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I couldn’t ask any more questions simply because I couldn’t fucking handle the answers. The damn ache in my chest was new for me. I was struggling to take deep breaths. Motherfucker, I needed to kill someone. Or at least break them. My body was strung so tight that I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. It didn’t help that every shitty thing I’d said to her and accused her of since I’d brought her to the house was just more cruelty that she had to endure.
Apologizing to her now would sound fucking weak. There weren’t words to make that go away. Dammit, why hadn’t Blaise cleared that shit up with me on day one? She had been through enough bullshit. Had Hayes known this? If so, why hadn’t he dealt with that fucking redheaded bitch? He had been religious, but even the God he believed in had dealt out consequences. Hayes had been a Kingston. He’d turned from that, but it had still been in his blood. I wanted to ask her if she’d told him these things, but I couldn’t because if she had and he’d not done shit about it, I didn’t want to be angry with my dead little brother.
“Since you aren’t going to ask me, I’ll tell you. I never did anything with Professor Kilgore. Not willingly. He flirted, and I ignored it. Then, he gave me an F on a paper I had turned in and told me he needed to meet with me in his office. I couldn’t fail that class, or I’d lose my scholarship. I’d never made anything lower than a C in my life. I was devastated. I went to his office, and he pushed me against his desk and told me all I had to do was fuck him for an A.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I tried to get away from him. He grabbed my boobs and said things about my body. His hands were up my skirt, grabbing my butt, when another professor entered the room. Except she was also currently having an affair with him and was furious. She told the board that she caught us having sex. They believed her.”
I hadn’t asked. Because this was what I had been afraid I’d hear. My chest burned. Fucking son of a bitch. I was going to find Jonathon Kilgore, and he was going to fucking wish he’d never laid eyes on Trinity.
I pulled through the security gate that surrounded the house. The more I thought about all the shit I didn’t know, the life she’d lived, the more the fury inside me began to get dangerous. These things couldn’t have been the only problems Trinity had dealt with in that house. When I could gain control of the rage licking at my pulse, I’d ask. That wasn’t now. Not when my need to put a bullet in Kilgore was clawing at me.
I parked inside the garage and turned off the ignition before looking at her again. She had her hands gripped tightly in her lap, and her shoulders were slumped, as if she was defeated. That shit only made the monster inside me roar to life.
“Trinity …” I said her name as calmly as I could, considering the shit stirring inside me.
She turned her head to look at me.
“I would apologize to you, but the wordsI’m sorrydon’t feel adequate.”
Those big brown eyes blinked twice as she studied me.
“The family is my family. It always will be. But Hayes was my blood. Even if he didn’t want to be a part of this world, he was my brother. I protected him from the moment he was born. He was never like me. He was softer, kinder, understanding—things that make a man an easy target.”
A sad smile touched her face, and then she licked her lips, and my fucking dick got hard.
“And you thought I had used him,” she said. “You were right. There is no reason for you to apologize. The things you’ve said to me and about me, most are true.”
What the fuck was she talking about?
“I wasn’t good enough for him. I’ve been broken a very long time. If it helps, I don’t think I could have walked down that aisle. He wanted a girl that I tried very hard to be, but I knew I could never be her. I’m not good. I don’t think there is a god we can pray to who answers us. I tried that many, many times, and there was no answer. But more than that, I did love Hayes. Who wouldn’t love him? He was impossible not to love. I just … I wasn’t in love with him. That wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I’m not sure I can love that way. He deserved that love. I knew it even when I said I’d marry him.” She stopped and dropped her gaze from mine. “You were right about me.”
Jesus Christ, I couldn’t take any more of this shit. I reached for the handle and swung the car door open with more force than necessary. I needed air. The kind that didn’t smell like honeysuckle and jasmine.
What the hell perfume did that woman wear? Was it not enough that her damn pussy tasted like honey?
I slammed the door behind me and stood there, taking several deep breaths as I tried to separate my rage from my arousal. The two did not go together.
I heard her get out of the vehicle, and I closed my eyes tightly, forcing myself to get control. I was tired. I needed rest. I’d be better after sleep. This had all come out at a bad time, but then I was the one who had asked her for answers.
“If you want me to leave …” Her voice sounded so damn nervous and unsure.
She was used to people abusing her. I hadn’t even asked about the stripping because I no longer gave a shit. I’d learned enough so far, and already, I was planning on a road trip to kill a man.
“No,” I bit out, opening my eyes to turn and look at her.
She was biting her bottom lip, and the defeat in her eyes as she stood there, ready for someone else to let her down, broke me. I stalked toward her, and she backed up, her eyes going wide until she hit the Escalade and couldn’t go any farther. She let that bottom lip go as she gasped.
It was then my mouth claimed hers.
II
“She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.”
—Charles Bukowski
Nineteen
Trinity
Spice, cigar, and mint infiltrated my senses. I’d never understood kissing. It had never made me want to cling to Hayes or press against him. Most of the time, kissing had been quick, comforting, nothing more.
