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I pinch the bridge of my nose and force myself to breathe.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I have no idea what’s going on besides he’s in the ER.”
It’s quiet for a minute.
“Sure that’s the only thing going on with you?” He gives me the side-eye. “You assaulted some dude in a bar and disappeared foranger management,then suddenly reappeared and didn’t speak to anyone. What the fuck, man?”
I can’t talk about Eli or Black Diamond without spilling all of my secrets. I’m tired of hiding, and God, I just want to be able to tell someone about him, but he walked away. What’s the point of rehashing it all when it won’t change the outcome? Eli left me and won’t respond. He’s gone.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Asher
Standing on the front steps of my childhood home is strange. I’m numb but screaming inside at the same time. It’s a weird combination. Like directly under my skin is the need to destroy the world if only I would give in to it, but if I don’t, I’m empty. It’s all or nothing.
My father is dead. I’m twenty-six years old and have no family left. Completely alone.
Using my key, I get the door open and disarm the alarm system, then just stand there in the foyer. Nothing has changed since Mom died. He never redecorated, only replaced furniture when it was necessary and found something as close to what she’d picked as was possible.
Ghosts of my childhood linger in the echoing space around me. Each one picking at a sore in my soul. The hopelessness taking over until my body trembles with the sobs tearing from the core of who I am. I will forever be changed by yet another death.
What did I do to deserve everyone I’ve loved to leave? How much more am I supposed to take? I have no one left.
“Come on, man.” Aaron wraps an arm around my shoulder and leads me toward the navy-blue couch with big pink flowers on it. Mom loved this damn thing. My teammate didn’t leave when we got to the hospital, despite me telling him it was fine and he could go back home. He told me to fuck off and followed me into the ER, not leaving my side when they pulled me into a stupid room to tell me my father was dead. He finally had the major heart attack he was working so hard for.
A tear falls down my cheek, and I swipe it away quickly.
“Where’s the liquor in this place?” Aaron asks as I sit on the couch. He looks around the room, taking in my childhood home with interest.
“Probably in the office down the hall on the right.” I drop my head back and close my eyes. “That’s where the good shit will be anyway.” I hear him walk in that direction, and I let out a breath.
I’m alone.
Truly, wholly alone.
Dad is with Mom and finally at peace.
The stabbing pain in my chest at not being enough for him has me rubbing at it.
“Time to get fucked up and maybe break some shit. Who knows?” He comes back carrying a bottle of Balvenie PortWood 21.
“You found his cheap shit,” I tell him. That’s bottom rung for the old man at two-fifty a bottle.
“I know nothing about scotch. If you want something else, you’ll have to go get it yourself.” He sets the bottle and glasses on the coffee table and pours a healthy amount in each. He hands me one and clinks our glasses together before taking a swig. I watch him and huff a small laugh at his face when he hisses.
“That’s great.” His voice is strained from coughing.
“You definitely look like you’re enjoying that.” I shake my head, lifting my tumbler to my lips. It’s smooth alcohol, with notes of honey and raisins with a slightly nutty aftertaste. It’s one of the first I tried when I started drinking scotch since I recognized it.
We don’t say anything as we drink, just let the heaviness of the situation sit in the air. By the time my glass is empty, I’m buzzing and pour myself another glass.
“Have you eaten anything?” Aaron eyes me as I take another drink.
“I don’t know,” I mumble with the edge of the tumbler to my lips.
Every second of the last few hours, only one thought has been repeated—I need Eli. I’ve tried to call, text, I even texted Jordan again, but nothing. I’m sure the news of my father’s death will hit news outlets soon. Will he care? Will he stay away?
“Is there anyone I can call for you?” Aaron asks again.
