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“Kaitlyn with the perfect face?” Jude saw my death glare and held up his hands. “Perfection is overrated.”
“Kaitlyn with the perfect face comes out and they announce that they’re engaged. To be married!” I ran my hands through my hair and tightened my ponytail until it hurt. “He’s marrying into my family. That sorry sack of—”
“I missed which ex this is.” Sitting next to Cyrus, Jude threw his own shot back and poured us each another. “You’ve been dating a lot lately. One of those?”
Bogie sat next to my leg and leaned into me, distracting me from my sudden desire to murder Jude. “I haven’t been dating a lot. I’ve been dipping my toes back in the water.”
“How’s the water?” Sam’s raised eyebrows and secret smile told me he knew just how horrible my dating life had been going. As my neighbor, he was privy to all of my comings and goings, unfortunately.
“It’s fucking shallow and ice-cold, Sam.” I crossed my arms over my chest and groaned. “I’ve been ghosted four times and haven’t made it past a second date. I’m a dating leper and now my cousin with the perfect face is marrying the guy who nearly ruined my entire life.”
Jude sighed. “Thatex.”
“Why didn’t you tell us guys were blowing you off? We could handle that.” Cyrus cracked his knuckles. “Happily.”
“This is why I always tell Sara this stuff and only discuss sports and cars with you three. Can you focus?” I took a deep, shuddering breath and promised myself that if Andrew made me cry one more time, I’d run him over the next time I saw him.
“I brought Andrew to my family reunion first. I brought him for three years. I spent all my energy on him from the time I was eighteen until just a couple years ago. Now he’s just going to marry my cousin? Do you want to know what he told me when I asked about us getting serious? He told me that I was too young and immature to settle down with. He had an image to maintain and I didn’t fit. Also, if his fans saw him with me, they’d lose the idea thattheyhad a chance with him and sales would drop.
“I spent almost ten years traveling alone to events that I wasn’t allowed to attend, just so he wouldn’t have to fall asleep alone at night. And now he’s just going to marry Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn, who’s a year younger than me. Kaitlyn, whose idea of carpentry is what she heard about Jesus at church on Sunday.”
Sam’s face darkened as he stood up. “Wait a fucking second. You never said any of that shit before. I thought it was a subpar relationship that ended poorly. What the fuck, Poppy?”
I rested my hand on top of Bogie’s head as he whined and stared up at the ceiling. “We don’t talk about stuff like this. What was I supposed to say? I was dumb and I wasted a lot of time hoping I’d be someone worthy of his time. It was embarrassing. Then I woke up and got over it. There was nothing to talk about. That was before he decided marrying into my family would be a good idea, though. Now there’s something to talk about.”
Cyrus moved to the back of the couch and gripped it in his giant hands. “We don’t talk aboutsmallshit. We talk about a piece of shit loser abusing you for a decade.”
“It wasn’t abuse. I wasn’t…” I cleared my throat. “That doesn’t matter. What matters, and why I called you three over, is that I’m invited to their wedding and I’m not going alone. I might’ve just announced that I have a boyfriend and some stuff about anal in my grand exit.”
Jude paused with his cup halfway to his mouth. “Sorry, what?”
I forced a laugh. “I can’t get a third date to save my life and I’m repelling men faster than I can change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. I need a big favor.”
Sam whistled. “This should be good.”
Bogie charged Sam, jumping against him at the sound of the whistle. Sam immediately picked up the big dog and held him like he was a tiny little lapdog.
I shook my head at Sam. “He thinks everyone should be able to hold him now, Sam. He pinned me to the couch yesterday.”
“Let’s get back to this favor.” Jude finished his shot and leaned back on the couch.
“I need one of you to be my pretend date to the wedding. I can’t let that jerk know I’m still single and unwanted.” I gripped my hands together in front of me like I was prepared to beg. “I would owe you. Whoever did it. I would do whatever favor you needed. I’ll do a favor for each of you, just for coming today. I just can’t show up alone.”
“Have you ever considered just not going?” Sam eased Bogie to the floor and frowned. “If you’re still upset about this guy, don’t put yourself—”
“I’m over him. I see now that he was a giant, manipulative ass. Ihaveto show up to this wedding. If I don’t, he’ll think I’m still upset over him. I can’t let him win.” I looked at the three of them and forced a smile. “So. Who wants to be my fake boyfriend for a wedding?”
3
***Poppy***
“Bogie,beer.”Samwatchedas my nearly untrained dog ran to my fridge and pulled the door open with the rope I’d tied around the handle. The one trick that Bogie had managed to learn was fetching a beer. It was a fact that my mother loved to bring up while discussing how single I was and what I was doing with my life.
“Wait. I’ve seen this movie. One of us fake dates you and then we get married. Are you trying to tie one of us down, Poppy?” Jude poured me another shot while grinning. He knew he was annoying me.
“I’d rather propose to Bad Mood Banner next door.” I sighed and flopped down on the couch next to him. “For the record, I don’t like this plan. You think I want it getting out that I might be dating one of you? If my dating life was trash before, it’ll dry up completely after.”
“What are you doing to scare all the men away?” Sam grunted when Bogie landed in his lap with his beer. “The men around here aren’t all that picky, so I know it has to be something weird you’re doing.”
