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“Elliot Martin.” My mother’s disappointed tone cuts through me like a hot knife through butter. “Why do you leave a trail of destruction everywhere you go?”
I close my eyes and swallow back the tears.
“Mr. and Mrs. Cushings.” Asher steps up next to me, offering his hand to shake, but they don’t even look at it.
“Get out of here, son,” my father says to him while my mother’s glare continues to hold me captive. I can feel her taking in my clothes, how disheveled I am, probably smelling of sex, and her disapproval smacks me in the face. “You damn near lost your career before it started because of him, don’t let him take it from you now.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” My words are watery with tears.
“You think we didn’t know about you two when Marcus died? We paid a hell of a lot of money to keep that detail out of the report so no one would find it later!” my father shouts at me before turning back to Asher. “Don’t let him ruin your life. We all make mistakes.”
Every word is another knife in the back.
“Sir,” Asher starts. “Eli is not a mistake.”
“Just go,” I all but shout at him. God. Doesn’t he realize how much worse this will be if he argues? We’re all trying to save him, and he won’t take the fucking lifeline we’re throwing him. I am a fucking mistake. Already, I’m the dirty secret he can’t ever tell anyone about. Why can’t he get that?
“Eli . . .” Asher reaches for my hand, but I jerk out of his grasp.
“It’s better this way.” My words are soft but hurt so fucking badly.
“This is what you want?” He turns to face me. “Look at me and tell me this is what you want.”
Pulling on every molecule of self-control I have, I force the knot down and look at him.
“Go back to your life.” A tear falls down my cheek, but I don’t brush it away. For a split second, there’s so much agony in his dark eyes that I almost drown in it, but I stand strong despite the need to dissolve. Is this what he felt like when he walked away? He thought it was in my best interest even though it gutted him to do it?
I guess I get it now.
“I forgive you.” The words are quiet, and by the way his jaw clenches, I’m sure he knows what I mean.
For a split second, I can see the pain on Asher’s face before he buries it behind the mask that fools everyone but me. With his shoulders squared and head held high, he walks away from me, but this time, I’m the one who pushed him. He quickly makes it back to the crowd and is swallowed by the mass so I can’t track his movements anymore.
With my heart in his hand, I face my parents and prepare for the mental war I’m about to lose.
“Why do you have to drag down everyone around you? You’re risking his career. Are you really that selfish?” My mother’s words rip apart every insecurity I have. It’s no wonder where I get them from, I know. “He’s done nothing but be your friend since you were a child, and this is how you repay him?”
Like I picked this? He chose this. I told him it would be a bad idea, but he wouldn’t listen.
“You finally did something right in your life by telling him to leave,” Father tosses out.
I hate them. But I hate myself more for believing the lie I told myself.
“And you look ridiculous. What were you thinking leaving your room like that?” Mother scoffs, and once again I drop my head so I don’t have to look at her. I’ve always felt so fucking small next to her. Not once has she encouraged me to be who I am, just picked me apart until I have no thoughts or opinions. What’s the point when I’m always wrong?
“You’re an embarrassment to your brother’s memory.” She shakes her head as my tears drip onto the sand. “Why would you humiliate Asher like this, being out in public dressed likethis?” She points to my clothes, disgust clear on her face. “Why are you so selfish, Elliot? Isn’t it exhausting being this self-centered all the time?”
“I’m sorry,” I mumble as my lip trembles in the shadows where she can’t see. That makes me weak too.
“Go pack. The plane is waiting. You obviously can’t be trusted here either. You’re going home.”
I nod without argument and head toward the pier. Before I know it, I’m running as fast as I can toward the villa. The tears fall so fast the wind can’t dry them, and I’m sobbing by the time I get to the door. I can’t go in there. Everything in there is etched with my time with Asher. How did I get this deep in such a short amount of time? I’m once again cut open, hemorrhaging at his loss. How do I have anything left to lose?
I collapse on the deck and cry into my hands, sobs racking my body while I rock on my knees.
Nothing is fair in war when love is a battleground. Shrapnel rips through you, leaving scars you carry for the rest of your life. Trauma festers until there’s nothing left but the monsters in the dark. Light is snuffed out before hope can grow, leaving you an empty shell of who you used to be.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
