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20
***Jude***
IwatchedSashadisappearinto her apartment behind a closed door and walked out to my truck with a sour feeling in my gut. She’d invited me in for a drink, but I’d told her I had to get home to take care of something. A lie. I had nothing I needed to do that couldn’t wait. I just couldn’t imagine stepping into her apartment and pretending like I was fighting the urge to kiss her. I wasn’t. I’d spent the entire date with Sasha waiting for a single urge to hit, one small ounce of desire to strike, but I got nothing. Every bit of interest in her that I’d held on to for so long was gone.
Frustration gnawed at me as I sat in my truck and gripped the steering wheel. I’d been sure that Sasha would be different from the others. I’d convinced myself that there would be a connection between us. Years of telling myself that as soon as we were both single something would probably happen had proven vapid. I liked the woman and could talk to her about business all day long, but that was where it ended. She didn’t make me laugh the same way—
That frustration turned into anger as I had the same thought I always had after a date. A version of it, anyway. Sasha didn’t make me laugh like Poppy did. Hilary didn’t enjoy sports like Poppy did. I couldn’t see myself hanging out with Jamie like I did with Poppy. Every woman was compared to my best friend, and because of the connection I felt with Poppy, every woman came up short.
Until the whole kissing debacle, I hadn’t been able to compare any other women to Poppy physically, at least. Unfortunately, that ship had sailed. It’d sailed right into a fucking hurricane and sunk to the bottom of the ocean.
While driving Sasha home, I’d noticed her perfume. It didn’t smell like Poppy’s naturally sweet scent. I’d noticed the way she batted her eyes at me and thought of Poppy rolling her eyes. When Sasha touched my arm during dinner? My brain had tortured me with images of Poppy’s hands on my skin. Her plain nails were so different than Sasha’s bright red ones, but I couldn’t get her off my mind and I couldn’t stop wishing Sasha’s nails weren’t painted, either.
It was when I found myself wishing that Sasha looked and acted more like Poppy that I knew the date was over. Sasha didn’t deserve that. I slept around, but I wasn’t an asshole. Women knew the score. They knew that I was sleeping with them for them in that moment. I’d never imagined another woman while fucking someone else. That was before I had the taste of Poppy in my mouth, though.
Growling to myself, I started the truck and drove toward Poppy’s. I didn’t know what I was doing and figured she might already be asleep, but I just needed to see her. It was a school night, a random Wednesday, but I had to talk to her. Maybe if I talked to her, I’d see that I was being an idiot. I just had to see.
I parked in front of her house a little after eleven and checked to see if Sam’s lights were still on across the street. They weren’t. A wash of guilt struck me, but it wasn’t enough to force me back into my truck.
Bogie barked once when I knocked and I could hear Poppy stumbling around inside. I tried the door and found it unlocked, so I let myself in with a dark frown on my face. “Why isn’t this fucking door locked, Poppy?”
She was frozen in front of her bedroom door, a T-shirt her only shield from me. The rest of her was bare, all the way down to her unpainted toes. I took a step closer after shutting and locking the door behind me. Bogie jumped up on me and I petted him while scowling at his mother.
“How many times do we have to talk about you locking your door? Do you want to get murdered?”
Finally, Poppy snapped out of her daze and put her hands on her hips. “What the hell, Jude? You scared the shit out of me and now you’re lecturing me? What are you doing here? It’s late and I was already asleep!”
I gently pushed Bogie down and took another step closer. “Why can’t you just lock the door?”
She gaped at me. “Are you kidding me? What are you doing here, Jude? It’d better be an emergency because I’m going to kick your ass if you’re here for no reason.”
“I went out with Sasha.” I balled my hands into fists as soon as the words left my mouth. I could see Poppy’s eyes narrow and knew she was pissed. I just didn’t know if she was going to talk to me or start throwing shit at me.
“That’s great, Jude. Just great.” She dropped her hands to her sides and I saw that hers were also balled into fists. “Are you just so in love that you didn’t think you could wait to tell me until tomorrow?”
“I just wanted to know what you thought.” I didn’t. I didn’t care what she thought of Sasha because I didn’t care about Sasha. Not in the way Poppy was thinking. I just didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know why I was in her living room, glaring at her. I didn’t know why I was so angry at her.
Stomping into the kitchen, she stopped when she saw that there was a large piece of wood lying across her countertops. “What do I think of Sasha? I think you should do whatever you want, Jude. I think you should marry the woman if that’s what feels right. I don’t care.”
I watched her tug at the wood and struggle to lift it. “Let me help.”
She glared at me. “No! I’ve got it.”
I pushed her aside and grabbed it. “Why are you always so fucking stubborn, Poppy?”
She tugged at the wood. “I got it in here and I’ll get it out. Just get out of here. Go back to Sasha and your perfect life.”
I dropped the wood and had to quickly catch it again when she nearly toppled over with it. I pulled it away from her and carried the heavy wood to the back door, setting it there so she could take it out later. When I stomped back to the kitchen, I was good and mad. “My perfect life?”
“Why are you here, Jude?” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at me as I got closer. “You don’t care what I think about Sasha. So why are you here?”
“You really think my life is perfect, Poppy?” I hovered over her, staring down my nose at my best friend, wondering angrily how she could be so beautiful without a stitch of makeup on.
“Why don’t you ever flirt with me?” After asking the question, Poppy snapped her mouth closed and looked away. Her face burned red and I could see her chest rising and falling faster.
“What?” Confused, I knew I couldn’t let it go until she explained herself. “I’m not letting you pretend like you didn’t say that, Poppy. Tell me what that’s supposed to mean. I don’t flirt with you?”
She growled and stomped her foot. “You flirt with everyone, Jude. You flirt with old ladies and married women. You even flirt with babies, I swear! You’re just a flirt. Yet, you’ve never once flirted with me. You turn that charm off the moment you look at me. Why?”
