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Once everyone is inside with only one chair left in the front row for me, the doors close and the ceremony starts. All the chairs are full. People are lining the walls. I’m shocked.
And hurt. How did he have time to make an impression on this many people but never made time for me? Am I to blame? Did I need to go to him instead of waiting for him to come to me? Even when I would reach out, he barely spoke to me. I knew more about his secretary than I knew about his life.
A prayer is said, I get up and say a few words, but I honestly can’t remember what I said, then everyone is excused. The wake is being held at the house, and I need to get back there anyway.
I leave the funeral, only a few people stopping to talk to me, tell me how sorry they are for my loss, he’s in a better place, blah blah blah. I know they all mean well, but it’s empty words. They mean nothing.
Aaron drives me to the house, parking in the garage next to Dad’s BMW. I guess it’s mine now, but I’ll never drive it. I hate that damn car. It’s mustard yellow, for Christ’s sake. Why he had it painted that color, I’ll never understand.
“You can take a minute. No one will blame you.” Aaron grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop when I head straight for the house.
“What’s the point? Will taking a minute make him any less dead? Will it make me any less of an orphan?” I snap, but I don’t know why I’m so angry at him. It’s neither fair nor his fault.
“Take a minute to breathe, man, so you don’t blow up in there in front of people.” He grips my shoulders tightly, forcing my muscles to relax just a little. “You can swing at me if it’ll make you feel better.”
I chuckle and shake my head, dropping my shoulders. “No, I don’t want to fight you.”
“Good, ’cause I’d hate to kick your ass today.”
I snort a laugh and shake my head.
“All right, let’s get a drink, then, huh?” Aaron says, opening the car door.
“Yeah, that sounds good.” We enter the house, and there are snack tables set up all over the place. The caterers did a great job with the spread. At the door to my father’s office, I hesitate. Even as a kid I wasn’t really allowed in here. It’s boring, gray walls, dark wood, and wingback leather chairs. A few bookcases, a locking file cabinet behind the massive desk, and his scotch collection. On his desk is a picture of him and Mom.
I open the liquor cabinet and pull out a bottle of Macallan Red Collection. It’s aged forty years and about thirty-five thousand dollars a bottle. Aaron grabs glasses, and I pour us each two fingers because why the fuck not? We stare out the window overlooking the pool as we sip, taking the last few minutes before guests arrive to enjoy the silence.
“I really appreciate you staying with me this week.”
“I’m glad it helped.” He finishes his glass just as the doorbell rings.
I finish off mine and set it down with a sigh.
“Let’s get this over with.”
* * *
It’s beenhours of listening to people sing my father’s praises. He was such a good man, helpful, caring. Some of my teammates have shown up to show support, which I appreciate. I guess I didn’t realize how much they actually cared. I guess the perk of this is it leaves me less time to obsess over how to convince Eli I’m serious. I’ll find a way; I just need some time.
I’m standing in the dining room, talking to some actress that I could not care any less about when I hear it.
“I grew up with Asher.”
Spinning around, I pick him out of the crowd in a nanosecond. Those bouncy blond curls framing his face, the haunted look in his eyes, and the navy-blue suit cups him in all the right places. He’s even wearing a pearl necklace that I’m sure belonged to Mom.
Necklace.His necklace.He left it on the island. Did he do that on purpose, or was he in such a rush to leave he missed it? I wish I had it on me now to give to him. Either way, he needs to have it back. She wanted him to have it. It was important enough for her to put in her will while she was dying.
His bright blue eyes lock on mine, and the next thing I know, he’s in my arms and my lips crash onto his. I don’t know who moved first, but it doesn’t matter. My body comes alive with him so close, my heart beats, and for the first time in what feels like years, it doesn’t hurt. I cup the back of his head to keep him with me, and he lifts onto his toes, leaning against my chest for balance with his arms around my neck.
After everything, he came today, knowing I would need him.
He’s my entire world. My boy. Mine. Nothing matters but him and the way he fits against me. I can’t let him go. Never again. We need each other. Our heartstrings are woven together, and once we touch, we’re helpless against it.
Our mouths are a frenzied pairing, taking what we so desperately need from the other. Nothing exists past this. When we’re together, we can’t not touch.
Someone coughs and taps on my shoulder, making me jump. My head pops up and everyone around us is staring. Everyone. Teammates, celebrities, coworkers of my father. Embarrassment for losing control of myself in a public setting heats my face, and Eli shoves away from me, ducking his head to the floor. I grab his hand quickly and thread our fingers, pulling him back to me.
“Stop it,” he growls in a hushed whisper, pulling on his hand.
