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I’m trying to hold back tears as I walk away from Asher, away from the redhead with a barely-there bikini, showing all her secrets to anyone who will look. It hurts.
Everything fucking hurts.
Again.
I don’t even notice I’m heading toward Holden until he whistles at me. He’s sitting with a group of people I assume are his coworkers. They don’t exude entitlement anyway.
“What do you need?” He steps closer, making sure our bodies are flush, and starts swaying to the music. My body follows his on instinct, the roll of his hips against mine is sensual and promising.
“I need to be seen.” My words are small, but there are so many meanings to that one sentence.
“Hey there.” His smile is laced with sexual intentions and mischief.
“Hi.” I take a big gulp of my drink, making a plan in my head. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
Can I trust him? Can I trust that he’ll follow the NDA I’m sure all the employees have to sign? Does he have connections to the rich and famous, or do most of the people who come here blow him off asthe help? Am I willing to risk it?
I guess I am.
Holden stands and I step away toward the fire, where there are more people to see me with him. In the crowd, I’m less likely to be heard over everyone’s conversations, the crackle of the fire, and the music.
When I stop and turn back to him, someone bumps into me, forcing me closer to the tall man. He wraps an arm around my waist to steady me and leaves his hand on my lower back as he watches me.
“You good, legs?” He lifts an eyebrow, studying me.
“Yes, but I need a little help.” I swallow thickly and look around quickly. So many things are in play here, my own safety being part of my anxiety right now. If someone attacked me, would Holden be attacked too? I’m not sure I could manage the guilt from getting an innocent bystander hurt. “My name is Elliot, by the way.”
“I prefer legs. What do you need?” He steps closer, once again leading my body to sway to the music.
He flicks his eyes to something behind me, and I assume it’s Asher, but I force myself not to turn and look. Watching him flirt with that woman won’t do me any favors.
“Trying to make the boyfriend jealous?” Holden smiles down at me, mischief dancing in his eyes.
“Not my boyfriend.” I shake my head vehemently. I hate that he thinks it, but he has every right to. I’m sure he saw Asher with his hand on my legs the other day at the bar, pressed against me just a few minutes later. “Hewasmy brother’s best friend. He’s just a nice guy looking out for me.”
Holden looks like he doesn’t believe me but doesn’t argue. “Right.”
The song changes to something with a sultry beat, and I wrap my arms around his neck, careful not to spill my drink on him. Holden shifts our position until one of his thighs is between mine, and one hand splays on my back, while the other trails my outer thigh. We move to the song, getting lost in the music for a few seconds, and letting our bodies just move.
A hand cups my ass, but I don’t react to it. I hate that I need it to happen, and I wish more than anything that I was high right now. Some cocaine would make this a lot fucking easier, but instead, all I have is alcohol.
Holden spins me, pulling my ass against his crotch, and nuzzles at my neck. My eyes close as I take a long drink from my glass and let it happen. I need to be seen like this. Up to my normal shit so people ignore Asher.
“You’re being watched,” he says against my skin, his hand sliding down my torso toward the waistband of my skirt.
My eyes pop open, and through the flickering light of the fire, I meet Asher’s furious gaze. His arm is around the woman’s shoulders, and she’s pressed against his chest. I want to rip her fucking hand off for touching him. Shove her away from him and scream at her to get away from what’s mine.
I fucking hate this.
Swallowing the last of my drink, Holden takes the glass from me and sets it on a table not far from us and comes right back, pulling my body against his. I lift an arm to hook around the back of his neck and lean into our dance. Thrusting back against him, letting my body enjoy his touch. My heart hates it, but my body craves touch.
It’s kind of sexy, though, to be watched by someone who wants me, working him up, and knowing he can’t do anything about it. If I make it a game, will that make it easier? See how far I can push him before he snaps? I feel almost powerful. It’s not a feeling I’m familiar with. It’s heady and slightly terrifying at the same time.
I’ve gotten really good at making a scene for attention, but this is different. The men I usually fuck don’t want any more from me than a warm hole. Asher wants more. Will I have to break his heart this time? Will he ask me to come with him, and I’ll have to say no, walk away, and disappear?
I can’t do this with him. Let him fuck me into oblivion in the safety of his house, only to be relegated to the roommate in public. It’s not fair of him to ask that of me. I hope he understands that and doesn’t push it.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back against Holden’s shoulder and try to force the spiraling thoughts from my head.
