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“I’m sorry for you—”
“Stop,” I bark the word louder than I intended, but I can’t hear those fucking words from him. “Don’t do that. Please.”
Even from halfway across the room, I can see his lip tremble, and it guts me.
“I can’t stay.” He shakes his head, the wet curls flying at the movement. “I had to make sure you were okay, but it changes nothing.”
My gut clenches at the resignation in his tone, and I hate that I don’t know how to fight him on this. How many times can I tell him that he’s worth everything and still have him not believe me?
“I just need some time to figure it out.” The words aren’t out of my mouth before he’s shaking his head.
A phone notification sounds, and he squares his shoulders. “My ride is here.”
“No!” Panic seizes my lungs as the darkness starts to creep back in. My hands shake as he moves to the door. I’m off the bed and rushing toward him when he reaches for the knob. I hit my knees with my arms around his waist, holding him against me.
“Please, Eli. I can’t,” I all but sob into the shirt.
“Asher.” I can hear the tears in his voice, the emotion threatening to choke him. “Please let me go. I can’t stay. If you ever loved me, please let me go.”
“I need you.” The sob finally breaks through, my pain dampening the cotton.
“I have to go, I’m sorry.” His tears drop onto my arms as his body trembles while he tries to stay strong.
The door opens, and I dig my fingers into Eli’s sides for just a second. It carves a hole in my heart that he needs to get away from me this badly, but I can’t make him stay.
“Hey—” Aaron starts, and Eli loses all control, scratching and pulling at my arms to get away from me while sobbing. If Aaron didn’t know before this moment that I was in love with Eli, it would be clear now.
I drop my hands, and Eli runs as fast as he can from me. I break down into a puddle of agony with only my friend to hold me together on the floor of my childhood bedroom. This room has seen more than its share of pain, so it makes sense that I lose the only man who will ever complete me in here too.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
Elliot
My bare feet slap at the hardwood floors as I run from everything I’ve ever wanted. The tears in my eyes make it impossible to see, but I know where I’m going. Nothing in this house has changed since the last time I was here.
The pain in my chest is almost more than I can take as I rip open the front door and launch myself down the stairs and into Jordan’s car.
“Jesus! What’s wrong?!” she demands, but I crumble into myself and sob. Ugly, soul-deep pain pours from me. I can’t be what he needs. I can’t live a lie, but that doesn’t mean everything in me isn’t begging to try. I know it would destroy me in the end, but what if it saved him? Wouldn’t my demise be worth it then?
Jordan doesn’t ask any more questions, just drives as I purge. The sobs become full-on screams when the tears aren’t enough to get it all out. I’m half bent over my legs, punching my thighs and ripping at my hair because I don’t know what else to do with all the emotion threatening to choke me.
It’s not fair. None of this is fair. I want him, but I would be his end. I can’t bring him more pain. He thinks he can find a way through this, but I doubt it. I’m not worth it. All the bullshit he’ll have to deal with on the team, the media, the fans. He’ll be hated, and the hatred speaks louder than acceptance. I can’t be the reason he loses everything.
By the time Jordan pulls into the parking garage of my building, my breathing is stuttering and I’m weak.
I hate this.
I wipe my face and climb from the car without a word. Jordan wraps her arm around my shoulders, and I lean my head on her. The ride up to my floor is silent, and she opens my apartment door, ushering me in.
I head straight for my bed without turning on any lights and cover my head in the blanket. A few minutes later, Jordan climbs in with me. She holds my hand in the dark, offering me comfort the only way I’ve accepted from her in the past.
But I need so much more.
Crawling toward her, I let her hold me. Tears ease from my eyes and onto her shirt. I didn’t think I had any left, but she wraps her arms around me in a hug.
“I love him,” I whisper in the dark cocoon.
“I know.”
