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“Are you uncomfortable?” he asked me.
I was thankful it was getting dark and my back was to him. My face was flushed. “No, I’m good,” I told him, then decided to try something else.
Scooting my bottom back until it was pressed against his crotch area, I waited until I felt the hard ridge of an erection, but he shifted back enough so we were no longer touching.
That had been obvious. He didn’t want that kind of connection. Did he find me unattractive? He’d told me I looked beautiful many times, but maybe my body as a whole didn’t do anything for him.
“Hayes?” I asked, keeping my eyes straight ahead.
“Yeah?”
“Are we ever going to do anything more than kiss? Or are you not attracted to me like that?”
He was silent for a moment, and I prepared myself for a letdown. I’d asked him, and if he told me the truth and it hurt, I would have to accept it.
“I want to wait until marriage,” he said finally. “You know that.”
I nodded. “Yes, I know, but I’m not talking about sex,” I said, then took his hand and placed it on my left breast. “This isn’t sex.”
He went very still. I held my breath and waited for him to do something. My heart sank when he pulled his hand free and moved back from me. I curled my legs up behind me and stared down at my hands. This was the end. I’d asked for more than he wanted with me.
“That leads to other things, Trinity. If we touch each other in ways that feel good, we will want more. That’s what happens. You touch and get carried away, and then you’re having sex.”
I didn’t see how touching my boobs or me pressing my butt against his crotch was going to have us ripping each other’s clothes off. But I said nothing. I continued to look at my hands.
Hayes reached over and slipped a finger under my chin and lifted my head up so that my eyes met his. “You’re beautiful. Inside and out. There isn’t a heterosexual man on this planet who wouldn’t be attracted to you. Don’t get in your head like that. This isn’t about you or your body. I promise you.”
I nodded, and he leaned forward, then pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“I want to marry you,” he whispered.
Seventeen
Trinity
The wine bottle was almost empty. I’d taught Maddy how to make my favorite chocolate chip cookies, and we each had three of them. We hadn’t talked about anything very deep or personal. She entertained me with Cree stories and Blaise being a dad. I laughed so hard that I choked on my wine when she told me about Blaise’s first experience in changing a diaper.
I hadn’t laughed like this in … well, ever. It felt good to laugh and talk to someone. Maddy made it easy to relax around her.
“We need to do this more,” she said, still smiling.
“I would like that,” I told her.
She took another drink from her glass, then looked at me. “About today,” she began, and I inwardly winced.
I had expected this to come up, and when it hadn’t, I had been relieved. I didn’t want to mess up a great night with that.
“Listen, if you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But just know, I’ve got a past too. I’ve dealt with some bad things. My emotional baggage is something I still struggle with.”
I frowned, and my gaze shifted to the picture on the wall of her, Blaise, and Cree. They looked happy. Perfect. As if they belonged on a television ad. I doubted she would understand the kind of emotional crap that haunted me.
“Yes, I’m very lucky,” she said, and I turned to see her looking up at the picture I’d been staring at. “Blaise Hughes loves me. That’s the only reason I’m even alive. I shouldn’t be. My mother died of breast cancer before I was three. I barely remember her. The man who I thought was my father wasn’t. The brother I had all my life wasn’t my brother.
“Long story short, my mom had run away, pregnant, and married a widower with a kid. Not planning on dying and leaving her child with him.” She sighed and shook her head. “I won’t bore you with all the details, but if Blaise hadn’t been watching over me, I’d have been a victim of sex trafficking, only it would have been the man I thought was my father handing me over to the men who planned on selling me.”
My mouth fell open as I stared at her. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
She nodded. “Yep.”
