Beth.
I know in my heart and soul that Beth and I have to be together, and it’s gotta be a forever deal.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
Beth
Two weeks later…
It had to happen, I suppose, and it does. Unexpectedly and awkwardly, but with nowhere near the level of nuclear fallout Bowdie and I were expecting, not from Lucy, anyhow.
Her recent dalliance with Josh, who she’s officially broken it off withagain,saw a change in her. She became more solitary, even wanting to spend a lot less time with me without really saying why. I know it’s because we’re growing up and maybe a little further apart.
I’ve been helping Bowdie at the office, taking the job he offered, and Lucy’s been busy looking for work herself. She’s determined to get a place and pay her own way. Bowdie’s in two minds about the whole thing, but it’s what Lucy wants, especially once she comes by the office unexpectedly in the afternoon around the time Bowdie calls it a day, and I’m in my favorite position underneath him.
Lucy only sees her dad standing with me and holding me, stroking my hair and sliding his hands up and down my body before leaning in for a kiss like we always do around this time. Usually, the door is locked. That’s all anyone would need to see to connect the dots, which Lucy does instantly.
She’s shocked, sure, but the hurt in her eyes is worse than either Bowdie or I would have expected, let alone wished on anyone. Bowdie keeps his hands on me, though, no longer shying away from the truth. I’m proud of my man for standing by me when we both need each other the most.
I’m proud of myself, too, because it’s been a couple of weeks, and I’m finally pegging just what it means to be with someone like Bowdie. He’s someone who I can be as devoted to as he is to me with none of the regular relationship “drama” that Lucy and Josh spend all their time on. They waste the gift of each other, but most likely, they’re just not cut out for each other.
Lucy’s shocked and hurt look turns into a disgusted one. Her eyes narrow on mine as she tries to say something but only shakes her head in disbelief before turning on her heel.
“Lucy!” I call after her, moving to follow her, but Bowdie’s grip on me holds me firmly to the spot.
“I’ll go,” he murmurs, sounding calmer and clearer than I ever could, but it’s not Bowdie who catches Lucy by the exit before she can run.
It’s my dad, whistling to himself as the elevator doors slide open. His cheerful look turns just as quickly as Lucy’s did as a single look from Lucy confirms all his conscious and unconscious suspicions before she struggles to push past him, headed for the stairs. It’s like watching something valuable falling and about to shatter—too late to stop from smashing to the ground.
This is how it plays out. This is the moment Bowdie and I have been dreading, though we both knew every second together was hurtling us toward it. Bowdie’s close enough to go after Lucy, but then my dad gives me the look. When his voice cracks with emotion, and he asks me everything with the single word, “Beth?” I know we can’t pretend a minute longer. The look of our own that Bowdie and I share says more than words ever could.
“Why don’t you come sit down, Brad?” Bowdie says calmly, but like Lucy, my dad’s head is already shaking. He’s not ready and doesn’t want to talk about anything that’s gonna confirm his worst suspicions.
“Brad?” Bowdie says a little firmer, but it’s not gonna happen. My dad’s face is enough to set me crying. Even once he leaves, his hands balled into fists and his head doing nothing but shaking from side to side, I know it would only make matters worse if either of us went after them.
You could cut the tension in here with a knife, but Bowdie and I gravitate toward each other once we're alone again. His huge arms envelop me, and his slow, rhythmic breathing calms me as I cry at hurting two people I love, but only so I can be with the man I love more than life itself.
“That went well,” I finally sniff, trying to make the best of a bad situation with an attempt at humor.
“I think it could’ve gone a lot worse,” Bowdie observes, and I nod in agreement, comparing the hurt it causes in my gut with the pain of being alone forever if I’d never gotten together with Bowdie.
“I think you’re right, but it still sucks,” I murmur, nuzzling into his torso for comfort.
“Probably not a great idea for either of us to go home right now,” Bowdie remarks, but it sounds a lot like one of his preloaded statements—an opening for something bigger and better that he usually has planned.
“Where ishomenow?” I ask, looking up at him and blinking away my tears as all my negative emotions are replaced with the good ones that my man oozes for me.
“I hear London’s not so bad this time of year,” he says, creasing his mouth and cocking his brow in question. He searches my eyes for any level of interest that tells him I’m all in on what we both know is a forever deal. For better or worse… that kinda thing. I know he’s already got the “for richer” part sorted. The rest is up to me, I guess.
“I’ll go wherever you go,” I tell him instantly. “You know I will… always,” I promise him. Bowdie squeezes me tight and breathes a long breath of relief as he smiles.
“That’s what I hoped you’d say. I figure a few weeks away might let the dust settle, plus I have had some interesting emails about the research project.”
