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***Poppy***
“No.”
That one word knocked the trepid smile off Jude’s face faster than a punch would have. He dropped his head and looked at the floor, shoulders hunched in on himself. “I don’t believe you.”
I stood up and circled around them, not wanting to get too close. My nerves were too sensitive and I could feel the emotional dam I’d built up over the years cracking. Loving them was too much, too risky. If they lost interest in me, if I wasn’t good enough for them, I didn’t want to think about the pain I’d feel. Andrew had taught me several valuable lessons and the first one was that I wasn’t built to take chances with my heart. The second was that I was able to be broken too easily.
A loser like Andrew who hadn’t even been kind to me had left me so damaged at one point that I’d contemplated what my life even meant. The men sitting in front of me were men I respected, men who were kind and good. They treated me better than anyone ever had. If they woke up and decided they could do better, could find prettier, it would kill me.
“I don’t love you. I don’t.” I heard the wobble in my voice and squeezed my arms around myself. “This was a mistake.”
Sam stood up and followed my movements with his eyes. “Poppy, you’re coming undone at the seams, baby.”
“I’m not. I’m fine. I just have regrets. I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship.” I dug my nails into my arms and moved closer to the door. “I think we should probably spend some time apart, so we can let all this nonsense pass.”
Cyrus growled low in his chest and moved closer to me. “Look us in the eyes and tell us that you don’t feel something for us.”
I shook my head so hard that I felt dizzy after. “No. I already told you.”
Jude stepped in front of me and gently took me by the upper arms. He lowered his face to mine and forced me to meet his gaze. “Go on. Tell me you don’t love me.”
I opened my mouth but no sound came out. Ripping myself away from him, I stumbled to the door and yanked it open. I just needed to get away. I needed to be alone.
I didn’t see my parents standing in my yard talking to Bad Mood Banner until it was too late and I was almost on top of them. I could hear the guys coming up behind me as my mom turned and spotted me. Her face went red and she started jabbing her finger in my direction.
“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, young lady! I had to hear from your brothers that you’re in a relationship with not just one man, butthree!”
“I’m not.”
“You should’ve told me. You! My only daughter, my flesh and blood. I gave you life and raised you, led you into my career footsteps, and this is how you repay me?”
I pressed my hand over my stomach, feeling sick and like I was going to pass out. “I’m sorry, Mom. I—”
“You let your brothers find out before me?” Her face broke out in a smile and she laughed. “Oh, Poppy! Now I’ve got three times the chances to have a bunch of little grandbabies!”
Dad was glaring past me at the guys. “I’ve got my concerns about my daughter’s physical health. There’s three of you and only one of her. I don’t know about you kids today, but men in my time liked a lot of—”
“I’m not with them. I don’t want to be with them. I don’t love them and I don’t want babies and the whole big picture!” I was yelling and even though I told myself to stop, I couldn’t. “Just because everyone wants me to doesn’t mean I have to! I will never love them and you all should get it through your heads now and leave me alone about it. They’re just my friends and nothing else.”
Mom’s gasp preceded a horrified face. “Poppy Jo Summers, what the hell is the matter with you?!”
“It’s okay. Poppy’s freaking out. We pushed too hard.” Sam spoke gently to my mom, consoling her, being kind even when I was awful.
“Stop it! I’m not freaking out! Are you three so used to having women fawn all over you that me not being in love with you makes you think I’ve lost my mind?” I needed to leave. I needed to be away from everyone before I did even more damage. “Everyone just needs to leave me alone and get out of my yard.”
“Young lady, you’re being cruel to three men who clearly care deeply about you. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Mom glared at me before turning to the guys. “I’m sorry. I didn’t raise her to act like this. None of you boys have ever been anything but kind and loving to her and for her to treat you like this is unacceptable.”
I let out a frustrated scream and stomped up to my porch. “Why be ashamed of myself when my mother can be ashamed of me even more thoroughly?”
I let myself into my house and whistled at Bogie, but he was sitting at Sam’s feet, staring up at Sam. Sam looked away from me and as if that wasn’t good enough, turned away. He rubbed Bogie’s head and slowly walked back to his house. Bogie followed him.
That was fine. I guess I’d lose my dog too. I slammed my door shut and locked it. I pressed my forehead against it and then started kicking it, desperately clinging to my anger. Turning to my living room, I saw that the guys had cleaned up everything before they’d left that morning.
Seeing that they’d been so considerate put another giant crack in my dam. I didn’t want to see it. Grabbing a vase that held the more recent flowers Cyrus had gotten me, I threw it across the room. The sound of glass shattering felt good so I kept going. I didn’t stop until my entire living room was destroyed and I was on the floor, ripping at a couch cushion. I was tearing at it with my fingers and teeth until my jaw hurt and my fingertips were bruised.
That couch cushion not ripping was the final straw. I was growling while I tried to rip it one moment, and the next moment the sound had shifted to sobbing. Loud, ugly sobs that left me on the living room floor in the fetal position. The dam had broken.
It didn’t matter what I felt for them, not even when my heart felt like it was swollen three times its normal size for them. It didn’t matter if the word love felt like the right word, not when it felt like a noose tightening around my neck.
